The Harry Potter Experience: Book One!
by Traban16
Summary: Harry is tired of this crap! Being teleported into a room, being forced to complete things in order to get on with his life! Why him? And now, others are there too! Secrets revealed! Realities and futures are changed/distorted! Harry's a Shag Master?
1. My Biography? Crap!

**Hello, all you great people out there! It's me! Yews, this is yet another story simply for when I'm bored and not up to writing the others, but hey: at least I'm always working on something. Right? Right!**

**Now this is my attempt at the commonplace, "Harry Potter Reads Harry Potter". It will have humor it in. It will not follow canon because I rather like the pair of Harry with a girl-like or turned into a girl Draco along with harry being with Ginny and Luna. Well, I like the thought of him being with all three at once even better.**

**Some charcaters will have "crazy OCC" moments, mostly odd bounts of chipperness and sarcastic happiness. Also, Harry will have Boyish Attitude *so you have been warned!). Draco will be, well, like a proper little girl, and the others will just be trying to survive these books with their sanity still intact.**

**Trust me when I say, most of the facts will be like canon, but Harry and the others will point out the subtle and not so subtle differences in this story and the books they're reading.**

**So now without further interruption: here is a story to stp your broedom and amuse you!**

_**Chapter 1: My Biography? Crap!**_

* * *

><p>Harry Potter didn't know what to think when at one second, he was fixing his Uncle Vernon's engine trouble on his car, and the next, he was in a room, which certainly wasn't apart of the Dursley's house.<p>

The room looked rather cozy, though. It had several couches in it, and yet no windows. There was a roaring fire in a fireplace which didn't seem to give off smoke, and three coffee tables placed in front the seven couches. There was also three armchairs, and two loveseat sofas opposite the couches. Harry looked behind him and saw that there were bookshelves and a six doors on the two walls he couldn't see while he had been sitting forward. The first door was a swinging one, since Harry couldn't see a knob or lock on it. The other all had knobs and locks, but names on them. Harry nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw that one of the doors was labeled "Malfoy", but his senses settled when he saw labeled for himself, and another with "Weasley". He didn't try and take in anymore as he slumped into the couch, though his eyes did flicker off to the staircase on the wall near the fireplace.

"Why is it that whenever something like this happens, I'm not surprised? I mean, it happened last week when I was in the garden, the week before that while I was still in Hogwarts, and the month before that while I was in the middle of Professor Binn's classroom… Actually, that last one, I'm thankful for. Hmm, maybe that's why…" Harry said to himself, since he was the only one there, as he stood from the couch he had been sitting on and moved to one of the comfy-looking armchairs.

Before he could seat his bottom into though, a flash of red and gold light blinded him as he dropped into the seat in surprise. The next thing Harry knew, Hermione and Ron were in the room with him. Hermione was standing on her toes brushing her teeth while Ron was stabbing into the air with a fork while seated on the couch Harry had just been on.

Hermione, now noticing she wasn't in her bathroom, and Ron having bitten an empty fork both looked around in surprise and shock until their wild eyes landed on Harry.

"Harry?" Hermione said, taking the toothbrush out of her foamy mouth.

"Mate? Where the devil are we? I could have swore I just eating dinner with my family at home." Ron said as he tossed aside his fork, having bitten the metal and his teeth now hurting.

"Yes, and I was just in the middle of my hygiene. Oh, and packing to go to France with my parents." Hermione said as she wiped at her mouth with the back of her sweater sleeve and spit her toothpaste into the fire, which hissed, but still no smoke or mist came from it. Harry suspected magic while Hermione turned to him with a closer more critical look, "And what on Earth are you wearing? And why in the name of Godric are you covered in motor oil?"

Harry blinked at her while she started questioning him in her famous Hermione fast talk as usual.

"Um… What? I have no clue where we are, but I do know this kind of thing needs to stop happening to me. Last I this happened, I was forced to watch a musical about-" Harry said after he blinked a few more times. He was about to rant about something, but he was interrupted by another flash of light blinding him, and his two best friends.

This time the light was an orange-y shade of red and much larger than the last. When the light died down, Harry and Hermione had to blink in surprise as Ron's family were moving about around them yelling Ron's name.

"Ronniekins! Ickle Ronniekins, where are you?" the twins yelled with mirth as they stopped upon seeing him. Ron's mother, Mrs. Weasley, stopped bellowing into Charlie's ear as she saw her son and his friends.

Harry raised a brow as he took in the entire Weasley family for the first time ever. Ron was as lanky and freckle-ridden as his brothers. The twins were only a bit taller than him, but Ginny (who was hugging the eldest brother, Bill, if Harry remembered correctly) was at least a head shorter. Her hair was longer than any of theirs, but Mrs. Weasley and Bill seemed to be not far behind in that aspect. It also seemed that of all the Weasley siblings, she had caught on the fastest of them, having turned a brilliant shade of blushing-red as her eyes landed on Harry.

"Where are we exactly? I'm missing out on dinner." George said as he and Fred sat down on a loveseat.

"I don't know, oh brother of mine, but I do know that were aren't in the Burrow anymore." Fred said causal as he and George exchanged grins upon seeing Harry and Hermione among them.

"Why I never!" Percy said from where he was on the floor, near Mr. Weasley's feet. Mr. Weasley helped him up, and helped brush him off.

"You've never? What about Bill and me? We're missing from work right now. The dragons and goblins are gonna have our heads." Charlie said with amusement as he playfully jabbed Bill in the arm. Bill looked around rather put-out as he finally saw his youngest brother and said sibling's friends that he heard about in letters. Bushy hair and innocent schoolboy-like glasses. Yup, that must have been Harry Potter and Hermione Granger alright, if he remembered anything from the letters his family had sent him.

"Um, hi…" Bill greeted, his eyebrows raised to his hair-line as he continued looking about, seeing all of his family members for the first time in a long time since his getting the job in Egypt. Ginny beamed as she saw Bill, her eldest brother and most comfortable confident for all of her problems. While she loved all of her brothers very much, Bill was all-time her favorite, and his opinion and advise mattered the most to her. She squealed as she nearly ran to him and knocked him over with a flying hug.

Molly beamed as she also locked eyes on her two eldest sons, ones which she had to write to and visit if only to know that they were safe each week or so (Charlie more so than Bill, but with those goblins, you never knew…) She moved across the room and hug Charlie tightly while Fred and George were snickering at their elder brothers.

"Mum? What are we doing here?" Charlie asked as his mother shrugged somewhat worriedly since she was now thinking about the situation and not her joy of seeing her family whole again with Ron's friends there as well (but she had to admit that the two kids were like a part of the family as well to her and their family).

"I don't know, Charlie dear. I just got here same as you did. Oh I'm sorry, how have you been, dear?" Molly asked, moving to take a better look at her second eldest, who looked to be getting a rather nice tan from his workplace. He had a few burn marks on his arms, which made her shake her head in annoyance at his choice in careers. Oh, how she wished that he hadn't gone running off from home to be with dragons. Fire-breathing, giant, always hungry, and grumpy dragons!

Quidditch would of been _much_ better than _that_!

"I'm fine, Mum, really." Charlie said, patting his mother's shoulder before moving to great his father, though even he had to raise a brow as he spotted his youngest brother Ron talking to the innocent schoolboy-glasses Harry Potter and the bushy-haired Hermione Granger. Those glasses and that hair were spot on from the descriptions… He sent a smile at them though, as he thought about when they had all wrote him about Norberta.

* * *

><p>"Are you sure you have no clue where we are, Hermione?" Ron asked his bushy-haired friend as she huffed.<p>

"For the tenth time; _No,_ Ron, I don't. If I did I would have said so." Hermione said, keeping her voice down to a bearable tone as Harry laid a hand on Ron's shoulder smiling as though amused at him and Hermione.

"Just stop asking her, mate. I'm sure we'll find out sooner or later. Beisdes- wait, cover your eyes!" Harry said, but stopped as he saw the light start to come into being now that he was growing more used to it. Hermione and Ron did as he said while he did it too. So did the twins and Ginny, but Percy, Charlie, Bill, and the two parental Weasleys weren't so lucky as they said, "Huh?"

A flash of bright blue illuminated throughout the room as the elder Weasleys were blinded by it. When the light died away, Albus Dumbledore the Headmaster of Hogwarts was standing there in front of everyone looking as though it was right where he belonged. He was wearing pale blue and his blue eyes were twinkling behind his half-moon spectacles, even as he looked about with a certain curiosity one might find if they were guided into a place for the first time.

"Oh my, what a pleasant surprise! I believe I was just about to eat a sherbet-lemon drop, and now; here I am! In the presence of all of you! I must say, this is a wonderful surprise!" Dumbledore said, his voice full of mirth as he gazed about at all of them.

"Pro-Professor Dumbledore, sir…" Hermione asked nervously as she wasn't sure if he was behind things or not, "Do you know why we are here, by chance?"

"Ah, dear girl, I am afraid I haven't the slightest clue!" Dumbledore said happily, making most look at him oddly for his strange behavior.

"Are you sure sir?" Ron asked, looking at Dumbledore as though he was sure that the man had to know something to be so calm about it all.

"Not the slightest, dear boy."

"But sir-"

"Honestly, Ronald! Don't start that again!" Hermione scolded as Ron sighed and shut up.

"Professor Dumbledore, do you know where we are at least?" Arthur asked as he hugged his wife to his side.

"Ah, alas, I do not." Dumbledore said, his eyes still twinkling, giving many, mostly Harry and the twins, the impression that he knew _exactly_ where they were.

"Light!" Harry yelled as everyone covered their eyes this time around right when Mrs. Weasley was about to open her mouth.

The light died away, and from it came two individuals Harry didn't know. Though his first thought at seeing them was "groovy". The first must have been the father to the second. The father had long blond-turning-grey hair that fell to his shoulders. The second was a young dirty-blonde girl who had a dreamy expression on her face and in her silvery-grey eyes, and radish-earrings hanging from her ears. Harry smiled at her and her father, continuously thinking the word "groovy" over and over again.

"Daddy, where are we? Do you think it was the Kardashiens that sent us here?" the young blonde girl said to her father, who shrugged. Everyone looked at the odd new arrivals as her father gave his reply.

"No, my little Luna, I believe we're dealing with future beings again." the man said to his daughter, who nodded in turn.

"Yes, Daddy, you're probably right. Oh I hope my little Lorcan, Lysander, and Jason are enjoying the future!" the girl, Luna said as her father turned from her and looked about the room, his eyes settling on Dumbledore before they gave a quick glance at Harry.

"Ah, Xenophilius Lovegood, it has been awhile, hasn't it?" Dumbledore said in greeting to Xenophilius, who sent a smile at him.

"Yes it has, Albus Dumbledore. Great too see you again." Xenophilius said, nodding to Dumbledore.

"Luna?" Ginny asked in surprise, peering over at her friend from her spot next to the twins while Bill was talking with their mother, who by talking meant that she was squashing him with a hug.

Before the dreamy girl named Luna Lovegood was able to speak, Ron was he one to yell out "light", and all eyes were covered as a large yellow flash entered the room.

* * *

><p>As Harry uncovered his eyes, he saw that from this flash came three people. A fair-haired, big-bellied man who looked to be stunned for a second before his eyes landed on Dumbledore. Next to him was a woman with a kind face, soft brown hair, and light brown eyes. Lounging on the couch next to where Charlie and Percy were talking, was a young woman with a heart-shaped face, and bright pink hair, which turned from purple to yellow, back to pink again as she looked around, her eyes finally landing on her company.<p>

"Hello?" The soft-haired woman said as she saw her husband and Dumbledore greet each other.

"Dora?" Charlie said, making the young woman look at him. Harry and all the Weasley family raised brows at Charlie and this Dora woman.

"Is that you, Charlie Brown!" Dora said excitedly, getting off her couch as the two hugged each other.

Charlie's ears went red, as the twins smirked at him while he let go of Dora.

"Charlie Brown? Really, why did we-" Fred said through laughter as he and George were bent in doing so.

"-never thought of that?" George finished through his fit of laughter.

"If either of you two call me that, you won't live to see your N.E.W.T's this year." Charlie growled, his ears still Weasley-red.

"Nymphadora, it's not nice to do that to your friends." the soft-haired older woman said in a reprehensible tone as Dora (fully named Nymphadora, Harry guessed) sighed.

"Andromeda, give Dora a break, she's just having a bit of fun with her old school friend." the man, who must have been the husband to the woman named Andromeda, Harry and Ron guessed, said while the woman turned sharply on heel at him.

"But Ted she shouldn't be-!" Andromeda said, only to be cut off by Dumbledore.

"Ted and Andromeda Tonks, I haven't seen you two since young Miss Tonks here graduated from Hogwarts. How have you been?" Dumbledore said, defusing the situation with his sage-like presence being once again remembered.

"Yes, well, we've been better. I suppose that you've heard about Nymphadora being accepted as an Auror recently. Haven't you, Professor?" Andromeda said, her voice prideful as she gestured to her daughter, who was talking excitedly with Charlie Weasley, catching up on their time apart. Andromeda looked over and saw just this before she huffed and went to go and sit by Molly, who was occupying a couch. Both mothers started their own excited conversation about their children.

It wasn't look before the twins belted out a "light!", and all eyes were covered once again. This time the light was a green and silver one, and Harry was sure he knew at least two of the people that would be showing up. When the light died down, Harry uncovered his eyes, and smirked in amusement from being right.

Severus Snape was less than pleased at somehow being transported into a room full of people that he would never want to be with if he had the choice. Potter was standing there across the room with that damnable smirk on his face. Draco and his parents were more confused than anything, but that confusion soon turned to cold anger as they gazed about the room. Potter, and the Weasleys were in the room, along with Granger and the Blood traitor that was Narcissa's older sister.

Harry grinned at them as he waved over at them, mainly to Draco. Everyone saw the action, and turned to Draco, mainly his parents (his father in anger, and his mother with a cool brow raised). Draco himself went pink in the cheeks as he cursed Potter for embarrassing him.

"Hi, Draco! I knew you'd be here soon! Hi Lucius, Narcissa, Severus!" Harry said in a child-like greeting, but turned to the adults that were with Draco with the same.

"That is _Professor_ Snape to you, Potter!" Snape said with a narrowed glare at Harry, who didn't look intimidated or affected at the least.

"Severus, Severus, Severus." Harry said with a wag of his finger, "We're not in class right now. It's still summer, so I can call you Severus, Sev. Or would you like to be called Sev instead? Maybe Sevy-"

"I get it, Potter! Fine, I don't care! Call me, Severus now, but if you ever utter the nickname Sevy, I'll-"

"Severus." Dumbledore interrupted as Severus sighed irritably moved over to him. Harry simply kept smiling, enjoying the fact that he could mess with people now.

"So, _Drakie_-"

"Potter!"

"Sorry, Draco. But, what do you think will happen this time? A musical or more puppets?" Harry said, since the fist time this had ever happened Draco had been taken with him.

"I don't know, and I'm just hoping it's not _puppets_ again." Draco said with a shudder. Oh how he hated puppets…

"This has happened before, Draco?" Narcissa asked her son calmly as Lucius was scowling at Potter, who was walking up to them.

"Once to me and Potter, but it was only about puppets and how arrogant Potter truly is." Draco said as he cast a smirk at Harry.

"At least they made a puppet of me. Even _Snape_ got one, but _you_ _didn't_." Harry said amusingly as Draco frowned at him.

"Shut up, and go back to your friends." Draco muttered as Harry grinned at him.

"Now, now, Dracokins, don't be so irritable. Did this thing interrupt your nap time?" Harry said as he glanced at Draco's parents. Lucius was still scowling at him while Narcissa seemed to be as mirthful as he was at the mention of Draco's nap time.

"Shut up, and go." Draco said as he hid his face in his hands, his cheeks tinted pink as Harry chuckled at him and turned away.

"Fine, but we'll have to _talk_ later. Right, Dracokins?" Harry said as he winked at Draco before walking away.

"I don't like the way he said "talk". That boy had best stay far away from us, with his ilk Weasleys." Lucius growled before he turned to his son, "You and I will talk about this later in private."

"Yes, Father." Draco answered automatically as Narcissa placed a hand on his shoulder. Draco looked up at her to see her smirking down at him and his embarrassment.

"So that's the Potter boy? He seems like a fine young man. Just two questions though, Draco dear. The first is; Why does Harry Potter know about your nap time schedule, and the second is; Exactly what type of "talking" have you two been doing?" Narcissa said as Draco groaned and collapsed into the couch directly behind him and his parents.

He did _not_ want to answer _either_ of those! He would rather be with his Aunt Bellatrix than tell either of his parents anything he did while at Hogwarts. Draco glanced up at his father, seeing the man sneer at Potter as the boy went back of to his friends.

"Where are we, Headmaster?" Snape asked as soon as he was in front of Dumbledore.

"The Room of Requirement, I believe." Dumbledore answered as Snape's eye twitched, but he gave Dumbledore a curt nod.

"Did you just walk over there and talk to the Malfoys?" Ron asked as Hermione rolled her eyes, but still seemed just as shocked and surprised as him.

"Yes, yes I did." Harry answered with the grin still on his face.

"Why were you calling Snape and the Malfoys by their first names?" Hermione asked, her keen eye on him as he shrugged.

"Because it annoys them. Plus, I'm guessing that while here we wouldn't have to worry about anything like being killed by them or stuff like that." Harry said as Hermione and Ron gave him a look.

"Why is it that you annoy people, only to drive them 'round the bend?" Ron asked as Harry shrugged again.

"Because it's fun. Like calling Draco by his name. His left eye twitches in the funniest way whenever I do it around people." Harry said with a chuckle as Hermione and Ron continued to give him a look.

* * *

><p>"Cover your eyes, here comes the light." Dumbledore said as all eyes were covered when yet another red and gold colored flash entered the room, this time resulting in making Harry smile brightly as he, Ron, and Hermione ran over and hugged the person who showed up.<p>

"Remus!" Harry said as he hugged his friend, mentor, and former teacher.

"Remus Lupin, everybody!" Harry announced proudly as he turned to the others in the room, surprising most people. Remus coughed as his cheeks went red, while everyone was looking at him.

"Umm…Where are we, and what are we doing here? Better yet, why are you so chipper?" Remus asked running a hand through his brown hair in exasperation. This boy was just like James all over again, and Remus felt that he was getting far too old for it.

"We have no clue!" Ron said bluntly, the same chipper tone as Harry. Harry was right, it was fun to annoy people and see their eyes twitch in annoyance.

As his eye twitched, Remus took a look around the room and saw some familiar faces. There was Severus Snape glaring at him beside Professor Dumbledore, who was twinkle-eyed and smiling. There was Arthur, Molly, and all of their Weasley children smiling at him. Harry and Hermione, who were still hugging him with Harry smirking like James did whenever he and Sirius planned to annoy McGonagall into turning one of them into a bird or a watch. Ted and Andromeda Tonks were smiling at him as they gave a small wave of greeting with him returning the action. His eyes lingered on Nymphadora Tonks, who glanced at him with a look of interest while she talking to Charlie Weasley. Lucius was scowling at him, Narcissa had no real reaction, and Draco Malfoy looked to be somewhat frightened of him (probably because the boy now knew he was a werewolf, but oh well).

"Umm, can you three let go of me?" Remus asked as Harry grinned.

"Why?"

"Don't you dare start that. James and us _invented_ that, so let me go, or one of you is getting turned into a football and kicked around." Remus said as Harry and his two best friends let the man go. Remus smirked at them as he straightened his shabby clothes and walked over to Molly and her husband Arthur.

* * *

><p>As most of the people fell into peaceful conversation, Bill suddenly yelled light, and the flash blinded Remus as it broke everyone from whatever they were talking about.<p>

McGonagall, Neville, Madam Pomfrey, and at least three Slytherin students were in the room. Draco seemed to recognize the three immediately as he attacked the dark skinned boy one with a flying hug. Harry recognize the girl as Pansy Parkinson, and the other boy as Theo Nott. The one Draco was currently hugging must have been Blaise Zabini.

"What in the name of Merlin is going on here? Mr. Malfoy, please detach yourself from Mr. Zabini." Professor McGonagall said sharply as she glanced about the room. She moved quickly to Dumbledore and found out everything he knew before she sighed and took a seat on one of the couches with Madam Pomfrey and Remus next to her.

Greetings and like were exchanged as they all talked a bit while waiting for another flash to come.

"Blaise you dog you, Theo my man, Pansy you lovely babe, glad you could make it. Welcome to the party." Harry said as he swaggered up to them coolly. Blaise seemed to catch onto Harry's joke as he shook Harry's hand with a grin.

"Glad to be here, Potter you old sea salt. So _dude,_ what's the occasion?"

"There is none that we know of yet, but please make yourselves at home. Draco babe, will you please be a doll and escort them to their seating area." Harry said as though he were the owner of some popular nightclub while Draco narrowed his eyes at him.

"Don't call me babe or doll ever again in public, Potter." Draco said before he led his friends over to the couch next to the one he and his parents were sitting on.

"You weren't saying that last month when we-"

"Don't you _dare,_ Potter!"

Harry chuckled in amusement, but he was interrupted as Ron yelled out "light" from his spot next to Hermione and his family. Harry covered his eyes as a white flash of like lit up the room. When the light died away, Harry was surprised to see a harmless looking letter fall from above him and onto the table he had been standing in front of in the middle of the room. No one moved to get it, so with a shrug, Harry picked it up only to have it snatched from his hand and thrown onto the table. Harry looked up in surprise the see Dumbledore, Remus, Snape, and McGonagall all right beside him or behind him with their wands drawn and pointed toward the letter while muttering incantations to themselves as spells circled the sheet of parchment.

Reaching out, Dumbledore grabbed the note from the table. His eyes quickly scanned it before he nodded to himself.

"Well what of it?" Lucius snapped impatiently while Narcissa placed a calming hand on his shoulder. She glanced over at her disowned sister, who smiled sadly at her before they both looked away.

"It only says that someone is to be meeting with us soon." Dumbledore said as he gave the note to Harry, who folded it and pocketed it for reasons he didn't know.

* * *

><p>Soon enough, a swirling vortex of light came from in front the staircase. No one covered their eyes as a teenaged boy walked out of the vortex, looking very annoyed if his stomping was anything to go by. The thing was that he looked like Draco, except for his emerald green eyes and dirty-blond hair. Harry and Draco exchanged silent looks as Harry shrugged with a grin and Draco blushed lightly.<p>

"Blimey, he looks almost just like you, Malfoy." Ron blurted out as Hermione thumped him.

"Shut it." Draco grumbled as his mother and father looked at him with raised brows.

"Except for his eyes. They look exactly like yours, Harry." Fred said as George nodded in agreement.

"I can't believe those morons. Playing 'Not-It' is _not_ an acceptable form of choosing someone for something this sensitive. Besides, they could have at the _least_ given me a warning." the boy grumbled in a very Draco-like manner as he held a clipboard in one hand and a pen in the other. He stomped out of the vortex as it closed behind him. He seemed very irritated as he glanced about the room, but he sighed in defeat as he held up his clipboard while jotting some things down on it.

"Greetings, everyone. I am Gabriel Alain Potter, and you are all here for one reason: to help change the future for the better, and blah, blah, blah. Alright then, I'll call out your names and I want you to tell me if you're here." the boy, Gabriel said as everyone besides Harry simply gaped at him.

"Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley, Luna Lovegood, Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, Draco Malfoy, Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore, Andromeda Tonks, William (Bill) Weasley, George Weasley and Fred Weasley, Charlie Weasley, Molly Weasley, Arthur Weasley, Xenophilius Lovegood, Ted Tonks, Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Malfoy, Minerva McGonagall, Poppy Pomfrey Blaise Zabini, Pansy Parkinson, Theodore Nott, and Neville Longbottom." Gabriel said as they all croaked out their "here" while never blinking, trying to understand how a Potter ended up _blond._ The boy seemed to catch their thoughts as he sighed and put his clipboard at him side.

"Yes, I'm blond. Yes, I'm a Potter. Yes, my father is Harry Potter, right there, and yes I have other siblings. Yes, you're here to help the future. Yes, the future. Why? Because we thought it'd be fun for half of you not to end up _dead_ or depressed. Yes, some of you, mainly two of you, die. Yes, death, oh scary." Gabriel said as they continued to gape at him despite his crisp tone. He put his pen and clipboard down as he flicked his wrist, his wand coming out from his robe sleeve as he gave it a swish. The clipboard and pen began writing in midair.

"Now then, we've-" Gabriel was saying but he was cut off by Dumbldore.

"We?"

"Yes, _we._ My brothers, sisters, cousins, parents, and everyone else we know, including some of you in this very room, have sent you all here to read about the truth, and change the future while you do so. We know that this isn't looked upon as fun, but the future we live in is not a very good one anymore. It started out all fine and dandy, but about two years ago things went back to unicorn crap."

"Language, Gabriel." Harry said with mirth as he wagged a finger at the blond. Gabriel sputtered nonsense for a second before he turned around and waved his wand with muttering to himself. The vortex opened again and another boy fell out of it and onto the floor.

This boy looked exactly like Harry, but without any glasses. The boy got up, and dusted himself off while he glared at Gabriel.

"Not cool, Gabe." the boy said as Gabriel (nicknamed Gabe) glared at him and pointed his wand at the boy's neck.

"Don't call me that, James! You got me into this mess, so now you explain to them why our time is fu- I mean, _messed_ up. And Father over there is being… well, _himself!"_ Gabriel said as he pointed directly at Harry, who waved a little and grinned.

"I love it when Dad's like this. It's always so much more funny than when I do it." James said as Remus, Snape, and other adults were thinking the same thing.

"_James/Potter_!" they thought as they looked at him. Aside from the emerald green eyes, the boy looked exactly like James (and Harry) did, and his name said so much.

"Hey wait, I thought Sirius was supposed to be here too." James said as Gabriel checked his list while everyone gaped.

"J-James?" Remus called as James turned to him.

"James _Sirius_ Potter, at your service. I am in fact not my dad Harry Potter, nor am I my gramps James Potter. I am better than them because I am Sirius; _all_ the time." James said with a raised fist as Gabriel smacked him upside the head.

"Idiot. And you're right, so fix it." Gabriel said as James grumbled while he pulled out his wand. He simply gave it a slow delicate wave as the air he waved past burst into a bright light. When the light died away, Sirius Black was there dancing with his eyes closed.

"_It's just a bit of give and take! You can't take my love! No, you'll... just_… Where am I?" Sirius said as he opened his eyes and stopped dancing, not hearing the music he had been dancing to.

"James?" Sirius said as he stared at the boy in front of him.

"James _Sirius_ Potter. I'm from the _future."_ James said as he put his wand away. Sirius pondered this for a moment before raising a brow.

"Isn't messing with time illegal?" Sirius asked as everyone in the room had to agree that the question was a good one.

"Aren't you supposed to be in prison right now for a crime you didn't commit?" James countered as everyone had to admit that it was a good response.

"Good point. I'll be good." Sirius said as he turned away from James and walked over to Remus, greeting him and Harry happily before they all turned back to the two siblings from the future.

"Good, now then, I think all of you are in need of a change in clothing. Gabriel, if you would." James said as Gabriel nodded.

"If only to get Father out of those rags, and from being covered in motor oil…" Gabe muttered as he raised his wand and waved it about few times. Sparkles seemed to change the teens in the room from head to toe as Harry found himself clean and in his Gryffindor school robes. Harry looked over and saw that all the other students were in their respective school robes as well, though he noticed that he had a ring on his finger and so did Draco, Ginny, and Luna.

"Umm…" Harry said, about to point out the ring, but James winked at him while Gabriel smirked a cool smirk.

"Thank you for changing him. He was truly an eyesore in those muggle rags, Gabriel. Now he's just a normal eyesore which comes with being himself." Draco said as Gabriel smiled and nodded. Harry clutched at his heart in a fake heart-breaking manner.

"Where's the love…?" Harry asked as he collapsed to the floor and played dead. Many eyes rolled and a few chuckled as people ignored him and his antics.

"You're welcome. Now then, here is your reading material." Gabriel said, and with another swish of his wand a book showed up on the table, "That's merely the first of seven. While reading, please feel free to point things out and be yourselves."

"Yes, because some of you are _way_ too uptight. In here, there will be no sides, no house stigmas, and no animosity toward each other. Like Dad here always says in the future-" James said as he and Gabriel smirked at each other before turning to everyone.

"Love, peace, and shagging!" James and Gabriel said excitedly as the twins, Harry, and Blaise burst into laughter.

"Harry, mate, you are going to turn into one cool guy with those kinds of mottos." George said as Fred smiled with a nod.

"They're right, Potter. Shagging? And who will be your first victim as the Lord of Shagging, the Shag Master, the-" Blaise said.

"Enough!" Molly, Andromeda, McGonagall, Pomfrey, and Narcissa all said loudly, blushing slightly at teens saying such things in their womanly presence. Had they no shame…?

Probably not…

"Don't worry, me and Gabe here are examples of his greatness in the sacred art of 'Gettin' Some'. Then there's Jason, Al, Anna, Lils, and baby Scorp has just made his second birthday. There are more, but trust me when I say that if I talked about them to you guys, they'd _kill_ me. Anyways, I'm the eldest of all the Potter kids, and Gabe here second to me, so you can guess what that means." James said, slightly ranting as Draco's mouth fell while Luna giggled, and Ginny blushed while trying not to look at Harry. She had always want to name one of her kids Lily. Harry's mom having that name only made it a bonus.

"Stop calling me Gabe, dammit!" Gabriel said with a glare as James ignored him, even though a wand was poking him in the neck.

"Anyways, like _Gabe_ here said; the future started out all peaceful-like, but now it's just gone the way of crap; down the toilet and flushed into disgusting darkness. So, we decided that messing with the past wouldn't be so bad if we kept you guys from botching it up." James said as he gestured to the book that had been forgotten about on the table. It read "_Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone_".

"I give up, you git! Anyways, as you can all see; everything starts with Harry Potter, and ends with him as well. We would tell you all what's happening in the future, but-" Gabriel said as James finished for him.

"Dad will get that disapproving look in his eyes that we all hate so much, and then Mom will be all furious with us." James said with a bowed head while Gabriel scoffed.

"Speak for yourself, James. Your mother will yell at us, but _my_ mother will be taking away everything we even _remotely_ care about for a month. So, we're not telling anyone anything more about our time." Gabriel said with a wave of his arms before he crossed them. Everyone glanced at Harry as the two boys exchanged looks.

Harry had more than one woman in the future? Now that was shocking, and every male below the age of thirty in the room hated him for it.

"Yeah, but hopefully what your all about to read will strengthen the bonds you all have, foster peace, and all the rest of that jizz. That and make you a united front against evil. At least that's what Dad said." James said as Gabriel nodded beside him.

Harry gulped as he thought about the future, and what it had to do with him. He was probably the one to mess it up. Neville was having similar thoughts as the room grew silent, and everyone felt their stomachs drop. They were all wondering what could have possibly happened in the future. Was it because Voldemort was back like Harry had said?

"Oh, and just so you know, an Oracle and a Seer will make this book and the other six about three years from now. Oh, and I was supposed to tell you that our year is 2017." Gabriel said as James scoffed, but took on a more serious look as he stepped forward.

"Anyways, we need everyone here to stay strong, and to please not act recklessly as you read these books, because what you read will not be pretty all the time. There will be death, and pain, and things that you will wish not to happen, but must. The really important things will happen no matter what you do, but they're for good reason. So, try to stay cool, calm, and collected while you read." James said, his voice strong and confident as he picked up the book on the table and handed it to Harry, who nodded as he took the book in hand.

"We're giving you guys the chance to change things for the better. Don't make us regret it only to come back and wipe your minds clean. Secrets will be revealed, both in the books and of your own accord, but try and understand." James said as he cast a hardened look at everyone in the room before he smiled and patted Harry shoulder. While walking back to his half-brother's side, James was asked something by Harry

"Hey, I have a question; are you the ones that keep doing this to me? I mean teleporting me from wherever I am to watch some puppets, a musical, or read stories." Harry asked as James looked over his shoulder at him.

"Nope, that's Merlin just having a bit of fun with you. He still does it, even in the future every now and then." James said with a cheeky smirk. James stopped at his brother's side, not turning around as he opened the portal to the future behind Gabriel's back.

"Staying, Gabriel?" James asked as Gabriel cast a sideway glanced at his brother without uncrossing his arms.

"No, we'll get someone from our time to stay with them during the next book when they read it with the whole school present." Gabriel said as he finally turned around to to the vortex and took a step in before he turned back to say something, "Have fun, joke, laugh, and be merry, because these are some of the final days you'll have to do so before the real trouble starts. Then after that you'll be getting jobs, marrying each other, and having us to take care of. Enjoy yourselves…"

A uncomfortable silence filled the room as young Gabriel and James walked through the vortex and it (with them inside) disappeared in a purple flash of light.

* * *

><p>"S-Should we really read it? I mean bad things happen to wizards that mess with time." Hermione asked, terrified about what would happen and what they would discover.<p>

"Yes, Miss Granger, I think we should. Those two children risked a lot by coming here to tell us things properly, so we shall not squander their visit." Dumbledore said, getting a nod from just about everyone.

Dumbledore gestured to Harry, who was still slightly shocked to see two of his kids walk back to the future. Harry jumped a bit as he glanced about the room. Snape and Lucius were glaring at him to begin, while Draco and Ginny were avoiding his gaze, both blushing lightly as Luna twisted the ring on her finger with a dreamy smile on her face, looking at Harry as though she knew him her entire life.

"Huh? Oh, right… Umm… Everyone, please sit down." Harry said as he sat in a loveseat by himself with the book.

"Harry, my boy, I think for a group this large normal reading methods simply won't do." Dumbledore said lightly as Ron and some of the others looked at him oddly.

"What do you mean, sir?" Ginny asked as she sat with her family on the two couches. Ron and Hermione took a loveseat near Harry while Blaise, Pansy, and Theo were in the last loveseat near Malfoy couch. Snape, McGonagall, and Pomfrey sat with each other on a couch as the Tonks family took up the fifth couch. Neville, Luna, and Luna's father Xenophilius took up the sixth couch while Remus, and Sirius took the last. Dumbledore was the only one in an armchair, his being positioned near the fire.

Everyone listened as Dumbledore seemed to make himself comfy before he opened his twinkling blue eyes, giving everyone the feeling that he was their kindly old father or grandfather as he settled his hands over his stomach and prompted up his feet on the footrest in front the chair. Before Harry knew what was happening, the book in his hands floated out of them while he watched it go to float to the middle coffee table.

"Reading it ourselves would be little more than tedious, from continuing to switch readers to us stopping reading only to make comments or point things out. A good spell will solve that problem for us, don't you think" Dumbledore said as they all gazed at the title of the book. Harry's stomach was in knots about what it could reveal about his first year, since that must have been what the title was alluding to.

"What? There are spells that can make books read _themselves_ to us?" the twins asked in their usual unison as Dumbledore smiled at them and nodded, "Then why have we _never_ been told this? Do you know how _useful_ that is?"

"We at Hogwarts like for our students to persue reading themselves to get answers like that. Had you actually wanted knowledge for knowledge's sake, then you would have realized that in your _Standard Book of Spells, Grade 1_ that the spell is located in the book on the first page of the final chapter. I trust that at least some of you knew this." McGonagall said curtly to the twins, who blushed while closing their gaping mouths. McGonagall looked about the room only to see Harry, Draco, and Hermione's hands raised while all the adults were looking anywhere but her gaze.

"I found out after Harry pointed it out to me." Hermione and Draco said in unconscious (and completely unintentional) unison as they looked at each other in surprise, and then looked away with grimaces.

"And how did you, Mr. Potter, find it?" McGonagall asked as Harry shrugged lightly.

"I was sorta skimming through my books after Hagrid and I got them, and saw it. I had forgotten about it until our last day of First Year, and that was when I asked Hermione about it. We practiced it on the train while Ron was eating, and we got it down. I showed Draco it while we had detention that one time in Second Year." Harry said as McGonagall smiled at him.

"Well then, Harry my dear boy, why don't you do the honors of cracking open your book and charming it for us. Think of it as an example to all of us that a little reading is never a bad thing, especially when done on our own time." Dumbledore said as Harry nodded, pulling out his wand from his robe's pocket (surprised for a second, because he knew he hadn't had it on him when he was in his muggle clothes) and waving his wand over the book.

"_**Omnia Recitess**_…" Harry said clearly as he moved his wand in a simply wave over the book. The book snapped own of it's own accord, and flipped it's pages until it got to the first chapter page.

"**Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Chapter One: The Boy Who Lived**" the book read in a clear and smooth female voice, which vaguely reminded Harry of one of his primary school teachers.

"Wait a second, I just realized something!" Ron said loudly as everyone looked at him before he pointed a dramatic finger at Harry, who they turned their eyes to, "This is like your unofficial biography. That means we'll get to, like, know what you think about stuff, and practically everything you do."

Harry thought about it, and remembered key things over the years that he wanted no one to know about. Like the Dursleys, that incident with Quirrel at the end of First Year, that Chamber of Secrets incident in Second Year, his and Hermione traveling through time to save Sirius, and what _really_ happened in the graveyard just last year in Fourth Year. Plus, the later books would be showing things that hadn't even happened yet, and those kids said that the really important things would happen regardless. So that meant…

"Crap, and unicorn turds!" Harry said as he slumped back into his loveseat.

This was _not_ going to go well: Not at all…


	2. The Boy Who Lived, and Shagged To Tell!

**Chapter 2: The Boy Who Lived, and Apparently**** _Sha_**_**gged**_** To Tell About It!**

* * *

><p><strong>Last Time on the Harry Potter Experience<strong>:

"**Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Chapter One: The Boy Who Lived**" _the book read in a clear and smooth female voice, which vaguely reminded Harry of one of his primary school teachers._

_Wait a second, I just realized something!" Ron said loudly as everyone looked at him before he pointed a dramatic finger at Harry, who they turned their eyes to, "This is like your unofficial biography. That means we'll get to, like, know what you think about stuff, and everything you do."_

_Harry thought about it, and remembered key things over the years that he wanted no one to know about. Like the Dursleys, that incident with Quirrel at the end of First Year, that Chamber of Secrets incident in Second Year, his and Hermione traveling through time to save Sirius, and what really happened in the graveyard just last year. Plus, these books would be showing things that hadn't even happened yet, and those kids said that the really important things would happen regardless. So that meant…_

"_Unicorn turds!" Harry declared with a sigh as he slumped back into his loveseat._

_This was not going to go well at all…_

* * *

><p><strong>Now<strong>:

"Mr. Potter, you _will_ watch your language." McGonagall said sharply as Harry sighed and nodded.

"Yes, Ma'am."

* * *

><p>"<strong>Chapter One: The Boy Who Lived<strong>" the book read as George and Fred snickered.

"And apparently shagged to tell about it." Fred whispered to George as they snickered, though Molly managed to reach over and smack the both of them at once.

**Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. **

"Oh no, not them…" Harry groaned as he rested his head in his hands.

Harry hadn't been expecting the Dursleys to be in it so soon, in fact he was hoping these books would only be about his time and adventures while actually at school. Why couldn't Merlin be good to him for once? No, the guy just had to bugger his life with a Quidditch beater's bat.

"What's wrong, _Potter_? Don't want us to know about your egotistic life outside school where you stride about like a freshly bloomed roaster?" Snape sneered at him from across the room as Harry glared at him, but smirked.

McGonagall was only hoping that she wasn't about to find out that by letting Albus leave Harry on the Dursley's doorstep was the wrong thing to do back then. She would pull that boy to live at _her own_ house quicker than a Weasley could say "Quidditch" if _that_ were the case.

"Fine! You know what, _Severus_, let's read on. Then, maybe you'll shut your Merlin-hexed mouth about me strutting and all that nonsense." Harry said coolly, but with a frosty undertone as he sat back and crossed his arms in a calm manner.

"Lets." Snape said with a scoff as he knew he was right. Potter couldn't have a normal childhood, not with him being as arrogant a git as his father was.

**They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense.**

"How boring." Said Fred and George together with a yawn and stretch as Bill shoved them. Blaise was doing the same as Theo and Pnasy rolled their eyes at him.

**Mr. Dursley was the director of a firm called Grunnings, which made drills.**

"What's a drill?" Arthur asked as Harry waved him off.

"It's a Muggle tool used to bore holes in things." Harry, Hermione, Ted, and even Snape (surprisingly) said.

"And how do you know this, Severus?" Lucius asked as Snape raised a brow at him.

"And what business is that of yours?" Snape shot back coolly as Lucius chuckled, but didn't press him.

**He was a big, beefy man with hardly any neck, although he did have a very large moustache. Mrs. Dursley was thin and blonde and had nearly twice the usual amount of neck, which came in very useful as she spent so much of her time craning over garden fences, spying on the neighbors.** **The Dursleys had a small son called Dudley and in their opinion there was no finer boy anywhere.**

**The Dursleys had everything they wanted, but they also had a secret, and their greatest fear was that somebody would discover it. They didn't think they could bear it if anyone found out about the Potters.**

**Mrs. Potter was Mrs. Dursley's sister, but they hadn't met for several years; in fact, Mrs. Dursley pretended she didn't have a sister, because her sister and her good-for-nothing husband were as unDursleyish as it was possible to be. **

"What in the name of Morgana? You sent the boy to that woman?" Remus, Sirius, and Snape (once again surprisingly) roared in unison before looking at each other, and then all three returned to glaring daggers at Dumbledore.

"And Harry has been safe. Somewhat unhappy, yes, but protected and safe all the same." Dumbledore said with a sigh, looking every bit his hundred year age.

"There was nothing wrong with Lily and James…" Molly whispered crossly to herself while Sirius, Snape, and Remus all sat back down. They weren't happy, but they couldn't deny that Dumbledore was right.

**The Dursleys shuddered to think what the neighbors would say if the Potters arrived in the street. The Dursleys knew that the Potters had a small son too, but they had never even seen him. This boy was another good reason for keeping the Potters away; they didn't want Dudley mixing with a child like that.**

"Why would they want that?" Fred said with a smirk as he nudged his brother.

"Yeah, Harry's only a good person, and an unselfish git. It's not like he's a dangerous psychopath." George added as Harry turned to them.

"To them, I am." Harry said without thinking, then quickly avoided everyone's eyes as they all looked at him in shock.

"I can use this information to give to the Dark Lord." Lucius thought with a smirk that only few caught. Harry saw it and shrugged mentally. He didn't care who knew most of the stuff in his years, but some of it was very… bad… in the wrong hands.

"_I'll just Oblivate him after all of this is over with_." Harry thought with a mental smirk.

He always wanted to try that spell…

**When Mr. and Mrs. Dursley woke up on the dull, grey Tuesday our story starts, there was nothing about the cloudy sky outside to suggest that strange and mysterious things would soon be happening all over the country. Mr. Dursley hummed as he picked out his most boring tie for work and Mrs. Dursley gossiped away happily as she wrestled a screaming Dudley into his highchair.**

"What a boring life." Ginny said, thinking about how it was at the Burrow in the morning.

Chaos was her morning life, and she liked it, thank you very much…

**None of them notices a large tawny owl flutter past the window.**

"And so the news begins to spread. A shame that such a glorious day was also one of the worst…" McGonagall said sadly as many found the floor to be interesting as they thought sadly of that day.

"_It was the worst… Oh, Lily_…" Snape thought as he looked away from everything and stared off into the distance.

**At half-past eight, Mr. Dursley picked up his briefcase, pecked Mrs. Dursley on the cheek and tried to kiss Dudley goodbye but missed, because Dudley was now having a tantrum and throwing his cereal at the walls. **

"Why I never!" Pomfrey, McGonagall, Molly, Narcissa, and Andromeda said breathlessly as they clutched at their hearts. If their children (biological or otherwise) had ever done such a thing…

"Sounds like a brat to me." everyone else, except for Dumbledore, muttered though Dumbledore nodded in agreement.

"**Little tyke," chortled Mr. Dursley as he left the house. He got into his car and backed out of number four's drive.**

**It was on the corner of the street that he noticed the first sign of something peculiar – a cat reading a map. For a second, Mr. Dursley didn't realize what he had seen – then he jerked his head around to look again. There was a tabby cat standing on the corner of Privet Drive, but there wasn't a map in sight. What could he have been thinking of? It must have been a trick of the light. Mr. Dursley blinked and stared at the cat. It stared back. As Mr. Dursley drove around the corner and up the road, he watched the ca t in his mirror. It was now reading the sign that said **_**Privet Drive**_** — no, looking at the sign; cats couldn't read maps **_**or**_** signs. Mr. Dursley gave himself a little shake and put the cat out of his mind.**

"Minnie, how could you get caught, even for a moment, by _that_ man? You must be losing your touch." Sirius said as McGonagall gave him a sharp look.

"Quiet, Mr. Black. I wasn't the one traversing the countryside as a dog in broad daylight. Besides, that man couldn't catch me even with a bag of catnip." McGonagall said with a smirk as everyone laughed at the imagery.

**As he drove toward town he thought of nothing except a large order of drills he was hoping to get that day. But on the edge of town, drills were driven out of his mind by something else. As he sat in the usual morning traffic jam, he couldn't help noticing that there seemed to be a lot of strangely dressed people about. People in cloaks. **

"I'm surprised that the Muggles didn't find out about us that day." Arthur said as Lucius nodded, being sensible since they were somewhat co-workers on the subject of the Ministry, "The Ministry spent weeks doing checks and double-checks to be sure that no one found out about us."

**Mr. Dursley couldn't bear people who dressed in funny clothes — the getups you saw on young people! He supposed this was some stupid new fashion. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and his eyes fell on a huddle of these weirdos standing quite close by. They were whispering excitedly together. Mr. Dursley was enraged to see that a couple of them weren't young at all; why, that man had to be older than he was, and wearing an emerald-green cloak! The nerve of him! But then it struck Mr. Dursley that this was probably some silly stunt —these people were obviously collecting for something… yes, that would be it. **

**The traffic moved on and a few minutes later, Mr. Dursley arrived in the Grunnings parking lot, his mind back on drills. **

"These drills must be very interesting." Ron said as his father nodded, "Either than, or this bloke's got a one-track mind."

"It's the latter." Harry muttered, and was surprised when others did to.

**Mr. Dursley always sat with his back to the window in his office on the ninth floor. If he hadn't, he might have found it harder to concentrate on drills that morning. He didn't see the owls swooping past in broad daylight, though people down in the street did; they pointed and gazed open-mouthed as owl after owl sped overhead. Most of them had never seen an owl even at nighttime. Mr. Dursley, however, had a perfectly normal, owl-free morning. **

**He yelled at five different people. He made several important telephone calls and shouted a bit more. He was in a very good mood until lunchtime, when he thought he'd stretch his legs and walk across the road to buy himself a bun from the bakery. **

"As if he needs one." Harry and the twins said, making a few people snort and chuckle while others had amused smiles.

**He'd forgotten all about the people in cloaks until he passed a group of them next to the baker's. He eyed them angrily as he passed. He didn't know why, but they made him uneasy. This bunch were whispering excitedly, too, and he couldn't see a single collecting tin. It was on his way back past them, clutching a large doughnut in a bag, that he caught a few words of what they were saying. **

"**The Potters, that's right, that's what I heard —" **

" — **yes, their son, Harry —" **

**Mr. Dursley stopped dead. **

"I wish…" Harry said as Hermione gasped from having heard him.

"Harry! They may be rotten to you, but you can't simply wish death upon people." Hermione said as Harry rolled his eyes.

"What? I _do_! … Okay, maybe I _half_ do. I wouldn't really wish death on anyone. Even someone like… _him_."

**Fear flooded him. He looked back at the whisperers as if he wanted to say something to them, but thought better of it.**

"Well now, there's a fist time for everything…" Harry said happily as chuckles rang out through the room.

**He dashed back across the road, hurried up to his office, snapped at his secretary not to disturb him, seized his telephone,-**

"His what?" Lucius, Arthur, and Theo asked as Hermione sighed and rolled her eyes.

"It's a device that Muggles use for talking to each other over long distances. A bit like Floo-calling except they can't see each other's faces. Now save your questions and write them down." Snape said, not looking up at anyone as he answered.

**- and had almost finished dialing his home number when he changed his mind. He put the receiver back down and stroked his moustache, thinking… no, he was being stupid. Potter wasn't such an unusual name.**

"In the Muggle world it might be, but here in the wizarding world there has only been one family with the last name Potter. They're even older than the Malfoys, and the Weasleys. In fact, they helped start up both families into becoming Ancient and Noble Houses." Draco said as his Slytherin friends nodded, surprising Harry with that little fact.

"Wow, didn't know… Thanks, Dracokins." Harry said as he sent a smirk at Draco, who finally realized what he said and went pink while hiding his face.

"Prat…" Draco muttered while Theo and Blaise chuckled as Pansy made cooing sounds.

**He was sure there were lots of people called Potter who had a son called Harry. Come to think of it, he wasn't even sure his nephew was called Harry. He'd never even seen the boy. It might have been Harvey. Or Harold. **

"At least he knew the first three letters of your name." Theo sneered while Pomfrey looked visibly upset as Harry smiled darkly.

Oh he just loved the idea of himself getting more and more allies in his hate for the Dursleys…

**There was no point in worrying Mrs. Dursley; she always got so upset at any mention of her sister. He didn't blame her — if he'd had a sister like that -**

"There was _nothing_ wrong with Lily Evans. Lily was _perfectly_ mentionable. It was just that sister of hers that was the taint of their family." Snape said sadly, yet darkly as he spoke in a hiss.

Harry torn his gaze from the book, and looked over at Snape. Had he just call his mother by her first name? And _complimented_ her?

… Now that Harry thought about it, he couldn't remember a single time where Snape had a nasty remark about his mother. It was always, "your father this, or your father that" in his sneeringly cold hiss.

**-**…**but all the same, those people in cloaks…**

**He found it a lot harder to concentrate on drills that afternoon and when he left the building at five o'clock, he was still so worried that he walked straight into someone just outside the door. **

"Poor soul…" someone in the room muttered, but Harry was still too wrapped up in his thoughts about why Snape was so decent about his mother to find out who.

"**Sorry," he grunted, as the tiny old man stumbled and almost fell. It was a few seconds before Mr. Dursley realized that the man was wearing a violet cloak. He didn't seem at all upset at being almost knocked to the ground. On the contrary, his face split into a wide smile and he said in a squeaky voice that made passers-by stare, **

"**Don't be sorry, my dear sir, for nothing could upset me today! Rejoice, for You-Know-Who has gone at last! Even Muggles like yourself should be celebrating, this happy, happy day!" **

"That sounds like… Professor Flitwick?" Hermione said, since the book was doing voices and the one speaking had been a squeaky one.

"It may have been. Merlin knows he always has some reason to be cheerful…" Lucius muttered as he remembered the tiny Professor.

**And the old man hugged Mr. Dursley around the middle and walked off. **

"_Tried_ to hug him would have been more accurate…" Harry heard one of the twins say as chuckles broke his thoughts. Harry decided to leave his thoughts alone and pay attention to the book.

**Mr. Dursley stood rooted to the spot. He had been hugged by a complete stranger. He also thought he had been called a Muggle, whatever that was. He was rattled. He hurried to his car and set off for home, hoping he was imagining things, which he had never hoped before, because he didn't approve of imagination. **

"What imagination?" Fred said to George as George shrugged.

"Maybe the one he hid in the back of that empty flask he calls a mind?" George suggested, sounding somewhat like Snape as he did.

Even Snape chuckled at that one, but he only did it mentally.

**As he pulled into the driveway of Number Four, the first thing he saw—and it didn't improve his mood — was the tabby cat he'd spotted that morning. It was now sitting on his garden wall. He was sure it was the same one; it had the same markings around its eyes. **

"**Shoo!" said Mr. Dursley loudly. **

**The cat didn't move. It just gave him a stern look. **

"Yep, that's definitely you, Professor." George said to McGonagall, who smiled somewhat.

"It sounds like you gave him the same look that you normally give us." Fred said as Snape rolled his eyes.

"That's because it is." Pansy said as she lounged on her loveseat with Blaise and Theo on either side of her.

"I didn't even know one could do so as a cat…" Lucius muttered to himself and his wife Narcissa as Ted and Nymphadora nodded in agreement, having overheard him.

**Was this normal cat behavior? Mr. Dursley wondered. Trying to pull himself together, he let himself into the house. He was still determined not to mention anything to his wife. **

**Mrs. Dursley had had a nice, normal day. She told him over dinner all about Mrs. Next Door's problems with her daughter and how Dudley had learned a new word ("Won't!"). Mr. Dursley tried to act normally. When Dudley had been put to bed, he went into the living room in time to catch the last report on the evening news: **

"That woman's got issues, Harry mate. Spying on the neighbors? I mean, what would happen if she caught them while they were having-"

"Ronald, do not finish that!" Hermione said sternly as Sirius and Remus exchanged raised brows. Ron's ears colored as he stopped whispering to Harry and glanced over at the sharp look Hermione was giving him.

"Umm… Sorry?" Ron said as Hermione huffed.

"Back to the book." Hermione said firmly as Ron's cheeks and ears began to match in red as he and Harry (who looked rather smug for some reason and was making whipping sounds along with Draco, Blaise, Theo, and Pansy) nodded to her.

"**And finally, bird-watchers everywhere have reported that the nation's owls have been behaving very unusually today. Although owls normally hunt at night and are hardly ever seen in daylight, there have been hundreds of sightings of these birds flying in every direction since sunrise. Experts are unable to explain why the owls have suddenly changed their sleeping pattern." The newscaster allowed himself a grin. "Most mysterious. And now, over to Jim McGuffin with the weather. Going to be any more showers of owls tonight, Jim?" **

"They were telling bad jokes even back _then?"_ Harry and Hermione muttered. Snape rolled his eyes as Ted face-palmed himself.

"**Well, Ted," said the weatherman, "I don't know about that, but it's not only the owls that have been acting oddly today. Viewers as far apart as Kent, Yorkshire, and Dundee have been phoning in to tell me that instead of the rain I promised yesterday, they've had a downpour of shooting stars! Perhaps people have been celebrating Bonfire Night early — it's not until next week, folks! But I can promise a wet night tonight." **

**Mr. Dursley sat frozen in his armchair. Shooting stars all over Britain? Owls flying by daylight? Mysterious people in cloaks all over the place? And a whisper, a whisper about the Potters… **

**Mrs. Dursley came into the living room carrying two cups of tea. It was no good. He'd have to say something to her. He cleared his throat nervously. "Er — Petunia, dear — you haven't heard from your sister lately, have you?" **

**As he had expected, Mrs. Dursley looked shocked and angry. After all, they normally pretended she didn't have a sister. **

"**No," she said sharply. "Why?" **

"**Funny stuff on the news," Mr. Dursley mumbled. "Owls… shooting stars… and there were a lot of funny-looking people in town today…" **

"**So?" snapped Mrs. Dursley. **

"**Well, I just thought… maybe… it was something to do with… you know… her crowd." **

"Didn't know that we were some sort of _crowd."_ Lucius sneered as Narcissa did the same.

They were better than a crowd, they were a secret society of age old magic-users, dammit!

**Mrs. Dursley sipped her tea through pursed lips. Mr. Dursley wondered whether he dared tell her he'd heard the name "Potter." He decided he didn't dare. Instead he said, as casually as he could, "Their son — he'd be about Dudley's age now, wouldn't he?" **

"**I suppose so," said Mrs. Dursley stiffly. **

"**What's his name again? Howard, isn't it?" **

"**Harry. Nasty, common name, if you ask me." **

"Actually, back then it wasn't that common a name. In the wizarding world anyway, but after You-Know-Who's downfall, it became a popular name for the next two years in particular**." **McGonagall said as Harry blinked in confusion.

"Really, why?" Harry asked, but all he received were incredulous looks from everyone, even Draco. Hell, even his best friends Ron and Hermione were giving him odd looks, "What?" he said at the stares and raised brows of disbelief.

"You seriously didn't just ask that, Potter?" Snape said with a look of exasperation.

Okay, he could _kind of_ get that the boy _might not_ have been _twice_ as arrogant as his father, but _seriously_?

"Yes, yes I did. Why are you all looking at me like that?" Harry asked as he gazed around at everyone in the room.

"You had just defeated the Dark Lord, you dunderhead. So naturally, people decided to name their kids after you, dimwit." Snape sneered out, though his words didn't hold much venom as they did annoyance.

Harry blushed as all three Malfoys, the three Slytherins, and even a few Weasleys snickered at him and his oblivious ways.

"**Oh, yes," said Mr. Dursley, his heart sinking horribly. "Yes, I quite agree." **

**He didn't say another word on the subject as they went upstairs to bed. While Mrs. Dursley was in the bathroom, Mr. Dursley crept to the bedroom window and peered down into the front garden. The cat was still there. It was staring down Privet Drive as though it were waiting for something. **

**Was he imagining things? Could all this have anything to do with the Potters? If it did… if it got out that they were related to a pair of — well, he didn't think he could bear it. **

"I can't either, believe me." Harry said, staring at the book in distain.

**The Dursleys got into bed. Mrs. Dursley fell asleep quickly but Mr. Dursley lay awake, turning it all over in his mind. His last, comforting thought before he fell asleep was that even if the Potters were involved, there was no reason for them to come near him and Mrs. Dursley. The Potters knew very well what he and Petunia thought about them and their kind… He couldn't see how he and Petunia could get mixed up in anything that might be going on — he yawned and turned over — it couldn't affect them…**

**How very wrong he was.**

* * *

><p><strong>Mr. Dursley might have been drifting into an uneasy sleep, but the cat on the wall outside was showing no sign of sleepiness. It was sitting as still as a statue, its eyes fixed unblinkingly on the far corner of Privet Drive. It didn't so much as quiver when a car door slammed on the next street, nor when two owls swooped overhead. In fact, it was nearly midnight before the cat moved at all. <strong>

"How could you sit still for _that_ long?" Ron asked in disbelief. He barely wanted to sit still for five minutes, let alone _hours_ at a time.

"It's called patience." was all McGonagall said as she crossed her legs, sitting as a proper woman would.

**A man appeared on the corner the cat had been watching, appeared so suddenly and silently you'd have thought he'd just popped out of the ground. The cat's tail twitched and its eyes narrowed. **

**Nothing like this man had ever been seen on Privet Drive. He was tall, thin, and very old, judging by the silver of his hair and beard, which were both long enough to tuck into his belt. He was wearing long robes, a purple cloak that swept the ground, and high-heeled, buckled boots. His blue eyes were light, bright, and sparkling behind half-moon spectacles and his nose was very long and crooked, as though it had been broken at least twice. This man's name was Albus Dumbledore.**

"Dumbledore!" Harry exclaimed musically as he raised his hands high above his head and shook them.

"Ron, Ron, Ron Weasley!" Draco and Blaise joined in before they and Harry were smacked upside their heads.

"Wait. You went to Harry's neighborhood? You knew where they were all along?" Remus asked as Dumbledore nodded.

"Then why didn't _we_ get to know?" Remus said as he rose from the chair.

"I felt that the less people who knew back then, the better. Especially after such events. Won't you agree?" Dumbledore said gently, his calm and twinkling eyes making Remus sit back down.

**Albus Dumbledore didn't seem to realize that he had just arrived in a street where everything from his name to his boots was unwelcome. **

"Which proves that I live in the stuck-up part of the neighborhood." Harry said with a sigh and a shrug.

"Professor Dumbledore's a wizard, Potter. I don't think it-"

"They're still stuck-up though." Harry interrupted Blaise as he crossed his arms childishly.

**He was busy rummaging in his cloak, looking for something. But he did seem to realize he was being watched, because he looked up suddenly at the cat, which was still staring at him from the other end of the street. For some reason, the sight of the cat seemed to amuse him. **

**He chuckled and muttered, "I should have known." **

**He found what he was looking for in his inside pocket. It seemed to be a silver cigarette lighter. He flicked it open, held it up in the air, and clicked it. The nearest street lamp went out with a little pop. **

"Absolutely wicked, sir. Where did you get it?" the twins asked excitedly as Dumbledore chuckled lightly.

"I created it." Dumbledore said, gaining a few impressed looks from everyone.

**He clicked it again — the next lamp flickered into darkness. Twelve times he clicked the Put-Outer, until the only lights left on the whole street were two tiny pinpricks in the distance, which were the eyes of the cat watching him. If anyone looked out of their window now, even beady-eyed Mrs. Dursley, they wouldn't be able to see anything that was happening down on the pavement. Dumbledore slipped the Put-Outer back inside his cloak and set off down the street toward number four, where he sat down on the wall next to the cat. He didn't look at it, but after a moment he spoke to it. **

"**Fancy seeing you here, Professor McGonagall." **

"Yes, because everyone knows the place to be is Privet Drive. Where boys and girls become true men and women. Where monsters are slain and riches are found." Fred said as George nodded with his identical smirk.

"You forgot about the amazing food and never-ending parties, but I think that'll do for now."

"Unconiscious rhyming and twin telepathy are not allowed around my baby!" Harry yelled as he reached over and covered Ron's stomach. Ron's eyes widened before his face went red while everyone stared at him and Harry in shock. Ron finally got out of it and smacked in the back of the head, though that didn't stop Harry's grinning one bit.

"I'm the only one that gets to have Potter babies..." Draco muttered to himself as he crossed his arms and pouted childishly. Theo and Pansy exchanged shrugs while Blaise was convicing Draco's parents that Draco was simply having his monthly. That got him a slap from Draco, a glare from Lucius, and a chuckle out of Narcissa.

**He turned to smile at the tabby, but it had gone. Instead he was smiling at a rather severe-looking woman who was wearing square glasses exactly the shape of the markings the cat had had around its eyes. She, too, was wearing a cloak, an emerald one. Her black hair was drawn into a tight bun. She looked distinctly ruffled. **

"**How did you know it was me?" she asked. **

"**My dear Professor, I've never seen a cat sit so stiffly." **

"**You'd be stiff if you'd been sitting on a brick wall all day," said Professor McGonagall. **

"That was your own fault." everyone in the room said as McGonagall gave them all a sharp look and crossed her arms defiantly.

"Well it's true!" Snape said beside her as she slapped his arm.

"I think I liked the teenage you better. He wouldn't have _dared_ to speak to me like that. The old days were so much better…" McGonagall said while Snape's pale face went a tint of pink as Pomfrey and Lucius chuckled, both remembering the quiet and respectful boy Snape had been in his youth.

"So now Severus is... truly outrageous! Truly, truly, truly outrage-"

"Make one Gem joke in here and you'll be sorry, Potter."

"Sorry Sever..."

"**All day? When you could have been celebrating? I must have passed a dozen feasts and parties on my way here." **

**Professor McGonagall sniffed angrily. **

"**Oh yes, everyone's celebrating, all right," she said impatiently. "You'd think they'd be a bit more careful, but no — even the Muggles have noticed something's going on. It was on their news." She jerked her head back at the Dursleys' dark living-room window. "I heard it. Flocks of owls… shooting stars… Well, they're not completely stupid. They were bound to notice something. Shooting stars down in Kent — I'll bet that was Dedalus Diggle. He never had much sense." **

"Well, you really can't blame them, Minerva." Dumbledore said as McGonagall and Snape scowled.

"Out celebrating the death of two of the bravest, and best people I had ever known…" Remus muttered gloomily to himself as Sirius patted his back.

"It's alright, I know how you feel, Moony…" Sirius muttered back.

"**You can't blame them," said Dumbledore gently. "We've had precious little to celebrate for eleven years." **

"**I know that," said Professor McGonagall irritably. "But that's no reason to lose our heads. People are being downright careless, out on the streets in broad daylight, not even dressed in Muggle clothes, swapping rumors." **

**She threw a sharp, sideways glance at Dumbledore here, as though hoping he was going to tell her something, but he didn't, so she went on. "A fine thing it would be if, on the very day You-Know-Who seems to have disappeared at last, the Muggles found out about us all. I suppose he really has gone, Dumbledore?" **

"We had hoped…" Ted said as Lucius sneered at him. The Dark Lord was back now, and Potter would soon end up dead and _far_ away from his son. Merlin only knows what sort of "activities" the two hormonal teenagers got up to while at Hogwarts, and Lucius would _not_ have his boy fornicating with _Potter_.

Narcissa only gave her husband a sideways glance as she sighed. Merlin only knows what Lucius would do if he caught their Draco doing anything with Harry Potter other than hexing each other, and even _then_ it was a toss up between him joining into the killing of the Potter boy, or simply cheering Draco on from the sidelines.

"**It certainly seems so," said Dumbledore. "We have much to be thankful for. Would you care for a sherbet-lemon drop?" **

"**A what?"**

"**A sherbet-lemon drop. They're a kind of Muggle sweet I'm rather fond of." **

"**No, thank you," said Professor McGonagall coldly, as though she didn't think this was the moment for sherbet-lemon drops.**

"My dear Minerva, there is _always_ time for lemon drops; sherbet or otherwise." Dumbledore said to the amusement of others while his eyes twinkled with mirth.

"Candy is dany, but liqour is quicker." Neville said as the others stared at him, "W-What? I'm not allowed to may jokes and obscure references too?"

"Honestly, I thought you'd be too nervous to, but that was a good one. Willy Wonka, huh, Nev?" Harry said as Blaise shook Neville hand.

"Yeah, and just the saying itself."

**"As I say, even if You-Know-Who has gone —" **

"**My dear Professor, surely a sensible person like yourself can call him by his name? All this 'You-Know-Who' nonsense — for eleven years I have been trying to persuade people to call him by his proper name: Voldemort."**

Everyone flinched except Dumbledore and Harry.

"You didn't flinch, Harry Potter?" Narcissa said, her statement of confusion still coming out like a question while she looked Harry up and down.

"Why would I? I have no problem saying or hearing his name. He's been _trying to kill me_ for the past _four_ years now. I think he and I can be on a first name or title basis by now. In fact, the next time I see him, I think I'll call him Tom or Riddle. Or maybe Tommy, you know, just to annoy him…" Harry said, looking straight back at an impressed Narcissa. However, Narcissa wasn't the only one to be impressed by him and his daring, many of the others were too.

Though that went with out saying that they thought him a bit mental and suicidal…

"_He's exactly the type of boy that I'd want for my little Dragon_." Narcissa thought as she smiled at him before her eyes flickered over to her smiling once-removed sister, Andromeda, who was probably thinking the same thing along with Molly Weasley and that Lovegood fellow who looked just as impressed.

Narcissa shrugged, she was sure that the Potter boy could handle a few more "companions". The real question was; could her little Draco handle sharing? Especially with his-

**Professor McGonagall flinched, but Dumbledore, who was unsticking two lemon drops, seemed not to notice. "It all gets so confusing if we keep saying 'You-Know-Who.' I have never seen any reason to be frightened of saying Voldemort's name." **

"And why would you?" Harry asked, truly confused as to how anyone could rationalize fear of that level. The others had decided not to flinch, because they were sure they'd be hearing a lot of Voldemort's name while reading the books.

"**I know you haven't," said Professor McGonagall, sounding half exasperated, half admiring. "But you're different. Everyone knows you're the only one You-Know- oh, all right, Voldemort, was frightened of." **

"**You flatter me," said Dumbledore calmly. "Voldemort had powers I will never have." **

"Only because you're far too _noble_ to use them." everyone said, even if three of those people did it sneeringly.

"**Only because you're too — well — noble to use them." **

"**It's lucky it's dark. I haven't blushed so much since Madam Pomfrey told me she liked my new earmuffs." **

Madam Pomfrey blushed from her spot beside McGonagall. She remembered that day when she saw the Headmaster blush, and it was a strange sight to behold.

"Well that just about ruined my dinner…" Draco whispered over the arm of the couch to Theo, who laughed and passed it on to his fellow two Slytherins sitting beside him.

**Professor McGonagall shot a sharp look at Dumbledore and said "The owls are nothing next to the rumors that are flying around. You know what they're saying? About why he's disappeared? About what finally stopped him?" **

**It seemed that Professor McGonagall had reached the point she was most anxious to discuss, the real reason she had been waiting on a cold, hard wall all day, for neither as a cat nor as a woman had she fixed Dumbledore with such a piercing stare as she did now. It was plain that whatever "everyone" was saying, she was not going to believe it until Dumbledore told her it was true. **

**Dumbledore, however, was choosing another sherbet-lemon drop and did not answer. **

"**What they're saying," she pressed on, "is that last night Voldemort turned up in Godric's Hollow. He went to find the Potters. The rumor is that Lily and James Potter are — are — that they're — dead." **

Many people glanced at Harry, only to see an unreadable expression on his face and his mind clouded. All the adult women had tears in their eyes, whereas the men simply looked away as their hearts gave a painful tug. Even Lucius and Narcissa did so. For Lucius it was because James had been a respectable man. A fool of a man for not using his great power to aid the Dark Lord, choosing instead to defy the Dark One, but a respectable adversary none the less. For Narcissa it was because Lily had been a good friend and person during their few Hogwarts' years together.

**Dumbledore bowed his head. Professor McGonagall gasped. **

"**Lily and James… I can't believe it… I didn't want to believe it… Oh, Albus…" **

"I still don't want to believe it, even now. I keep thinking that little blockheaded boy will come limping into my hospital ward groaning as little Lily harps him for getting hurt." Madam Pomfrey said with her own head bowed. McGonagall rubbed circles on her back as she herself looked saddened.

**Dumbledore reached out and patted her on the shoulder. "I know… I know…" he said heavily. **

**Professor McGonagall's voice trembled as she went on. "That's not all. They're saying he tried to kill the Potter's son, Harry. But he couldn't. He couldn't kill that little boy. No one knows why, or how, but they're saying that when he couldn't kill Harry Potter, Voldemort's power somehow broke — and that's why he's gone." **

**Dumbledore nodded glumly. **

"**It's — it's true?" faltered Professor McGonagall. "After all he's done… all the people he's killed… he couldn't kill a little boy? It's just astounding… of all the things to stop him… but how in the name of heaven did Harry survive?" **

"That is something we all want to know." Lucius asked silkily as he looked at Harry, who shrugged.

"Don't look at me like that. My mother is the reason I'm still alive, and Voldemort kind of ruined that protection last year by using my blood to revive his body. Though he didn't get my devilish good looks, he did get the ability to touch me now." Harry said as everyone looked at him in shock.

"So it's true then? He's back?" Ted asked as Harry nodded.

"Yup, cooked himself up some revival stew, and then bathe in in. It was kind of disgusting, having had Peter Pettigrew's hand in the mix and all, but I think my blood helped give it the extra kick and flavor." Harry said with a slight grin as everyone was floored.

"We'll probably find out in the Fourth book of his Hogwarts years, so no need to harp him about it." Molly said as Narcissa nodded.

"Stew, Potter? Really?" Draco asked in mirth as Harry shrugged.

"It's _true_ though."

"**We can only guess." said Dumbledore. "We may never know." **

"You know why, you F-"

"Harry Potter! Finish that statement, and you'll have detention your first week back."

"… I'll be good…"

**Professor McGonagall pulled out a lace handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes beneath her spectacles. Dumbledore gave a great sniff as he took a golden watch from his pocket and examined it. It was a very odd watch. It had twelve hands but no numbers; instead, little planets were moving around the edge. It must have made sense to Dumbledore, though, because he put it back in his pocket and said, "Hagrid's late. I suppose it was he who told you I'd be here, by the way?" **

"**Yes," said Professor McGonagall. "And I don't suppose you're going to tell me why you're here, of all places?" **

"**I've come to bring Harry to his aunt and uncle. They're the only family he has left now." **

"Not… one… word… or else…" Sirius growled to Remus, who merely smiled sadly and nodded.

"Not one, but five; next time, don't be stupid."

"Hey, wait. Why couldn't Remus take me in?" Harry asked as Remus sighed.

"Werewolf, Harry."

"I don't give two swish and flickers about you being a werewolf. Then why couldn't anyone, _anyone _else, even the _Malfoys_ take me in?"

"Lucius was too busy grieving the death of his Master then, Harry. A person of known magical descend can only go to their closet living blood relatives." Dumbledore said sadly as Harry huffed and crossed his arms.

"Then you would have done better just placing me by my parents' graves and sending someone to feed me every few hours..."

_"Living_ relatives, Harry, living."

"I know what you said!"

"Mate, you're angsting again."

"I know what I'm doing, Ron!"

"**You don't mean – you can't mean the people who live here?" cried Professor McGonagall, jumping to her feet and pointing at number four. "Dumbledore — you can't. I've been watching them all day. You couldn't find two people who are less like us. And they've got this son — I saw him kicking his mother all the way up the street, screaming for sweets. Harry Potter come and live here!" **

"I'm sorry Professor Dumbledore, but I'm taking Professor McGonagall side on this one. He still kicks her up the street, and I'm made to follow now-a-days in the middle of broad daylight." Harry said seriously as the mothers in the room looked taken back.

If one of their children even thought about it… Oh, they'd wake up with three legs, but one wouldn't be theirs _and_ it'd be crammed down their bottoms…

"**It's the best place for him," said Dumbledore firmly. "His aunt and uncle will be able to explain everything to him when he's older. I've written them a letter." **

Everyone in the room gave Dumbledore a look as the elderly wizard found the ceiling very interesting while they did so.

"Now _all_ of you see why I _don't_ blindly follow this man, _or_ approve of him." Lucius said loud and clear as Harry started contemplating if he and Tom could set aside their differences just to knock some common sense into Dumbledore.

Yeah, he was sure they could...

"**A letter?" repeated Professor McGonagall faintly, sitting back down on the wall. "Really, Dumbledore, you think you can explain all this in a letter? These people will never understand him! He'll be famous — a legend — I wouldn't be surprised if today was known as Harry Potter day in the future — there will be books written about Harry — every child in our world will know his name!" **

"Unfortunately…" Harry said in a mutter with a sigh, but everyone still heard him.

"**Exactly." said Dumbledore, looking very seriously over the top of his half-moon glasses. "It would be enough to turn any boy's head. Famous before he can walk and talk! Famous for something he won't even remember! Can you see how much better off he'll be, growing up away from all that until he's ready to take it?" **

**Professor McGonagall opened her mouth, changed her mind, swallowed, and then said, "Yes — yes, you're right, of course.- **

"Oh, Professor, couldn't you have tried just a _little_ bit harder." Harry whined, but received a laugh in reply from the normally stern woman, "What?"

"You sound just like your father. He use to whine too. Use to say things like why I wouldn't teach him and his friends how to transfigure homework into candy or fancy broomsticks."

**-But how is the boy getting here, Dumbledore?" She eyed his cloak suddenly as though she thought he might be hiding Harry underneath it. **

"**Hagrid's bringing him." **

"You… _didn't…"_ Remus and all the females (besides McGonagall) in the room said slowly as Dumbledore nodded.

"I did…"

"**You think it — wise — to trust Hagrid with something as important as this?" **

"I don't know. I'd trust Hagrid with my life, even then as a baby." Harry said as Draco scoffed at him without any true venom.

"You would. That lumbering oaf is a butterfingers and-"

"Malfoy." Harry hissed with venom as everyone was floored by that. Most had never heard Harry speak even one angered word or such, but that one hiss of warning was enough for them to know not to get on the bad side of one Harry Potter.

"**I would trust Hagrid with my life," said Dumbledore. **

"As would I." Remus, Sirius, and many of the younger ones said. Surprisingly even Blaise and Pansy said it while Theo simply nodded.

Traitors." Draco muttered as Pansy scoffed at him.

"Just because you got tore-up by a Hippogriff, doesn't mean Hagrid isn't nice. The guy is like the _epitome_ of friendly and kind-hearted. It's almost sickening, and it really _is_ sickening sometimes. Like when he's crying over stuff that's not really his fault." Pansy said as Theo nodded once again.

"Yeah, like that time we went to hex him for you getting hurt by his beast. We heard him crying about how it was all his fault that you got hurt, and how he deserved whatever punishment he got. The dude was up for hours torturing himself over that stupid scratch the hippogriff gave you, and all you did was lounge around like a Muggle on Sunday." Theo said as Draco huffed and turned away.

"It was his own fault…" Draco muttered as he glanced up at Harry, who did not look amused in the least, "Fine! I'll go and play nice with him! If only for you."

"That's all I ask, my sly little dragon." Harry said as Draco turned a dark pink.

"Sly little dragon?" Narcissa echoed in mirth as she gazed down at her son with a raised brow while he tried to will himself into invisibility. Lucius, however, looked like a steamed crab.

"Talk about this later!" Lucius hissed harshly to both his giggling wife and his groaning son.

"**I'm not saying his heart isn't in the right place," said Professor McGonagall grudgingly, "but you can't pretend he's not careless. He does tend to — what was that?" **

**A low rumbling sound had broken the silence around them. It grew steadily louder as they looked up and down the street for some sign of a headlight; it swelled to a roar as they both looked up at the sky — and a huge motorcycle fell out of the air and landed on the road in front of them. **

"He actually used my bike…" Sirius said in astonishment.

"But of course! Hagrid still has it as well." Dumbledore said as Sirius shook his head.

"Let him keep it, and when Harry comes of age, let him decide if he wants to have it or not." Sirius said with a wink to Harry.

"I'd be glad to have it, Sirius, but if Hagrid is still using it, I wouldn't take it from him."

**If the motorcycle was huge, it was nothing to the man sitting astride it. He was almost twice as tall as a normal man and at least five times as wide. He looked simply too big to be allowed, and so wild — long tangles of bushy black hair and beard hid most of his face, he had hands the size of trash can lids, and his feet in their leather boots were like baby dolphins. In his vast, muscular arms he was holding a bundle of blankets. **

"You sound like you'd be such a _cute_ little baby, Potter. I wish this thing got picture though." Draco said as all the women nodded, making Harry blush and while manly sniggers were heard.

Dumbledore seemed to like punishing Harry, because he took out his own wand and moved it in a circular motion, making the book project a moving imagery of the scene. The women cooed over baby Harry while the men whistled in awe at the picture. It was like they were really there, or in a Pensieve.

"**Hagrid," said Dumbledore, sounding relieved. "At last. And where did you get that motorcycle?" **

"**Borrowed it, Professor Dumbledore, sir," said the giant, climbing carefully off the motorcycle as he spoke. "Young Sirius Black lent it to me. I've got him, sir." **

"You know, I didn't think that M-Mr. B-Black here would be mentioned until the Third Year book." Neville said meekly as he glanced over at Sirius from across the room. Sirius winked at him jokingly, and he almost fainted.

"**No problems, were there?" **

"**No, sir — house was almost destroyed, but I got him out all right before the Muggles started swarmin' around. He fell asleep as we was flyin' over Bristol." **

**Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall bent forward over the bundle of blankets. Inside, just visible, was a baby boy, fast asleep. Under a tuft of jet-black hair over his forehead they could see a curiously shaped cut, like a bolt of lightning. **

"Aww." the girls and Draco said as the twins did the same though mockingly.

"Look at our little man, Gred." Fred said as George pulled him into a side hug.

"I know, Forge. They grow up so fast. Already beating Dark Lords left and right, year after year. Raised him so well, we did." George said, squeezing out a tear as Fred leaned into him lovingly, but both soon broke into laughter as Ron thought they were serious and his eye started twitching.

His family did not need twin-cest to be on their list of Weasley-woos.

"**Is that where —?" whispered Professor McGonagall. **

"**Yes," said Dumbledore. "He'll have that scar forever." **

"**Couldn't you do something about it, Dumbledore?" **

"**Even if I could, I wouldn't.- **

"Now that I think about it, I really wouldn't either. I mean, sure it gets me noticed, and magical means can't hide it unless I'm hiding or changing myself fully, but it's a part of me, ya know. It's what makes me; Harry Potter." Harry said with pride as Draco, Ginny, and Ron scoffed at him.

"You say that now, mate, but wait until we're back at school when the ickle firsties are trying to have a look at it." Ron said with a chuckle.

"Yeah, Harry. Then you'll be back to thinking about how annoying it was when people stare at your scar." Ginny said as Harry pouted with his arms crossed like a child.

"Can't people be happy about my growth as a person?"

"No, Potter. Because then you'd do nothing but mope about how _everything_ is all your fault." Draco said as Harry's pout only increased.

**-Scars can come in handy. I have one myself above my left knee that is a perfect map of the London Underground.- **

"Really? Why, sir?" Bill asked as Dumbledore nodded.

"It… It was very useful, and now it helps to serve as a reminder of… good things from my youth…" Dumbledore said, looking his age again as he sighed.

Why did _he_ have to use him? Why couldn't they have just been happy together like he had dreamed those many nights when they were young adults taking on the world? But no, _he_ had to go and want the world under _his_ thumb!

**-Well — give him here, Hagrid — we'd better get this over with." **

**Dumbledore took Harry in his arms and turned toward the Dursleys' house. **

"**Could I — could I say good-bye to him, sir?" asked Hagrid. He bent his great, shaggy head over Harry and gave him what must have been a very scratchy, whiskery kiss. Then, suddenly, Hagrid let out a howl like a wounded dog. **

"**Shhh!" hissed Professor McGonagall, "You'll wake the Muggles!" **

"**S-s-sorry," sobbed Hagrid, taking out a large, spotted handkerchief and burying his face in it. "But I c-c-can't stand it —Lily an' James dead — an' poor little Harry off ter live with Muggles —" **

"**Yes, yes, it's all very sad, but get a grip on yourself, Hagrid, or we'll be found," Professor McGonagall whispered, patting Hagrid gingerly on the arm as Dumbledore stepped over the low garden wall and walked to the front door. **

**He laid Harry gently on the doorstep, took a letter out of his cloak, tucked it inside Harry's blankets, and then came back to the other two. For a full minute the three of them stood and looked at the little bundle; Hagrid's shoulders shook, Professor McGonagall blinked furiously, and the twinkling light that usually shone from Dumbledore's eyes seemed to have gone out. **

"**Well," said Dumbledore finally, "that's that. We've no business staying here. We may as well go and join the celebrations." **

"**Yeah," said Hagrid in a very muffled voice, "I'll be takin' Sirius his bike back. G'night, Professor McGonagall — Professor Dumbledore, sir." **

**Wiping his streaming eyes on his jacket sleeve, Hagrid swung himself onto the motorcycle and kicked the engine into life; with a roar it rose into the air and off into the night. **

"How on earth did you sleep through that?" Neville asked as the Tonks family beside him nodded. Neville knew Harry to be an extremely light sleeper, so he was a bit surprised.

Harry only shrugged. Even he wasn't sure, but it was probably silencing charms.

Boy did those things come in handy now that he and the others were all around 14!

"**I shall see you soon, I expect, Professor McGonagall," said Dumbledore, nodding to her. Professor McGonagall blew her nose in reply. **

**Dumbledore turned and walked back down the street. On the corner he stopped and took out the silver Put-Outer. He clicked it once, and twelve balls of light sped back to their street lamps so that Privet Drive glowed suddenly orange and he could make out a tabby cat slinking around the corner at the other end of the street. He could just see the bundle of blankets on the step of number four. **

"**Good luck, Harry," he murmured. He turned on his heel and with a swish of his cloak, he was gone. **

"We are not even going to address the fact that you _left him on a doorstep_, Professor, but that is simply for the fact that we don't want to kill you. Though I don't think any of us are powerful enough to kill you either, but that is beside the point." Ted said as others in the room nodded while Harry's eye twitched.

He was left on a _doorstep?_ Why was he _not_ surprised!

**A breeze ruffled the neat hedges of Privet Drive, which lay silent and tidy under the inky sky, the very last place you would expect astonishing things to happen. Harry Potter rolled over inside his blankets without waking up. One small hand closed on the letter beside him and he slept on, not knowing he was special, not knowing he was famous, not knowing he would be woken in a few hours' time by Mrs. Dursley's scream as she opened the front door to put out the milk bottles, nor that he would spend the next few weeks being prodded and pinched by his cousin Dudley… **

Most of everyone was glaring at the book.

"How dare that _filth_ even touch you." Draco growled as Harry chuckled at him.

"Don't worry, Dracokins, you can touch me." Harry said with a wink as Ginny and Luna both looked a bit saddened and jealous, "… or perhaps Ginny, and/or Luna would like to cleanse me of Dudley's filth?"

"I would, Harry!" Luna said excitedly, but then turned to her father, "Can I Daddy?"

"Of course, Luna my dear. Harry will need more than one good… _person_ in his life if he's to get over many of the things to have affected his life negatively. I say, do what your heart tells you." Xenophilius said as Luna nodded and walked over to sit by Harry.

Draco growled at her as Ginny looked at her father, who nodded to her before she did the same. Draco was full on glaring and bearing his teeth by that point, which made Lucius and Narcissa exchange looks of concern with Snape and Pomfrey.

… especially when Draco started to glow lightly…

**He couldn't know that at this very moment, people meeting in secret all over the country were holding up their glasses and saying in hushed voices: "To Harry Potter — the boy who lived!" **

"If I did, then I think I would have smacked the nimrod that came up with that bloody name." Harry said as he allowed Luna and Ginny to hug themselves to him.

"Draco, come with us." Snape said as he reached out at Draco and pulled him into the Malfoy room by the back of his robes while Draco was kicking out and cursing Luna and Ginny. Pomfrey and Narcissa were following close behind while Lucius had already moved into the room as soon as the last word of the chapter was uttered.

* * *

><p>"Umm… Ginny, aren't you with that Michael Corner guy?" Ron asked as Harry quirked a brow at a reddened Ginny, who had forgotten she had a boyfriend for a moment.<p>

The real question though was; How did Ron find out?

"Um… well… You see…"

"Michael Corner?" Harry asked Ron coolly as Ginny gulped. She and Hermione knew that whenever Harry used such a cool and crisp tone, it meant that he was either very curious or very displeased.

The fact was though, either one was bad because it went hand-in-hand with the other, which meant that either way, Harry would end up being pissed off.

"Oh, honestly, Harry. It's none of your business who-"

"Michael Corner? You mean that wishy-washy bloke whose dating our little sister, and didn't even think to tell any of us? The only reason we knew about it was because we overheard Hermione and Ginny. We were thinking of not telling Ron-" Fred started as he popped up behind Hermione.

"But it must have slipped our minds not to tell him, ya know. This Michael bloke is a Ravenclaw from your year, Harry." George said as he popped up on the other side of her.

"He's a right git, he is. The guy didn't even come meet the folks and family before they were snogging it up in the halls and all that."

"Thanks, Fred, George. I'm glad I now know who beat me to your lovely sister here. Now, if you'll excuse." Harry said as he stood from his loveseat, though Luna was still on his arm as he walked into the kitchen with the door swinging in and out as he and Luna talked and laughed.

Ginny glared hot daggers at her brothers while her face turned as red at her hair.

"Why the devil did you do that? You all know that I just got over my crush on Harry." Ginny hissed harshly as Ron looked a look shaken by it, but like Fred and George, he too actually glared right back.

"Because you know that we never liked you keep secrets from us, _especially_ after what happened the last time you decided you could. If you were really over Harry, then you wouldn't be hissing at us. If there is one person you _won't_ keep a secret or anything from; it's Harry. He saved you, and you _know _what that means, even if he doesn't." Fred said in a crisp tone as he and George gave her a hard look.

"I haven't told him, but he _will_ find out about it sooner or later. You thought you could keep you dating this… this _wanker_ from us, and even after we hinted to you that we knew, you still didn't come clean about it. The guy isn't even that interested in you if he doesn't want to meet any of us. Every time we see him, he has something to do in the _other_ direction." Ron said, showing a more irate side than most thought him capable of. But what they were talking was much more serious than Ginny thought it was.

"I know what you're talking about, but I'll do it at my own pace! And leave Michael out of this! It's my choice to date whoever I want to!" Ginny yelled as Sirius and Remus quirked brows and leaned forward to hear, but were slapped and escorted up the stairs to the other rooms by McGonagall. Albus went with them as the Tonks family and Neville did too. That left only the Weasleys and Hermione in the reading room.

"Michael? Who is that?" Molly asked her children as they all turned eyes to Ginny.

"He's my boyfriend." Ginny said meekly as Molly and Arthur exchanged looks.

"For how long?" Arthur asked calmly as Ginny refused to look up at her mother, only sneaking glances at Hermione and Bill, the latter looking at her disapprovingly.

"About two or three months now…" Ginny muttered, though her family heard her clearly thanks to the silence in the room.

"Then I suggest that you break it off. He's obviously no good for you. Not one mention of this boy before today, and you think you'll continue to see him? You know that a proper boy would have _at least_ told one of your brothers to speak to us on his behalf, but this one wants to have secrets in the dark-"

"Halls, secrets in the halls, Mum." Charlie said with a frown and his arms crossed.

"Yes, thank you, Charlie. And he doesn't meet us? I'm sure we would have made him feeling very welcome. What's he hiding, huh? Well, no more hiding. You aren't to see him any longer. And I'm saying this while not taking into account _that_ incident. Harry already has a lot on his mind without us telling him _that_ just yet." Molly said with a shake of her head and wag of her finger. She turned from her daughter as Charlie looked at her.

"Even I brought Dora to the house to meet Mum and Dad. You know they don't like it when we keep things like _that_ from them."

"Wait, so that Tonks girl was _that_ Dora? Wow…" Fred and George said before breaking into a unison dreamy sigh.

"… I'm not looking right now, but if I were to meet a girl, and think about getting serious, I would tell Mom and Dad. All of you would know. I'm very disappointed in you right now, Ginny." Bill said with a wistful sigh as he turned and walked away, Ron at his heels as Percy didn't even bother speaking to his sister, only sneering at her before he left.

"Next time, you may want to try thinking." Fred said as George nodded, both walking toward the Weasley room where all the rest of their family had gone.

Ginny only sighed as she collapsed back into the loveseat where Harry had been. She let out a sob, and then another a few seconds later until they started coming out in a rush with tears. Hermione hugged her close, and whispered soothing words into her ear as she glanced off toward the kitchen door, where she heard yelling, glass breaking, and then laughter.

What could Harry and Luna be doing in there?


	3. The Vanishing Glass and the Boy of Mass

**Warning: This chapter contains Boyish Attitude, lots of Flippant Nonsense, and Crack (as in the usual comedy from me). Please review, and tell me what you think or anything you'd like to see in the next chapter.**

**Chapter 3: The Vanishing Glass and the Boy of Mass**

* * *

><p>Harry and Luna came out of the kitchen with bright smiles on their faces while the others were coming back into what they had all silently (and unconsciously) dubbed "the Reading Room".<p>

Snape and Pomfrey came out of the Malfoy room, one sneering with utter loathing and the other simply looking tired yet giddy for some reason. Lucius was soon out of the room himself, the scowl on his face maybe even fiercer than Snape's as he stomped out of the room. Harry was sure that if Lucius was a less dignified man he would yell and pull at his elegant blond hair. Narcissa soon came from the room herself, looking slightly shaken and a bit paler, except for her colored cheeks which were a good pink as she giggled a bit before casting a look in Harry's direction. She seemed to be conflicted between giddy for some reason and disturbed for another, but whatever her feelings she was walking up to Harry none the less while Luna went to go see about her father.

"Draco wishes to see you now, Harry Potter." Narcissa said, not even attempting to hide whatever emotion it was in her eyes while she spoke. Harry was glad he could read a person by their eyes, or else he would have felt like an unruly child sent to the Headmaster's with the tone Narcissa used.

Harry nodded dumbly as the Malfoy matron turned from him on heel and walked over to her husband, who was viciously glaring at anything that moved with his arms crossed over his chest. As Harry moved past them to the Malfoy room, he heard Lucius muttering something about why Potter and how the devil did he and Draco… something. Harry wasn't really paying that much attention to the Malfoy lord as he was thinking of what Draco could possibly want with him now of all times.

When Harry opened the door to the room, he saw that it wasn't just one room, nut more like those tents he and Weasleys had stayed in last year. It seemed that maybe each room had it's own house inside, but Harry didn't see a kitchen door. He looked about and saw a door labeled with Draco's name. He smiled as he saw the moved dragon wrapping around and binding Draco's name on the as he turned the knob without knocking.

"D-Draco…?" Harry called out uncertainly as he heard sniffling and sobs. He opened the door more than the crack he had called into and took a step in, "Draco?"

The sobs seemed to hitch as a figure moved in the darkness of the room, "H-Harry?"

"Yeah, it's me. You okay-" Harry didn't even get to finish as he felt a hand reach out and snatch him into the room before a body was pressed against his own while he was mashed against the closed door in the darkness. The body seemed to be shaking slightly as Harry wrapped his arms around it's waist. The body, which by the feel of it's hips was Draco's (if Harry knew anything about the blond), was sobbing into his robes while Draco's head lay on his chest. Harry only faintly noted that soft mounds were pressed against him, and that Draco must have been either stooping downward or gotten a fee inches shorter. He decided that it was best to question all that later as he gazed down at Draco.

"Draco? What's wrong? And why is it so dark in here?" Harry said as Draco only seemed to sob harder.

"I-I don't want you to see me like this… You'll h-hate me… This wasn't supposed to happen… They said I was safe…" Draco said, more to himself than Harry, Harry thought.

"See you like _what_? Hate you? And _what_ wasn't supposed to happen, and safe from _what_? I need some light here, Draco; metaphorically _and_ literally." Harry said as he held Draco out at arms' length and reached for his wand. Draco seemed to know what he was going to do because he quickly captured Harry lips in a heated kiss.

Harry felt like the world around him was just as dark as the room they were standing in and that they were Adam and Eve. Draco was always reserved when they displayed physical affection, but now it seemed that Draco was just letting go of everything. However, Harry was not to be distracted. He broke the kiss with Draco and in a flash had his wand out of his robes. A quick lighting charm lit up the dark room like flash-bomb used by Muggles.

Harry gaped when his eyes adjusted to the light and they landed on Draco. Soft, silky blond hair that reached the shoulders. Pink lips that seemed so soft and kissable to Harry's eyes. The figure Harry found his hands roaming every time he and Draco shared secrets in the dark. The part that truly made Harry's jaw drop was the budding breasts clearly showing through the tightness of Draco's robes.

"What the… Huh?" was all Harry could say as his mind raced. He shook his head lightly when he saw Draco biting his lower lip nervously while gazing up at Harry with nervousness and uncertainty shining in his eyes, "Okay, what happened? Last time I checked you didn't have… umm, well… _those_." Harry said as he gestured to Draco's chest.

"I knew you would hate me! This isn't how it was supposed to be! They said I won't change now!" Draco sobbed as Harry quickly brought his arms around Draco and moved toward the bed. His mind was completely boggled by the revelation of Draco's new… _assets_, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to comfort him.

"No, no, I _don't_ hate you! It's just that… well, it's a surprise is all. They're very lovely, you know. Your breasts, I mean… Wait… that didn't come out right…" Harry said, trying and failing to comfort his Draco. Draco seemed to catch onto what he was at least attempting to convey as… well, Harry wasn't sure what Draco was anymore, but Draco did stop crying.

"So now that I'm like… _this_, you probably wouldn't want to-" Draco said not looking him in the eyes as Harry took Draco's hand in his own.

"Draco, I'll be honest with you. I have _no_ clue where the breasts came from, or what they mean, but you'll always be my Draco Malfoy. My sarcastic, sadistic, pompous, reserved, cold, silver-tongued, arrogant, egotistic, vain, narcissistic… Wait, where I was going with all that again?" Harry said, truly confused about what point the was trying to make. However, at the look Draco was giving him, he suddenly remembered as he pulled the backs of Draco's softer than normal hands (and that was saying something!) to his lips and kissed them gently, "The point is that no matter what… _outwardly_ changes may come, I'll always still love you for what truly makes you… well, _you_."

"That's the first time you've ever said you loved me…" Draco said gaping as Harry quirked a brow.

"So…?" Harry said, feeling a little insulted and guilty that Draco was being so dramatic about it.

He wasn't _that_ bad! … Was he…?

"I've said it ever since the first day we were together, and this is the first time you've ever said it without my having to say it first." Draco said as his eyes widened like he had finally come to some startling realization, "It's been happening ever since Day One…"

"What do you mean? And will you _please_ explain the breasts to me? I don't mind them, in fact I think they look great on you, but-"

"Huh? Oh, right. Umm… The true is…. I'm of Veela descent and… Well…" Draco said as Harry seemed to understand somewhat as he nodded.

"Like Fleur from this year during t-that… tournament?" Harry asked, trying hard to not think about it all… Cedric's death, Voldemort's return, Barty Crouch having been so close to him all that time…

"Harry you have to stop whatever you're thinking. It's making me feel… uncomfortably sad…" Draco said with a slight shudder as Harry blinked.

"Sorry…" Harry muttered as Draco place a hand over his, "So… umm… like Fleur?"

"Like Fleur, and yet… unlike her as well." Draco said with somewhat of a melancholy tone to his voice, as if longing for a freedom or right that was never given. Harry was slightly reminded of a caged bird as he watched Draco glance off to the side.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked as he gripped Draco's hand.

"I mean that unlike her, I was never meant to be free or have a choose. Unlike her… I have a mate. That's what the Malfoy family name means when it says Bad Faith, Harry…" Draco said as Harry's stomach dropped.

"Oh… Who's this mate of yours?" Harry said, wanting to kill whoever would dare be destined to take his Draco from him. Draco looked him square in the eyes and Harry wanted to get lose in those mercury grey eyes forever. But, the next thing that came out of Draco's mouth nearly floored him.

"It's _you_, Harry. It's _always_ been you; every since _Day One_…" Draco said with his (or was it hers now, Harry thought) gaze fixed on Harry's own. Harry mulled over what Draco said, noting that Draco had said "day one" with emphasize, almost like he was talking further back in time than their Second Year, "Anyways, I've turned into… this female form apparently due to my heritage. It wasn't supposed to happen until you came of age, but apparently some of my more… possessive tendencies have jump-started the transformation early on."

"So… just the breasts?" Harry said, trying to make the uncomfortable silence between them end as Draco gave a weak chuckle and leaned into him.

"Yeah… just the breasts… for now, at least…" Draco said with a sigh as Harry raked a hand through his hair.

"Well, let the changes come; I'll still love you." Harry said as he kissed the top of Draco's head before he realized something, "Umm, Draco, not to be rude or anything, but… what are you now exactly?"

Draco shot up off of him with a scandalized look as he (or she, that's why he had asked) put hands on his (or hers, Harry thought as it was starting to get annoying) hips in a girly pose of annoyance.

"I happen to still have my _wand_, thank you very much. I'm still a _boy_, dammit. Just a boy with breasts now." Draco said as Harry grinned at him before Draco's face tinted pink. Harry got up off the bed slowly and closed the distance between the two of them, hugging Draco close to him as he fondled the blonde's new… equipment. To be honest, Draco had always been somewhat like a girl to him, and this whole Quarter-Veela thing only helped prove his mental point.

"And what _lovely_ breasts they are. You may want to hide them though. Don't need people asking to coop a feel just to be sure they're real." Harry said as Draco moaned and melted like clay in his hands.

A knock came to Draco's door as the two quickly separated while Snape made his way in.

"We are all about to start the next chapter of the book. Your presence is required." Snape said with as much emotion as a wet paper bag before turning and stalking out of the room.

* * *

><p>Harry left Draco to his devices as he went back into the reading room. Everyone seemed to be in their own place, except that Ginny was in one of the armchairs by Dumbledore while Luna was on the loveseat Harry had taken as his own. Harry walked over quickly and made himself comfortable while Luna did the same by leaning into him peacefully. When Draco came back into the room, he stopped dead at seeing Luna cuddling up to Harry. He growled lowly at them as Harry saw him, but it was the slight glowing of Draco's eyes that made him feel concerned for Luna. Luna apparently realized this too as she reached over and patted the other spot next to Harry while Draco was regaining control of himself.<p>

Draco didn't take the spot, but from the look he gave Luna and the nod she gave him back, Harry was sure they had passed an entire conversation through body language alone. Draco nodded back to the dreamy-eyed blonde before he made his way back over to his friends and family, all of whom looked about the room with narrowed eyes, their posture and such just daring anyone to question what happened now or even ten minutes ago.

Harry cleared his throat lightly as to break the tension and silence that hung over everyone for a moment. He raised his wand to start the book again, but Hermione stopped him.

"Harry, do you mind if I try. I've been practicing the spell for quite ever since First year, and I want to see if I can cast it non-verbally." Hermione said as everyone looked at her in some mild form of interest. Even though he knew he could do non-verbal magic and even wandless spells after this last year, he had never expected Hermione to be able to as well.

Then he remembered who it was he was thinking about and slapped himself mentally for doubting "the brightest witch of their year". Harry gave her a sheepish smile as he tried hard not to seem like he had been initially shocked by her words and nodded.

Hermione raised her wand, and in one decisive motion from her wand, had cast the spell non-verbally with some difficulty. Harry, and he was sure others had too, had noted the extreme degree of concentration she put into the charm before she had even moved her wand into casting it.

The book rose into the air from the table, and then gently rested itself an inch above the table as Dumbledore recast his imagery-charms on the book.

"**Chapter Two:** **The Vanishing Glass."** The book read in it's crystal clear feminine voice, catching everyone's attention.

"Well now, doesn't that sound interesting." Fred said off-handedly to George.

"Accidental magic, Harry?" Sirius asked as he saw Harry grimace at the chapter title.

Harry, however, didn't care about the magic. He was too busy fearing how they would all react once they found out about his life with the Dursley's…

**Nearly ten years had passed since the Dursleys had woken up to find their nephew on the front step, but Privet Drive had hardly changed at all. The sun rose on the same tidy front gardens and lit up the brass number four on the Dursleys' front door; it crept into their living room, which was almost exactly the same as it had been on the night when Mr. Dursley had seen that fateful news report about the owls. **

**Only the photographs on the mantelpiece really showed how much time had passed. Ten years ago, there had been lots of pictures of what looked like a large pink beach ball wearing different-colored bonnets — **

"Wait, what? What beach ball?" Ron asked as everyone else, even Percy Weasley and Severus Snape, were in fits of amusement at the description.

**but Dudley Dursley was no longer a baby, and now the photographs showed a large blond boy riding his first bicycle, on a carousel at the fair, playing a computer game with his father,- **

Every wizard looked at Hermione and Harry for an explanation after their outrageous laughter at Dudley's image subsided. Harry rolled his eyes as Hermione answered them.

"They're muggle things." Hermione said with a sigh. Seeing that it would be happening a lot.

Everyone but Arthur Weasley seemed pleased by the statement. Mr. Weasley took out a pocket-sized notebook (a rather useful muggle thing he picked up from Hermione own father) and wrote things in it, making a mental note (and a note at the top of the page) to ask Hermione and Harry about the things later.

**-being hugged and kissed by his mother. The room held no sign at all that another boy lived in the house, too.**

"Wait, they don't have any pictures of you?" Molly asked as the other females and Lupin leaned forward. It was only normal for families to have pictures of its other members, but Harry shrugged uncaringly as he gazed at the gathered people.

"I don't care, really. Plus, I'm kinda glad they don't."

**Yet Harry Potter was still there, asleep at the moment, but not for long. His Aunt Petunia was awake and it was her shrill voice that made the first noise of the day. **

"**Up! Get up! Now!"**

"What a lovely way to wake up…" Fred grimaced as he crossed his arms. George patted his shoulder lightly in comfort.

"Yeah. Not even Mum is like that in the mornings when she's really grumpy. And those used come at least one week out of every month." George said, before he and Fred broke out into grins and contained their laughter as their mother went Weasley red from head to toe. The Weasley males all moved away from her and Ginny while Theo and Blaise were nodding in agreement.

"Yeah, Pansy is the same way, but she started it about the time we started Hogwarts." Theo said as Pansy went pink before slapped him in the back of his head while Ron shrugged.

"Hermione's always that way- OW!"

"Shut up, Ron!"

"Well, Mother here is never like that… but Father is." Draco said as everyone stared at him for a moment before looking to Lucius' furious and embarrassed face, and Narcissa's nonchalant shrug. Snape looked at Lucius with a smirk as Lucius did the improper thing and gave the Potions Master the finger.

**Harry woke with a start. His aunt rapped on the door again. **

"**Up!" she screeched. Harry heard her walking toward the kitchen and then the sound of the frying pan being put on the stove. He rolled onto his back and tried to remember the dream he had been having. It had been a good one. There had been a flying motorcycle in it. He had a funny feeling he'd had the same dream before.**

"You remembered that?" Ron said, blinking in shock at Harry like everyone else was.

"Apparently. It was probably just a repressed memory I kept with me to remind myself that no matter what; magic was real." Harry said with a shrug.

**His aunt was back outside the door. **

"**Are you up yet?" she demanded. **

"**Nearly," said Harry. **

"Just as much of a smart-aleck as now, aye Potter? You get that from your… mother." Snape said as Harry grinned at him.

"Thanks, Sev!"

"Don't call me that, you arrogant brat!"

"**Well, get a move on, I want you to look after the bacon. And don't you dare let it burn, I want everything perfect on Duddy's birthday." **

Everyone looked at Harry as if his family had been circus-freaks.

"They force you to cook at the age of eleven?" Hermione asked blankly, her eye twitching like that one time the Hogwarts library had been closed.

"Ten, and I had been doing it since I was five or six. I'm actually kinda glad they did because now I have the power of food over them." Harry said as he leaned back into his loveseat, Luna snuggling in close.

"You poor wombat." Luna said as she caressed his arm.

"Umm… thanks…"

"Get away from my bondmate, you bitch!" Draco muttered to himself furiously. Theo politely scooted away from him and swapped places with Blaise, who looked terrified.

**Harry groaned. **

"**What did you say?" his aunt snapped through the door. **

"He didn't say anything, you horse-faced harpy!" Ron and Hermione exclaimed in almost unison before looking at each other and then the others noticing they were very quiet.

"Freaky, I know." Harry said as he absentmindedly ran his fingers through Luna's hair. Draco gave a small whimper before he growled to himself again.

Damn blonde hussy! Wait... he was blond... Dammit!

"**Nothing, nothing…" **

**Dudley's birthday — how could he have forgotten? Harry got slowly out of bed and started looking for socks. He found a pair under his bed and, after pulling a spider-**

Ron shuddered at the mention of the spider while Hermione and Harry rolled their eyes. Even Neville rolled his eyes from beside Nymphadora, who giggled a bit since she saw all of it.

Remus, and the others didn't see, since they were all wondering why there were spiders under Harry's bed. That could have been very dangerous.

**-off one of them, put them on. Harry was used to spiders, because the cupboard under the stairs was full of them, and that was where he slept. **

"_WHAT_!" everyone, even Lucius and Snape, roared in utter disbelief. The adults and teens all turned to Dumbledore with glares as Draco turned to Harry with wide-eyes and stricken expression.

"Why didn't you tell me this of all things! How could you keep this from me! I'm your _boyfriend_ for Merlin's sake!" Draco shouted, horrified at how Harry was treated by those muggles while everyone else was shocked that the Malfoy heir had come right out and said it.

"I don't sleep there anymore, so it doesn't matter. Alright? Listen-" Harry didn't get to finish whatever he was about to say as Snape had him by his robes and was shaking him like a rag doll.

"What the hell do you mean it doesn't matter! You spent the first ten years of your life in a blasted God-forsaken cupboard of all places!" Snape roared with anger burning in his eyes, "You're Harry Potter! The Boy Who Lived! Potter's arrogant little spawn! You were supposed to be treated like a king or God by those muggles! It was the only way I could bring myself to despise you before we had even met! It was all I could do to keep me sane as I spied back and forth for the love of your mother!" Snape said before he dropped Harry back on the loveseat and turned his furious vision to Dumbledore.

"And you! You knew about this!" Snape said, gesturing toward the book as Dumbledore stood, looking even more furious than Snape.

"I most certainly did _not!_ Had I known, he would have lived at Hogwarts or at least by his parents' _graves_ like he suggested earlier. Anything would have been better than what I'm hearing from this novel! I had thought Petunia would be able to put aside her jealousy for Lily's magical ability when she took in Harry and I didn't bother to check in on him. I didn't think the woman; that _anyone_ could be so… be so… so _childish_ and _petty!"_ Dumbledore said, his lat words a roar of his anger that silenced everything.

"So you didn't even bother to check in on him?" Molly asked incredulously as Dumbledore thought for a second.

"I did have Arabella Figg check in on him a few times since she actually lived near Harry's street, but I never told her to report anything in the house. I merely had her watch him for outside forces." Dumbledore said as everyone looked at Harry.

"Why didn't you tell anyone, wombat?" Luna asked innocently as Harry looked miffed at something.

"I didn't want anyone's pity. I don't want, and I don't _need_ it. My life might not have been perfect-"

"_Very_ far from it, and that's just with the fact that you sleep in a damn _cupboard_!" Draco and Harry's fellow schoolmates yelled in unison.

"Right, but it wasn't the worst though. I mean, they never really beat me. They'd swing at me, and grab me roughly a few times, but they never beat me or anything. Also, they could have-"

"Don't even _think_ about going that far. Because I'm still not sure they wouldn't or haven't tried it yet." Snape said darkly as he glared at the book.

"Anyways! Yeah my life sucks, but you people whining _for_ me isn't gonna help it." Harry said as Hermione and Draco rolled their eyes.

"Of course, because you don't whine for _yourself_ enough…" Draco and Hermione muttered under their breath as they crossed their arms.

"Yeah mate, you only care about others. Why not spend the rest of today being selfish?" Ron said as Harry gave him a look.

"I'm already incredibly selfish Ron, none of you see it though. I hold all of you… well most of you since I don't really know all of you here, but anyways; I hold all of you _very_ close to me. I won't stand for anyone hurting any of you, and I'd fight to my last breath to keep you guys safe." Harry said as Andromeda and Narcissa cooed over him.

"Isn't he so selfless?" Ginny said as the others nodded while Harry blinked in confusion.

"No, not selfless: _selfish._ Incredibly so." Harry said as he didn't understand what they were talking about. He was very selfish, they just didn't see it the way he did.

"Harry, my dear boy, I believe that _you_ have _your_ word for it, and _we_ have _ours."_ Dumbledore said, the stormy look of rage gone and the damn twinkling in his eyes back.

"How do you _do_ that?" Harry asked as he finally snapped.

"I'll tell you some other time."

* * *

><p><strong>When he was dressed he went down the hall into the kitchen. The table was almost hidden beneath all Dudley's birthday presents. It looked as though Dudley had gotten the new computer he wanted, not to mention the second television and the racing bike.<strong>

Molly huffed, they were spoiling that child rotten.

Minerva McGonagall, however, was still furious.

"I told you, Albus. I told you not to leave him there, but what did you do? You left him there! Oh ho, you're in deep dragon dung this time. Just wait until I tell the Harry Potter Fan Club about this one, buster." Minerva said as everyone besides Harry paled suddenly while Harry blinked in confusion.

"Fan Club?"

"Another time, Mr. Potter… another time…" McGonagall said as she gave Dumbledore a Chesire-cat grin.

"Now, Minerva, I se no reason to alert the HPFC about this little… mishap. Harry will most definitely be coming to live in the castle now that I know of this-"

"Oh that's alright, I'll tell them that too, dearie." McGonagall said far too sweetly as she smiled at the ancient wizard.

**Exactly why Dudley wanted a racing bike was a mystery to Harry, as Dudley was very fat and hated exercise — unless of course it involved punching somebody.**

"That over-sized whale had better not having been punching you." Ron said darkly with a sneer of anger on his face.

"Thanks, Ron. I'm always grateful to have a knight in shining armor. Having to be the man around Draco takes a lot of work, and I deserve a day of being the damsel." Harry said in a chipper tone as Ron's ears turned pink right before his whole face did.

"You stay far away from him _that_ way, Weasley. He's _my_ man, and I don't need you making him a girl. _I'm_ the girl!" Draco said as he glared at Ron.

"I know, _Darla_. Don't worry, I'll be more than happy to remind you that you're my witch." Harry said with a wink as Draco blushed pink but stood up proudly.

"My man of a man, people!"

"My male of a woman, people!"

"Sit down, Draco!"

"...Yes father..."

**Dudley's favorite punching bag was Harry, but he couldn't often catch him. Harry didn't look it, but he was very fast**.

"Good. Keep on running, Harry. He may be a nasty… boy, but there is still no reason to fight him." Molly said with her arms crossed and a nod of her head.

Hermione and Ron nodded, they had both seen Harry run before, and they had to agree, it was hard to keep up with him, and that was only if he slowed down enough for them to.

Neville was in a daze while he thought about Harry. The Boy-Who-Lived, he who defeated Voldemort as a baby was _abused_; by his own family? That would be quite the story to their Wizarding England on it's head. How had this happened without anyone knowing?

Luna smiled at nothing really, but on the inside her devious mind was already working on revenge plans for her Harry-wombat. Harry had accepted her for her when they had been talking in the kitchen, and he most certainly did not deserve that to sleep kind of treatment.

Yes, the muggles would get their share of justice and pay for their crimes.

Ron was worried, as Malfoy shot Harry a look saying that he didn't know any of this and that he was gonna rip Harry a new one. He could tell the ferret wanted to yell at Harry over it all, but since his parents were sitting right beside him, Malfoy must have thought better of it. like that. Ron had known that Harry's family life wasn't ideal (since he remembered the bars on the window of the bedroom which Harry must have moved into sometime between the chapter they were on and second year), but he had he had never known it was really just that bad for Harry. Though Ron wouldn't ever pity Harry or feel sorry for him. Harry hated those two things more than he did Snape, Voldemort, and the Dursley's all put together.

Ron edged away from Hermione, who looked ready to kill something, or maybe someone by the way she was glaring at the book's image. How dare those three… ugh, she couldn't even think of a word from her very impressive vocabulary to describe just how foul they were! How _dare_ they treat her brother like that? Harry was _her_ baby brother now, and those muggles had messed with him. They would pay!

Lucius was stunned at what was revealed. Potter had been abused by his own cousin? Lucius looked to his wife for her reaction, and flinched back a bit at the fury on her expression. She was clearly too angry to do anything than sit motionless with her arms and legs crossed elegantly. Lucius shook his head in amusement.

Dumbledore and those muggles had best watch their backs, because an angry Narcissa Malfoy (nee Black) was _not_ a good one to meet in a dark alley where your body would be found later.

**He looked even smaller and skinnier than he really was because all he had to wear were old clothes of Dudley's, and Dudley was about four times bigger than he was. **

Fred and George eyed Harry, trying to remember what he original had on before that kid from the future had changed his clothes. Those clothes had looked far too big for him.

Draco and his fellow Slytherins looked at each other and then at Harry. A shopping trip was definitely in order. Draco shook his head. No wonder Harry's clothes were always so big on him, covering those delicious muscles he had gotten from all his harder than a House-elf work. Draco now didn't know whether to thank those filthy muggles, or hex them like he planned.

Hexing first, then thanking… heh, heh…

**Harry had a thin face, knobby knees, black hair,-**

"Exactly like James…" Remus said fondly as Sirius nodded.

"Yeah, he was our favorite skinny git. Just like you Harry!" Sirius said as Harry grinned lightly.

"Speak for yourselves. I'm furious at your previous state of life, but I have no pity for you, Potter. However, that doesn't change anything between us; you're still an arrogant little brat at your core." Snape sneered out, though with no venom like he had in the past.

"And you're still a-"

"Mr. Potter!"

"I'll remain quiet for the time being…"

**-and bright green eyes.**

"But you have Lily's eyes." Remus said with a sad, yet fond sigh.

"Yeah… the woman could make a man fall in love with her from just one look into them… If your she hadn't loved your father…" Sirius said dreamily as Harry raised a brow at them, then at Snape as he was biting his lower lip.

"You too, Sev? Did all of you love my mom?" Harry asked as Sirius and Remus exchanged looks with Snape before they all nodded.

"Just knowing her was enough for me, but she had a way of making you fall for her. I was happy to see her happy, and that happiness came from James." Remus said with a small smile as Sirius nodded.

"Same here." Sirius said as everyone turned to Snape. Snape sighed as he realized that in the room he could let go of some of his inhibitions and normal animosities.

"I will admit that in school, I hated Potter for taking her from me, but later in life I reflected on how I practically drove her into his arms with our fight. Though I went to apology every time I saw her, I started to realize that she'd never love me the way she loved Potter. I was always gonna be the best friend who pinned to love her. Though it was only after her death that I realized I would have been far happier if she was alive with Potter than dead." Snape said as everyone was silence for a few minutes.

"You truly loved her, didn't you? You still love her, even now?" Lucius asked silkily as Snap only nodded.

"Yes… Yes, I did and do." Snape said honestly before he turned to Lucius with a glare, "And if you _dare_ go back and blab about it, then you'll wake up piss-poor and your hair will be _permanently_ lime green for the rest of your life with no hope to change it no matter what you do!"

Lucius paled comically and clutched at his precious blonde hair, "You _wouldn't_?"

"Try me."

"… I'll be good…"

Harry smiled. Boy did he love infecting people with his boyish attitude and hilarious high-jinxes of flippant nonsense.

**He wore round glasses held together with a lot of Scotch tape because of all the times Dudley had punched him on the nose. The only thing Harry liked about his own appearance was a very thin scar on his forehead that was shaped like a bolt of lightning. **

"You liked it back then?" Ron and Hermione asked as they both knew how much Harry hated the scar that reminded him of his fame and the lost of his parents.

"It made me different, and I didn't know what it meant back then. Now I think of it as a part of me to be a bit proud of, but I also can care less about it now. Especially with all the attention it gets me." Harry said, shrugging slightly as Luna hugged him.

"There, there, wombat."

"… Why do you keep calling me that?"

**He had had it as long as he could remember, and the first question he could ever remember asking his Aunt Petunia was how he had gotten it. **

"**In the car crash when your parents died," she had said.**

"Car Crash?" everyone roared as they looked at the book in rage, shock, and appall.

"How could they!" Molly yelled, deeply enraged.

"You deserved the truth!" Andromeda said as Nymphadora nodded beside her mother while her father, Ted Tonks, scowled with his arms folded stiffly.

"These muggles continue to dig a deeper grave." Narcissa sneered as Lucius and Draco subtly moved away from the enraged and seething Lady Malfoy.

"**And don't ask questions." **

"But then how would you ever learn anything?" Remus, Hermione, Theo, and Ted said in unison before looking at each other and grinning.

"Book buddies!"

**Don't ask questions — that was the first rule for a quiet life with the Dursleys.**

Hermione and some others were huffing at the line.

"So they're the reason you don't ask questions or for any help in _anything_, Mr. Potter. Well then, lad, there'll be no more of that." McGonagall said as she knew that Harry was a very bright boy for his age, but he had always refrained from asking questions in her class and she was sure it was the same in all his others as well.

**Uncle Vernon entered the kitchen as Harry was turning over the bacon. **

"**Comb your hair!" he barked, by way of a morning greeting.**

"That's not gonna to work." Remus said with a grin as Sirius chuckled beside him while, Hermione and Ron were nodding. Draco and everyone else seemed to catch the joke as Xenophilius raised a blond brow at the boy's hair. It was simply infested with Galliewoles… poor boy…

"Never has worked, and that's the way he's always greeted me… At least once a week…" Harry muttered as he tried to smooth his hair out.

George nudged Fred with a grin, "Isn't that a great way to be greeted!"

"Simply wonderful! I wish I was greeted like that just so I can let loose some pent up aggression my doctor's been telling me to get rid of." Fred said with a nod before others started laughing.

**About once a week, Uncle Vernon looked over the top of his newspaper and shouted that Harry needed a haircut. Harry must have had more haircuts than the rest of the boys in his class put together, but it made no difference, his hair simply grew that way — all over the place. **

"James' hair was the same way. He needed potions to help, but they never worked all that much." Remus said, remembering the times that James had complained about his hair and the fact that potions only worked for an hour.

**Harry was frying eggs by the time Dudley arrived in the kitchen with his mother. Dudley looked a lot like Uncle Vernon. He had a large pink face, not much neck, small, watery blue eyes, and thick blond hair that lay smoothly on his thick, fat head. **

"He looks sorta like a pig in a wig." Fred and George said in their usual unison as Harry blinked. It was silent for a second before nearly everyone laughed outright. Snape, Lucius, and Narcissa only smirked a bit.

**Aunt Petunia often said that Dudley looked like a baby angel — Harry often said that Dudley looked like a pig in a wig. **

Fred and George blinked before laughing.

"Who knew Harry was funny!" Fred and George said lightly before turning to each other with evil looks.

"He must join us." George said evilly as he did the finger pyrimad of evil.

"Yes, yes… He must join the Dark-side. Only then will he have lots of fun!" Fred said as they both nodded and turned to Harry.

"Join the Dark-side, Harry. We could use you." Sirius said with a grin as Harry stood up dramatically, pointing a finger to the ceiling,

"I'll _never_ join the Dark-side! You may have converted my father, but you'll _never_ turn _me_! I am a Jedi… Like my father before me!" Harry said as everyone blinked in confusion.

"Harry, please don't bring _Star Wars_ into this just yet. I don't think they'd be able to take it." Hermione said as Blaise and Theo nodded. Pansy and Draco looked at their two friends in confusion.

What the hell was _Star Wars_?

**Harry put the plates of egg and bacon on the table, which was difficult as there wasn't much room. Dudley, meanwhile, was counting his presents. His face fell. **

"**Thirty-six," he said, looking up at his mother and father. "That's two less than last year." **

"Not even _I_ get that much! And I'm the rich, spoiled one! Greedy wank!" Draco said, making everyone turn to look at him.

"Yes, but I'm glad they don't feed you like a piggy. It would ruin your curvy figure." Harry said as many of the people in the room (mainly Bill and Charlie) turned to him just to give him an odd look.

"Is that all I am? A curvy figure? I didn't even know I had a curvy figure." Draco said as Narcissa was whispering words of peace to Lucius while the Malfoy Lord's eye twitched.

"Well, you have a very nice bottom too. You're also very good at snogging and moaning my name."

"Thank you! I was hoping you'd notice!"

"Don't do it, Lucius." Narcissa said when she saw his hand stray toward his cane.

"But… But! They… He… Draco… Snogging… _Fine!_ No exploding Potter's head! … For _now,_ at least…"

"That's all I ask, Lucius."

"**Darling, you haven't counted Auntie Marge's present, see, it's here under this big one from Mummy and Daddy." **

"**All right, thirty-seven then," said Dudley, going red in the face. Harry, who could see a huge Dudley tantrum coming on, began wolfing down his bacon as fast as possible in case Dudley turned the table over. **

"Good idea, mate. Food is serious business." Ron said, his stern expression making others seriously question his priorities.

**Aunt Petunia obviously scented danger, too, because she said quickly, "And we'll buy you another two presents while we're out today. How's that, popkin? Two more presents. Is that all right?" **

Andromeda, Molly, and even Narcissa shook their heads at the scene. All the women knew that Petunia's actions were only going to make the boy worse in the future.

**Dudley thought for a moment. It looked like hard work. Finally he said slowly, "So I'll have thirty… thirty…" **

Hermione paused as did many of the others. Even Neville looked at the book in disbelief before looking over at Harry, who shrugged back at their looks.

"That... That tub of _lard_ can't even count! He's _eleven_ years-old! How could he not add and count!" Hermione asked in utter shock. Her mind shut down at the prospect of someone of the same age as her not having the basic mental functions taught by the schooling system.

"Even if my Gran thought I was a Squib, that didn't stop her from sending me to a Primary school and making _sure_ I knew my lessons." Neville said as the other wizards and witches nodded.

**"Thirty-nine, sweetums," said Aunt Petunia.**

"Did she _really_ have to _tell_ him?" Pansy sneered.

"**Oh." Dudley sat down heavily and grabbed the nearest parcel. "All right then." **

**Uncle Vernon chuckled. **

"**Little tyke wants his money's worth, just like his father. 'Atta boy, Dudley!" He ruffled Dudley's hair. **

"Little?" Fred and George said along with Pansy, Blaise, and Theo; all of their eyebrows shooting up like muggle rockets.

"That does _not_ look little to me." Blaise said, pointing dramatically toward the image of Dudley, who looked like a mini-whale.

**At that moment the telephone rang and Aunt Petunia went to answer it while Harry and Uncle Vernon watched Dudley unwrap the racing bike, a video camera, a remote control airplane, sixteen new computer games, and a VCR. **

All of the purebloods looked at Hermione and Harry for an answer.

"Muggle things. We'll explain later." Hermione said as she waved them off while Arthur was busy writing down all the things. He frowned at a word and tapped Bill on the shoulder. His oldest son looked at him, and raised a brow when he was shown the list of words to ask about.

"Is computer spell with one 'u' or two?" Arthur asked as Bill sighed, telling his father it only had one and that there was no 'q' in VCR.

**He was ripping the paper off a gold wristwatch when Aunt Petunia came back from the telephone looking both angry and worried. **

"**Bad news, Vernon," she said. "Mrs. Figg's broken her leg. She can't take him." She jerked her head in Harry's direction. **

"Do they ever say your name?" Ted asked as Harry blinked in surprise, glancing around to see that all the others were curious as well.

"Yeah… I think… Maybe once or twice every six months or when they want me to stop doing magic when they know I won't. Ya know, stuff like that." Harry said with a shrug, oblivious to the growls of anger coming from Draco, Remus, and Sirius.

**Dudley's mouth fell open in horror, but Harry's heart gave a leap. Every year on Dudley's birthday, his parents took him and a friend out for the day, to adventure parks, hamburger restaurants, or the movies. Every year, Harry was left behind with Mrs. Figg, a mad old lady who lived two streets away. Harry hated it there. The whole house smelled of cabbage and Mrs. Figg made him look at photographs of all the cats she'd ever owned. **

Fred and George grimaced as what was described sounded like torture to them. Nymphadora grimaced too, especially since those beasts never liked her.

"You should be nicer about her, Harry. She watched over you for many years, well before she even knew who you were. She kept the Ministry from talking to those… _relatives_ of yours, so you should thank her next time you see her." Dumbledore said as he couldn't find it in himself to forgive the Dursleys for how they had been treating Harry.

Though he also couldn't forgive himself for not checking in on the poor boy…

"**Now what?" said Aunt Petunia, looking furiously at Harry as though he'd planned this. Harry knew he ought to feel sorry that Mrs. Figg had broken her leg, but it wasn't easy when he reminded himself it would be a whole year before he had to look at Tibbles, Snowy, Mr. Paws, and Tufty again.**

Molly looked at Harry and shook her head. The boy was so funny sometimes in his attitude. He could be the kindest, sweetest boy one moment, but the next he was so flippant. She just didn't see where it came from until she remembered his parents.

Oh right, them…

"**We could phone Marge," Uncle Vernon suggested. **

"**Don't be silly, Vernon, she hates the boy."**

"… You do realize that they act like you're not even there, right?" Bill asked just to be sure Harry knew it too as he was beginning to get angrier and angrier with each sentence that was spoken by about the monsters known as the Dursleys.

Harry cocked a brow as he shrugged, looking at Bill.

"Yeah, I know. They've never acted like I mattered much to them, but it makes me wonder why they didn't ship me off…" Harry said as he went into a thoughtful tone.

"Perhaps these books shall give us the answer." Snape suggested as he gestured to the floating book.

**The Dursleys often spoke about Harry like this, as though he wasn't there — or rather, as though he was something very nasty that couldn't understand them, like a slug. **

"**What about what's-her-name, your friend — Yvonne?" **

"**On vacation in Majorca," snapped Aunt Petunia. **

"**You could just leave me here," Harry put in hopefully (he'd be able to watch what he wanted on television for a change and maybe even have a go on Dudley's computer).**

"No, Harry!" Fred exclaimed with a mock-horrified look as George joined in.

"That'd be _far_ too much fun for you to have while in _their_ house! You should know better." George said with a shake of his as a few chuckles and snickers could be heard.

**Aunt Petunia looked as though she'd just swallowed a lemon. **

"**And come back and find the house in ruins?" she snarled. **

"I don't know, I think that Harry would be less likely to blow up a house." Blaise said as he rubbed his chin, giving Harry a measuring look.

"Yeah… unfortunately." Pansy sneered as she crossed her arms. She hated these muggles for how they treated Draco's man. No wonder her mother and father told her to stay away from muggles. Filthy horrible people!

"**I won't blow up the house," said Harry, but they weren't listening.**

"I knew it! Goody Two-Shoes!" Blaise said as he pointed dramatically at Harry.

"_Hey, hey, hey_!_ Jimmy Two-Shoes_!" Harry sang as Hermione face-palmed herself.

"No I said, _Goody_ Two-Shoes." Blaise said as Harry shrugged.

"**I suppose we could take him to the zoo," said Aunt Petunia slowly, "… and leave him in the car…" **

"Harry is not a dog!" Ginny yelled as she stood from her armchair near Dumbledore, making Ron, Neville, and some others jump in surprise, the latter ones having forgotten about the girl since she was being unusually quite.

"That was _my_ line." Draco whined as Blaise patted his back while Luna nodded.

"I agree, with both statements. He's not a dog, and it was my line to say. I think the Wrack-spurts have gotten them and you." Luna said in her usual dreamy voice while she cuddled closer to Harry. Draco and Ginny glared at her, hoping she would drop dead if they did.

"Yes, that must be it, Luna dear." Xenophilius said as he nodded at her assessment.

"Groovy…" Harry whispered quietly to himself as he looked from Luna to her father.

He couldn't help it! They were just so… far out, man…

"**That car's new, he's not sitting in it alone…" **

"Oh no that muggle _didn't_!" Pansy sneered as Theo nodded.

"Oh yes that muggle _did_!" Theo said as Lupin growled lowly, making Sirius give him a look.

"Remus…?" Sirius called, prepared to become his Animagus form in a heartbeat should Lupin start getting... furry on them.

"What? This man cares more about his precious car that he does a person; that person being our Harry!" Lupin snapped as Sirius nodded.

"I know, which is also why I'll be making a trip to their lovely home to… _redecorate_ their lovely car." Sirius said in an all too sweet voice. Lupin quirked a brow at his old time friend.

"You know where they live?" Lupin asked as Sirius nodded cutely.

"Yup!"

"And you didn't tell me?"

"… I thought you knew…"

"Dammit all to Limbo!"

**Dudley began to cry loudly. In fact, he wasn't really crying — it had been years since he'd really cried — but he knew that if he screwed up his face and wailed, his mother would give him anything he wanted. **

"**Dinky Duddydums, - **

Everyone snorted at the ridiculous nickname while some burst into laughter. Mainly the Weasley children, Blaise, Neville, and Nymphadora.

**- don't cry, Mummy won't let him spoil your special day!" she cried, flinging her arms around him. **

"**I… don't… want… him… t-t-to come!" Dudley yelled between huge, pretend sobs. "He always sp-spoils everything!" He shot Harry a nasty grin through the gap in his mother's arms. **

"Spoiled brat…" Ted muttered as others nodded in agreement.

"And I thought Draco was a spoiled diva." Theo whispered to Pansy, who nodded.

"I heard that!"

**Just then, the doorbell rang — "Oh, good Lord, they're here!" said Aunt Petunia frantically — and a moment later, Dudley's best friend, Piers Polkiss, walked in with his mother.**

**Piers was a scrawny boy with a face like a rat. He was usually the one who held people's arms behind their backs while Dudley hit them. Dudley stopped pretending to cry at once. **

"Of course he did. He must wanna look cool for his little bully friend." Lucius drawled as he gripped his cane tightly. He might not have liked the Potter brat, in fact he _still_ didn't, but even _he_ wanted to hex these muggles! They were just so… ugh! He wondered if he told the Dark Lord about all of this, then would his Lord allow them to "play" with the filth.

He knew Bella would simply love to do so!

* * *

><p><strong>Half an hour later, Harry, who couldn't believe his luck, was sitting in the back of the Dursleys' car with Piers and Dudley, on the way to the zoo for the first time in his life.<strong>

Remus and Sirius both looked to the floor.

"What's with you two?" Harry asked as he rested his head atop Luna's.

"Taking you to the zoo was one one the things James and Lily looked forward to doing with you when the war ended." Sirius said as everyone grew silent at that reveal.

Even Lucius couldn't bite out a remark, mostly because he himself knew how important family was to those that had it.

… But he still didn't like Harry Potter!

**His aunt and uncle hadn't been able to think of anything else to do with him, but before they'd left, Uncle Vernon had taken Harry aside.**

"**I'm warning you," he had said, putting his large purple face right up close to Harry's, "I'm warning you now, boy — any funny business, anything at all — and you'll be in that cupboard from now until Christmas." **

"If they even think about it, I'll-" Lupin said with a deep dark growl coming from his throat, cutting off his threat but making one of it's own.

However, Lupin wasn't the only one to growl at it. Draco, Ginny, and even Luna were like cats about to claw at mice while glaring at the floating book. All the mothers and females in looked very upset at the threat Vernon had made to Harry while the males looked ready to clock the fat man even though all of this had occurred years ago.

"Excellent, excellent…" Harry said evilly as he tapped his fingers together.

"No _Star Wars_, Harry…" Hermione said, not looking away from the image of Vernon's fat purple face in Harry's personal space.

"**I'm not going to do anything," said Harry, "honestly…" **

**But Uncle Vernon didn't believe him. No one ever did.**

Hermione grimaced too herself. People never really believed her either, so it hurt too hear that her best friend had the same problem as her.

"You know, Potter, the Ministry has started calling you crazy and a liar ever since you said that Dark Lord was back." Theo commented causal as Harry shrugged.

"Theo, babe, in my line of work; no one believes you until you save their asses from the very evil they refuse to hear you about." Harry said as if he were on a Hollywood talk show.

"I know Har, but ya gotta admit, it does sound pretty wild." Theo said, leaning back as Harry chuckled while the others were trying to keep up with their comedy bit.

"I know, but hey; that's what ya get when you're with the Boy-Who's-Totally-Awesome." Harry said causally as he too leaned back coolly, Luna snuggling into him like a trophy wife would.

"Hey! _I'm_ the trophy wife around here!" Draco yelled as Lucius finally snapped.

"Draco, be silent! I don't want to hear anymore of those kinds of outbursts!" Lucius said as Draco looked at him and then Narcissa, who shrugged while a vein in Lucius' forehead pulsed wildly.

"… Yes, Father… Sorry, Father…"

**The problem was, strange things often happened around Harry and it was just no good telling the Dursleys he didn't make them happen. **

**Once, Aunt Petunia, tired of Harry coming back from the barbers looking as though he hadn't been at all, had taken a pair of kitchen scissors and cut his hair so short he was almost bald except for his bangs, which she left "to hide that horrible scar." Dudley had laughed himself silly at Harry, who spent a sleepless night imagining school the next day, where he was already laughed at for his baggy clothes and taped glasses.**

"That's horrible." Andromeda said sadly as others nodded in agreement. How could a mother do that to a member of her own family, even if it weren't her son or not; Harry still had her blood inside of her.

**Next morning, however, he had gotten up to find his hair exactly as it had been before Aunt Petunia had sheared it off. **

"Was that accidental magic?" Hermione asked curiously as she looked at Harry, who shrugged cluelessly.

"Well… I don't think that Harry here is a metamorphagus. I think that he would have shown signs of being one before hand." Nymphadora said importantly as Ted and Andromeda raised brows at her.

"How do you know that?" Hermione asked warily, her curiosity getting the better of her.

Nymphadora gave her parents a look, which made them sigh and nod their heads before she turned back to Hermione with a mischievous look.

"Well… Ya see…" Nymphadora said lightly before scrunching up her face in concentration. Everyone but her parents, Dumbledore, and Charlie were shock out of their socks when the girl's hair turned a vibrant shade of pink and then flaming red.

"I'm sorta a Metamorphagus." Nymphadora said with a smirk at the awe-filled faces looking at her.

"Wow." they said as Nymphadora smiled and changed her hair back to the purple color from before.

"Petunia would know that it was accidental magic, right?" Snape whispered over to Dumbledore as the older man sighed tiredly.

"Yes, but if it something she's against, then why would she care to understand it?" Dumbledore said back as Snape glowered at the book.

**He had been given a week in his cupboard for this, even though he had tried to explain that he couldn't explain how it had grown back so quickly. **

"That filth dared!" Snape sneered out as a handful of people growled at the mention of the cupboard once again.

**Another time, Aunt Petunia had been trying to force him into a revolting old sweater of Dudley's (brown with orange puff balls). **

"Eww…" The twins said in unison as Draco, and some of the girls looked sick.

"I hope you blasted that thing to bits." Pansy said as Blaise nodded along with Draco and the girls.

"Muggles… no fashion sense what-so-ever…" Lucius said with a sad shake of his head.

**The harder she tried to pull it over his head, the smaller it seemed to become, until finally it might have fitted a hand puppet, but certainly wouldn't fit Harry.**

"I swear to Merlin, if she punished Harry for that…" some people muttered to themselves as they glowered at the book.

**Aunt Petunia had decided it must have shrunk in the wash and, to his great relief, Harry wasn't punished. **

"She's just lucky…"

**On the other hand, he'd gotten into terrible trouble for being found on the roof of the school kitchens. Dudley's gang had been chasing him as usual when, as much to Harry's surprise as anyone else's, there he was sitting on the chimney. **

"You _apparated_ onto a chimney!" Ron asked as Harry looked confused.

"What's apparated?" Harry asked as everyone in the room stared at him oddly.

"All this time you didn't know?" Draco asked as Harry raised his brow.

"Are you going to tell me, or shall I stay ignorant?" Harry asked curtly, not liking the looks he was getting or the fact that they all thought him stupid for not knowing something. Theothers stared at him. Harry rarely ever spoke so tightly toward anyone, and it reminded them all that should he ever go dark like Voldemort, the world would be forever shadowed in the darkness.

"We are seriously getting your magical education up to date, Potter." Snape said as McGonagall and Pomfrey nodded beside him, "Apparition is a method of magical transportation. It's basically the magical action of traveling by having the user focus on a desired location in their mind, then disappear from their current location and instantly reappear at the desired location." Snape said as he turned to McGonagall to continue.

"It is by far the fastest way to get to one's desired destination, but is slightly tricky to pull off correctly and disastrous if botched up. Apparition is a very popular method of travel in the Wizarding world, though brooms or portkeys may be preferred as the feeling of Apparition can be unpleasant to some." McGonagall said as Harry raised a brow.

"Unpleasant how?" Harry asked as Dumbledore chuckled.

"Harry my boy, most people vomit the first time they successfully Apparate." Dumbledore said as Harry looked slightly put-off by that little fact.

"Plus it feels like being forced through a rubber tube the first few times, but you get used to it." Fred and George said as Harry was about to ask how they knew, but when they disappeared and reappeared behind him, he merely nodded. They moved back to their seats while Harry was trying hard not to think about just how cool that was.

**The Dursleys had received a very angry letter from Harry's headmistress telling them Harry had been climbing school buildings. But all he'd tried to do (as he shouted at Uncle Vernon through the locked door of his cupboard) was jump behind the big trashcans outside the kitchen doors. Harry supposed that the wind must have caught him in mid-jump. **

"So you didn't apparate, but _flew_!" came the surprised query of the room.

"Yes, don't you people know that I'm always defying the laws of nature and physics?" Harry said in a chipper tone as the Weasley siblings raised brows.

"Harry, the power of flight is a very rare and powerful ability. It's no wonder you're a natural at Quidditch seeking, my boy! You're naturally attune to flight." Dumbledore said as he gazed at Harry from over the rim of his half-moon spectacles.

"Oh, then soon, _if trying find me_!_ Look to the Western sky_!" Harry sang loudly as Snape's eyebrow twitched. Had the boy flown like Lily had all of those years ago? Lily didn't like flying much, so she never truly developed the power, but if the boy had inherited it from her…

**But today, nothing was going to go wrong. It was even worth being with Dudley and Piers to be spending the day somewhere that wasn't school, his cupboard, or Mrs. Figg's cabbage-smelling living room. **

**While he drove, Uncle Vernon complained to Aunt Petunia. He liked to complain about things: people at work, Harry, the council, Harry, the bank, and Harry were just a few of his favorite subjects. This morning, it was motorcycles.**

"Looks like we found another person who loves them some Harry." Fred joked as he nudged George, who was nodding.

"Indeed, Forge! Maybe this great big bloke will join the Harry Potter Fan Club with Voldy, Lucy, and Fudge when they all sign-up." George said, making Harry grimace while his eye twitched. He had a f-fan c-club…?

"Indeed is right, Gred!"

"… **roaring along like maniacs, the young hoodlums," he said, as a motorcycle overtook them.**

"**I had a dream about a motorcycle," said Harry, remembering suddenly. "It was flying." **

**Uncle Vernon nearly crashed into the car in front. He turned right around in his seat and yelled at Harry, his face like a gigantic beet with a mustache: "MOTORCYCLES DON'T FLY!" **

"Over reacting, much? He said it was only just a dream." Charlie said, rolling his eyes like many others in the room.

"Of course flying motorcycles existed, you great big whale, you…" Neville muttered as he crossed his arms and stared down at the floor. He didn't even see all the surprised (and somewhat proud) looks he was getting.

**Dudley and Piers sniggered. **

"**I know they don't," said Harry. "It was only a dream." **

**But he wished he hadn't said anything. If there was one thing the Dursleys hated even more than his asking questions, it was his talking about anything acting in a way it shouldn't, no matter if it was in a dream or even a cartoon — they seemed to think he might get dangerous ideas. **

"I don't like these… these… _idiots_!" Hermione said, shaking her head with a glaring as anger clouded her mind. Everyone looked at her with wide eyes. She looked around and her cheeks colored at all the looks she was getting, even Snape, Lucius, and Dumbledore had raised brows.

"You could say that again!" Bill snorted as he high-fived his brothers.

"Hermione, Hermione, Hermione… I didn't know you used such words. I thought words like that were foul language to you." Harry said as Hermione looked at him blankly.

"They are."

"Oh…"

* * *

><p><strong>It was a very sunny Saturday and the zoo was crowded with families. The Dursleys bought Dudley and Piers large chocolate ice creams at the entrance and then, because the smiling lady in the van had asked Harry what he wanted before they could hurry him away, they bought him a cheap lemon ice pop. <strong>

"Actually that was pretty good, even though it was cheap. Now it's one of my favorite muggle treats." Harry said, small smile on his face as he remembered how much chaos he had created that day.

"Wait, was that the _same_ kind of sweet you made me try when you were trying to convince me that muggle things were just as good as wizards?" Draco asked as Ron exchanged looks with Neville when Harry shrugged.

"Yeah, but you liked it." Harry pointed out as Draco narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms.

"I don't like cheap, and I _don't_ do well with it either." Draco muttered darkly as Lucius gave his son a proud look, but glowered at the Potter brat for giving his son a cheap muggle treat. Narcissa, however, was the same as her two men in the respect to cheap things; cheap was _not_ the Malfoy way.

**It wasn't bad, either, Harry thought, licking it as they watched a gorilla scratching its head who looked remarkably like Dudley, except that it wasn't blond. **

Fred and George laughed aloud when the image showed, quickly being followed by others as the whole room started laughing. Though Lucius and Snape settled for smirks while some others (namely Narcissa, Pomfrey, and McGonagall) chuckled quietly.

**Harry had the best morning he'd had in a long time. He was careful to walk a little way apart from the Dursleys so that Dudley and Piers, who were starting to get bored with the animals by lunchtime, wouldn't fall back on their favorite hobby of hitting him. **

The laughter was replaced by growls at the mere mention of those brats bullying _their_ Harry.

**They ate in the zoo restaurant, and when Dudley had a tantrum because his knicker-bocker glory didn't have enough ice cream on top, Uncle Vernon bought him another one and Harry was allowed to finish the first. **

**Harry felt, afterward, that he should have known it was all too good to last.**

"Harry mate, you sometimes have the worst luck." Ron said with a shake of his head. Harry shrugged.

"I've got a lot of good luck though. Like when it comes to living out and defeating the forces of evil… or gambling."

"Mr. Potter!" McGonagall admonished as she laid a hand over her heart in shock. Harry Potter… gambling!

"What? It's a very healthy outlet for my woes and sorrows, mostly considering your all getting a look into my home-life, and then Voldemort. I could be cutting myself or something else. Hell, I could be chipper all the time. Ya know, just to annoy people." Harry said as many of the gathered people exchanged looks.

"Just keep doing what you're doing, Harry." Sirius said as Lupin and others nodded, unable to take Harry's completely random bouts of chipper-ness and boyish attitude.

"Do you at least win, Mr. Potter?" McGonagall asked as Harry grinned at her.

"Ask Pansy, Theo, and Neville." Harry said as McGonagall and the others turned to the three in question with raised brows. Pansy and Theo looked murderous as they glared daggers at Harry while Blaise and Draco couldn't look anymore amused, as if they knew all along what was going on. Neville however looked like a tomato as his face went beet red.

"Umm… Harry, can I have my stuff back this year. My Gran is getting worried and I told you I'd pay you back in Galleons." Neville said as Pansy and Theo stilled glared at Harry's smugness.

"But I really like the jewel-encrusted vase. It looks so good under to my pair of Pansy's unmentionables and Theo's leather chaps. Along with all the other things I won off them and you in our little games." Harry said as if he would die without any of his winnings, "But fine. You can all have your things back; except for the unmentionables and the ass-less leather chaps. They really do add color to my dorm display in Hogwarts."

"Thanks, Harry." Neville sighed in relief.

"Thanks, _Dobby's sock_! I want my undergarments back, Potter!" Pansy yelled as Theo nodded.

"And my chaps! I _need_ those!" Theo whined as Harry slammed a fist on his loveseat's arm.

"Well too bad! I need them more!"

"Wait…" Ron said aloud too himself as Harry argued with the two Slytherins over their things, "So those bra and panties Harry always hangs on his wall… and those bottom-less chaps…"

"Don't think about it too much, Ronniekins." Fred said as George nodded.

"Yeah, ya brain might explode at the _awesomeness_ of it all. We really should start praying to Harry, God of Awesomeness."

"Indeed we should, Forge."

"Why thank you, Gred."

**After lunch they went to the reptile house. It was cool and dark in there, with lit windows all along the walls. Behind the glass, all sorts of lizards and snakes were crawling and slithering over bits of wood and stone. Dudley and Piers wanted to see huge, poisonous cobras and thick, man-crushing pythons. Dudley quickly found the largest snake in the place. It could have wrapped its body twice around Uncle Vernon's car and crushed it into a trash can — but at the moment it didn't look in the mood. In fact, it was fast asleep. **

Harry groaned, making everyone look to him.

"I was just wondering when they'd get to this part. Well, better prepare myself for the outcome." Harry said as he started placing silencing charms all around him and Luna.

"What are those for, Harry?" Luna asked with child-like wonder.

"You'll see." Harry said blankly.

**Dudley stood with his nose pressed against the glass, staring at the glistening brown coils. **

"**Make it move," he whined at his father. Uncle Vernon tapped on the glass, but the snake didn't budge. **

"**Do it again," Dudley ordered. Uncle Vernon rapped the glass smartly with his knuckles, but the snake just snoozed on. **

"That is _not_ the way you treat animals." Charlie huffed as the twins rolled their eyes.

"Oh get over it." they said in unison while Charlie crossed his arms, leaning back with a pout as Nymphadora snickered at him.

"**This is boring," Dudley moaned. He shuffled away. **

**Harry moved in front of the tank and looked intently at the snake. He wouldn't have been surprised if it had died of boredom itself — no company except stupid people drumming their fingers on the glass trying to disturb it all day long. It was worse than having a cupboard as a bedroom, where the only visitor was Aunt Petunia hammering on the door to wake you up; at least he got to visit the rest of the house. **

Everyone looked at Harry oddly, though the ones who attended Hogwarts with him looked very amused.

"Only you would compare yourself to a snake." Fred said, shaking his head as a grin overcame him.

"I like snakes. Especially the blond one over there. He could slither into my bed any day." Harry said with a pointed and lustful look at Draco, who blushed pink and hid his face while Lucius looked to have swallowed a lemon.

"He's only doing it to get you angry, Lucius. He knows his flirting with Draco in front of you deeply annoys you." Narcissa said, not bothering to look from the book to her steaming husband.

"Damn right!" Harry admitted as Lucius roared the same. Lucius only seemed to get even angrier at their unison statement.

**The snake suddenly opened its beady eyes. Slowly, very slowly, it raised its head until its eyes were on a level with Harry's. **

**It winked.**

"Snakes can't wink or blink. They don't have eyelids." Remus said matter-a-factly. Hermione was about to say the same thing, but was interrupted, once again. She couldn't help but wonder why she was getting interrupted.

"Shut up! The snake winked at me, it's magic!" Harry said childishly as Lupin didn't even look to have heard him.

"So much like James… always trying to prove your wild imaginations by saying their magic." Lupin said as he and Sirius sniggered at Harry.

"Lily was the same when we were children." Snape said to himself as Pomfrey nodded, remembering the girl say that everything she did was magical.

**Harry stared. Then he looked quickly around to see if anyone was watching. They weren't. He looked back at the snake and winked, too. **

"Only you would wink back to a snake."

"I know, which is why I'm totally awesome."

**The snake jerked its head toward Uncle Vernon and Dudley, then raised its eyes to the ceiling. It gave Harry a look that said quite plainly: **

"**I get that all the time." **

"**I know," Harry murmured through the glass, though he wasn't sure the snake could hear him. "It must be really annoying." **

**The snake nodded vigorously. **

"You're a parslemouth?" came many startled exclamation, which came as barely a loud whisper when Harry had activated his charms mere seconds before.

"Yup!" Harry remarked brightly with a large smile.

"H-How…?" Andromeda asked, her hands shaking slightly as Harry shrugged.

"I think I got it from Tommy the Dark Lord the day he tried to kill me as a baby. Though I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep the power once I finally kill him…"

"Tommy the Dark Lord?"

"What? I thought I'd come up with a few nicknames for him. Especially since he wants to be around and stalk me every year."

**Where do you come from, anyway?" Harry asked. **

**The snake jabbed its tail at a little sign next to the glass. Harry peered at it. **

**Boa Constrictor, Brazil. **

"**Was it nice there?" **

**The boa constrictor jabbed its tail at the sign again and Harry read on: This specimen was bred in the zoo. "Oh, I see — so you've never been to Brazil?"**

"Should we even question your ten year-old sanity if you thought talking to a snake was normal?" Charlie teased, hoping to grow a bit closer to the boy his family saw as one of their own.

"No, but weird things always happened to me back then, that's why I wasn't so surprised. Did you know that when I was seven, I made the flowers in Aunt Petunia's garden sing songs from Marry Poppins?" Harry said with a shrug.

"Really? Which ones?" Ted asked, having loved Marry Poppins in his youth.

"_Feed the Birds_, and then I made them sing _Spoon Full of Sugar_."

"Excellent choices!"

**As the snake shook its head, a deafening shout behind Harry made both of them jump. "DUDLEY! MR. DURSLEY! COME AND LOOK AT THIS SNAKE! YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT IT'S DOING!" **

**Dudley came waddling toward them as fast as he could. **

"**Out of the way, you," he said, punching Harry in the ribs. Caught by surprise, Harry fell hard on the concrete floor. **

Hermione growled out this last sentence. Molly was growling along with Hermione, both glaring at the book.

"Humph, if I had anything to do with this, Harry would be out of those Muggles' house as fast as possible." Molly said as Dumbledore nodded.

"And he shall not be returning there. Harry shall stay at Hogwarts, as I've said before." Dumbledore said as almost everyone was glaring at the book while he spoke.

**What came next happened so fast no one saw how it happened — one second, Piers and Dudley were leaning right up close to the glass, the next, they had leapt back with howls of horror. **

"Oh, What did you do!" Fred and George said excited. Even Molly looked excited as she leaned forward.

"Heh, heh… You'll see what happens to those that mess with Harry Potter, the God of Awesome." Harry said as he leaned back coolly.

**Harry sat up and gasped; the glass front of the boa constrictor's tank had vanished.**

Everyone was in a right state of amusement at the image before them. The look on Dudley's face was priceless. While most were laughing, Dumbledore found himself greatly impressed.

"A very impressive show of accidental magic, Harry. Not many could do something like that, even after having been trained in Hogwarts. I see that we'll need to bring these qualities of greatness out of you, sooner rather than later, my boy." Dumbledore said as Harry flushed a little at the compliment and implied message of extra lessons

Snape, however, sneered.

"Yes, please, Albus. Go ahead and inflate the boy's ego more won't you." Snape said with a roll of his eyes while the others gave him a look.

"I thought you saw that Harry was not egoistical?" Lupin said as Snape scoffed.

"Maybe not to the legendary levels of his father, but the boy is still a walking head swollen by his pride and daring." Snape said as Sirius glared at him, "Oh come off it, Black! The boy just called himself the God of Awesome a few moments earlier."

"Yes, but he was joking. He doesn't honestly think that stuff about himself, Professor. Harry's confidence is actually-"

"Zip it, Hermione. Let _Sev_ here think whatever he wants to." Harry said with a careless wave of his hand, as though brushing Snape's opinion to the side as meaningless.

**The great snake was uncoiling itself rapidly, slithering out onto the floor. People throughout the reptile house screamed and started running for the exits. **

**As the snake slid swiftly past him, Harry could have sworn a low, hissing voice said, "Brazil, here I come… Thanksss, amigo." **

**The keeper of the reptile house was in shock. **

"**But the glass," he kept saying, "where did the glass go?"**

* * *

><p><strong>The zoo director himself made Aunt Petunia a cup of strong, sweet tea while he apologized over and over again. Piers and Dudley could only gibber. As far as Harry had seen, the snake hadn't done anything except snap playfully at their heels as it passed, but by the time they were all back in Uncle Vernon's car, Dudley was telling them how it had nearly bitten off his leg, while Piers was swearing it had tried to squeeze him to death. But worst of all, for Harry at least, was Piers calming down enough to say, "Harry was talking to it, weren't you, Harry?" <strong>

"Well damn, Harry. You're screwed." Fred said as Molly rounded on them.

"Fred, language!" Molly reprimanded as Fred look indignant.

"I'm not Fred, he is." Fred said as he pointed at George.

"No, I'm not! You are!" George said as Fred blinked.

"Am I? Are you sure?" Fred said as George shrugged.

"No… But _she_ should know." George said as he grinned and pointed at their mother, who only groaned and rolled her eyes.

Those two… she'd never know which was which…

**Uncle Vernon waited until Piers was safely out of the house before starting on Harry. He was so angry he could hardly speak. He managed to say, "Go — cupboard — stay — no meals," before he collapsed into a chair, and Aunt Petunia had to run and get him a large brandy. **

"They- he- They _starve_ you?" everyone roared as they gaped at Harry, who didn't seem to notice. He tapped the air near his head and a faint pop of a bubble was heard.

"Ahh, the wonder of charms… And yes, they do, sometimes. Didn't I mention that earlier…?" Harry said, though he was avoiding meeting anyone's gaze, preferring to look into his lap or glance off at the fireplace.

Soon everyone had calmed down, though Snape was muttering something about his childhood and never being starved, while Molly and the other women were muttering about finally seeing why Harry was so thin.

**Harry lay in his dark cupboard much later, wishing he had a watch. He didn't know what time it was and he couldn't be sure the Dursleys were asleep yet. Until they were, he couldn't risk sneaking to the kitchen for some food. **

"Good boy." Fred and George joked, though they did so somberly.

**He'd lived with the Dursleys almost ten years, ten miserable years, as long as he could remember, ever since he'd been a baby and his parents had died in that car crash. He couldn't remember being in the car when his parents had died. Sometimes, when he strained his memory during long hours in his cupboard, he came up with a strange vision: a blinding flash of green light and a burning pain on his forehead. **

Gasps filled the room, and everyone besides Harry and Hermione looked at Dumbledore with shock.

"Albus, c-could it be… the K-Killing Curse?" Molly said, stumbling over her words with a hand over her heart.

"Ah, maybe, but we cannot be sure at the current time, Molly." Dumbledore said, his blue eyes twinkling as Harry rolled his emerald green orbs.

"We all know it was-"

"Look, can I please just be mysterious and stuff a bit longer." Dumbledore said as he looked at Harry in a huff, "I mean really, my dear boy. These books are already going to take all the mystery and secrets out of our life. Can I please have that until these things reveal them. I'm 113 years-old, Harry my boy. Let an old man have his fun and games." Dumbledore said as he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms childishly, making Harry roll his eyes again.

"He does this whenever he's out of lemon drops, and when ever I take away his "fun" with keeping secrets or mysteries until the "right time". He's so old, and yet so childish." Harry explained to the others while they gawked at Dumbledore's tantrum.

"I know you are, but what am I?" Dumbledore retorted as Harry pouted and crossed his arms.

"Fine, play your games! Go on and be a kid! Moving on!" Harry yelled as Lucius' eye twitched.

These two were the Wizarding World's heroes who defeated the Darkest of Dark Lords…? Dear Merlin, why?

**This, he supposed, was the crash, though he couldn't imagine where all the green light came from. He couldn't remember his parents at all. **

Lupin and the others looked at Harry with a sorrowful gaze. Harry only gave them all a glare.

"What? There are plenty of children that haven't seen their parents, and didn't even have parents. I'm not special, I'm just Harry. My parents died, and so have thousands of others. Nothing good or bad about it." Harry said, almost as if he were trying to convince even himself.

"Yes, but the circumstances concerning your parents' deaths makes it special. Whereas others don't loss their parents to the most powerful dark wizard to date." Lucius said as Harry huffed and rolled his eyes. Though some of them could see that he had unshed tears in his eyes.

"Remus and I can tell you anything you want to know about your parents." Sirius said suddenly, making Harry look at him, and then smile upon remembering he was there.

"Thanks Sirius, Remus." Harry said as Sirius and Lupin both smiled back at him, though Sirius gave an over animated thumbs-up…

You know… just for good measure…

**His aunt and uncle never spoke about them, and of course he was forbidden to ask questions. There were no photographs of them in the house. **

Remus and Sirius growled liked caged beasts and he saw that Harry was sending them a grin, though that didn't hide the reproachful look in young Harry's eyes.

"Have you seen any pictures of them… now, that is?" Lupin asked carefully, knowing that Harry wouldn't want him to let his anger rule him.

That was the way of an uncontrollable beast that would kill it's best friend, and he was not a beast as Harry reminded him every so often.

"Yeah, I have a bunch. Hagrid gave me an album of pictures at the end of First Year." Harry said with a smile, remembering that he had never really looked through the entire album, merely skimming through it whenever he was down.

Lupin blinked as he thought back, "Wait a minute… I remember Hagrid sending me an Owl asking for pictures once… I got copies made… those had been a lot of pictures…" Lupin said as Narcissa nodded.

"Yes, I remember Hagrid sending me an Owl as well. I gave him a few of the schooldays pictures I had lying about of Lily and James when they had started dating." Narcissa said as Harry looked at her in shock, but said nothing. Harry also noticed that Snape scowled and looked like someone had killed his favorite pet at the mention of his parents dating.

He wondered… Hmm…

"After this is all over, Harry, we can all scrunch up some photos and show you a bunch of pictures of both of your parents and all our friends." Sirius said as the others nodded, even Snape and Lucius.

Harry couldn't help it. The biggest, brightest smile broke through his spirit and onto his face as he gazed around the room at all the adults, "Thank you all, very much. I… I really don't know what to say… Just… Thanks everyone…"

"It's no problem, dear. We'd all want to see our photos of our parents if we didn't know them." Molly said as Harry nodded with a smile, then he frowned in thought.

"Maybe this is what Voldemort needed? To have friends and family? Ya know, to just feel loved instead of admired." Harry thought as Pomfrey, McGonagall, and Dumbledore looked saddened.

"Perhaps you're right, my boy, but sometimes even that isn't enough to keep people from doing that which they feel they must…" Dumbledore said gravely as McGonagall and Pomfrey nodded.

**When he had been younger, Harry had dreamed and dreamed of some unknown relation coming to take him away, but it had never happened;** **the Dursleys were his only family.**

Lupin and Sirius winced.

"What's wrong, Professor Lupin, Mr. Black?" Neville asked as the two men chuckled at Neville's respectful tone.

"I'm not your Professor anymore. Just Remus, or even Lupin. No Professors, or Misters here." Lupin said as Neville smiled shyly at them.

"Yeah, I'm still far too young to be a Mister. In fact, I'm so young and sexy-"

"That you need to shut up." Lupin said as Sirius nodded without thought.

"Exactly!… Wait!"

"Anyways, we were both probably thinking the same thing. Which is that we really botched up in not taking Harry. I was… well, you know. And Sirius got himself landed in jail catching after… that _traitor_. Now though, we can both at least be a part of Harry's life." Lupin said as Neville nodded in understanding.

"I wish my parents had friends like you and… Sirius." Neville said as Sirius chuckled.

"You're welcome to be a part of our family anytime Neville. Frank and Alice were good friends of ours as well. Not as good as James and Lily, but still very good. What happened to them was a shame and I apologize for what my… _cousin_ did, but if you ever need anything or anyone, then I'm just a Floo call or mirror away." Sirius said as Neville smiled.

"Me as well, Neville." Lupin said.

"And us too." Arthur said as he hugged Molly to him.

"And I'm your friendly neighborhood Boy-Who-Lived. Just say the word, and I'll be there." Harry said with bright smile, his teeth twinkling like Dumbledore's eyes.

"Thanks guys… Thanks…" Neville said, wiping away tears from his eyes. He didn't just have a family of blood.

He had a family of friends now too…

**Yet sometimes he thought (or maybe hoped) that strangers in the street seemed to know him. Very strange strangers they were, too. **

**A tiny man in a violet top hat had bowed to him once while out shopping with Aunt Petunia and Dudley. After asking Harry furiously if he knew the man, Aunt Petunia had rushed them out of the shop without buying anything. A wild-looking old woman dressed all in green had waved merrily at him once on a bus. A bald man in a very long purple coat had actually shaken his hand in the street the other day and then walked away without a word. The weirdest thing about all these people was the way they seemed to vanish the second Harry tried to get a closer look. **

**At school, Harry had no one. Everybody knew that Dudley's gang hated that odd Harry Potter in his baggy old clothes and broken glasses, and nobody liked to disagree with Dudley's gang.**

"Thank Merlin you have us, huh Harry?" Hermione sighed out with a smile as the book announced that the last line was the end of the chapter.

"Huh… Oh, right! Yup, very lucky! Oh yeah, just insanely so." Harry said, waving his hand vaguely as he stared into blank space.

"Harry, what are you looking at?" Ron asked.

"I'm trying to decide if I should curse Dudley for making my early years a basic hell, or not. A part of me says it's wrong, but another part of me is screaming vengeance." Harry said as Draco scoffed.

"Hex him and be done with it." Draco said as his father nodded.

"I'm hungry." Ron said as Hermione frowned at him as though he was embarrassing her.

"Ronald. You got here in the middle of a meal. How are you still hungry?" Hermione asked as Ron gave her a look.

"Because I didn't finish that meal." Ron said as Molly shook her head at her son's appetite.

"I'll whip us up something to eat. It'll be no trouble. That's the kitchen, right?" Molly said as Harry nodded.

"Well then, I think I'll go and help her. Being stuck here is forcing us to play nice with one another, so perhaps that is exactly what we should do." Narcissa said as Andromeda nodded, both making their way to the kitchen. Luna and Pansy went in as Harry raised a brow. He had never thought Pansy Parkinson to be the homemaker-type.

"Well then, until the meal is served, I believe we should all adjourn to our rooms." Dumbledore said as everyone nodded.

Harry went into his own room, noting how it looked almost as if it were crafted from his dreams. He noticed Draco had tried to follow him in, but Lucius picked the boy up by the scuff of his collar and dragged him back to the Malfoy room.

Harry gazed around the room, guessing that it was a sitting room while the open door directly forward was to the bedroom. One door to the left of the bedroom led to a bathroom, and another on the right led to a closet. Harry wasn't even sure why there was one for a closet, but didn't complain. He walked into the bedroom, seeing that it's ceiling was like that of the Hogwarts' Great Hall. Harry didn't care for much else as he flopped onto the bed. It was so comfy…

* * *

><p>"Should I reveal to him-"<p>

"No, I think not, Severus. We shall see how the next few chapters play out. If they are as bad as these first three, then we will indeed need to tell Harry. If only to show him that things aren't always as black and white as his _relatives_ make them out to be. I still can't believe that they would… Oh, they will receive very stern words for these acts." Dumbledore said as Snape paled slightly. Stern words from Albus Dumbledore, that was enough to make even Voldemort cringe a bit.


	4. The Letters From Who Knew!

**Chapter 4: The Letters From Who Knew!**

* * *

><p>"Harry, wake up!" Ron shouted as Harry jumped up from his peaceful sleep and comfy bed.<p>

"Santa Claus is a black man!" Harry yelled as he came out of his dreams with a yawn, "Why'd you have to wake me up? That was the best sleep I've had in ages."

"Harry, you've been asleep for over twelve hours. We were getting kind of worried for ya, mate." Ron said as Neville, from where he stood awkwardly by the door, nodded in agreement.

"Huh? Oh, sorry." Harry said as he yawned again, getting back under the covers while Ron and Neville looked confused.

"Harry, get up! We've got breakfast to eat. Mum and the other ladies won't let us eat until you get up." Ron complained as he stripped the covers from Harry.

"No, me no want!" Harry whined childishly as Neville stepped up.

"Harry, Draco said that if you don't get up in the next five minutes, then he'd come in here with a fork. I'm not sure why _that_ was a threat, but-"

Neville didn't even get to finish as Harry blurred to the door and out of it before he or Ron could do nothing more than gawk at the speed of which Harry could move.

"Don't just stand there! Draco's got _utensils_! Do as the blond says!" Harry yelled, peeking through the door as he waited for his two stunned friends.

* * *

><p>Breakfast seemed to be so very tense, that even Harry wasn't oblivious of it. On one side of the table sat the Malfoys, and the teachers, but on the other sat… well, 90% Gryffindors. However, Harry took the head of the table while Dumbledore took the other end.<p>

"Okay, enough of this!" Harry yelled into the tense silence as he put down his forkful of waffles and slammed a fist down onto the table itself.

"No one has spoken, Potter." Lucius drawled as Draco quivered slightly beside him. Narcissa raised a brow at her son's obvious fear of Harry's temper, but seeing the pent-up aggression in Potter's eyes, she could understand why.

Never in all her days had she seen a person with so much angry and hate beyond their eyes and hidden deep within their soul. It was almost a wonder why the boy wasn't a Slytherin… Perhaps… No, the boy probably knew nothing of Hogwarts when he arrived, so he'd have no clue about the obvious and blatant bias against her old Hogwarts House.

Oh, if only Narcissa knew just how _wrong_ she was…

Oh wait, she will!

"Exactly my point, dear Lucius! You people act like being courteous for a meal would _kill_ you as quickly as the Killing Curse! We're _obviously_ gonna be here for at least a few days, so you all might as well get used to each other." Harry said as all eyes were on him, "I don't like everyone at this table, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy a meal and some light conversation with you all. Now, we either act like a _civil_ family of misfits, or I'll annoy you all with my best John Waters impression."

At seeing even the dreaded Severus Snape pale at the threat, the meal's atmosphere drastically took a complete 180 from overwhelming tension to joyous. Good-natured conversation and jokes were passed between everyone with their brightest of smiles on while Harry merely sat at the head of the table, looking upon all the others with a small smile of his own.

He had no clue people knew who John Waters even was, but boy was he glad things were no longer awkward…

* * *

><p>"Okay, time to read the next chapter." Neville said as he brought out his own wand, "No one minds if I cast the spell this time, do they?"<p>

"I do. I want to try it next. First Granger, now Longbottom. The world's gone mad." Pansy whined as she glared at Neville, but a smack to the back of her head from Theo shut her up.

"Good then, no one minds." Neville chirped cheerfully as others groaned.

Neville Longbottom of all people was already being infected by Harry Potter, the others noted while Harry grinned widely… Oh, this would not end well at all…

* * *

><p>"<em><strong>Omnia Recitess<strong>_…" Neville said clearly as he moved his wand in a simply wave over the stationary book. The book suddenly snapped own of it's own accord, and flipped it's pages until it got to the chapter they wanted.

"**Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Chapter Three: Letters From No One**" the book read, sounding slightly like Professor McGonagall.

"I guess it sounds like whoever we associate reading with." Hermione surmised as McGonagall rolled her eyes.

"I don't even read that often…" McGonagall muttered while Snape was coughing.

"ugph-Bookworm-ugph… Excuse me, bad cough." Snape said as McGonagall reached over and bopped him one.

"Sorry, just stretching." McGonagall said back as she smirked.

* * *

><p><strong>The escape of the Brazilian boa constrictor earned Harry his longest-ever punishment. By the time he was allowed out of his cupboard again, the summer holidays had started-<strong>

"Wait, isn't that fatty's birthday in April?" Draco growled as Lupin and Sirius growled darkly.

"What?" Hermione, Molly, and Pansy screeched as the men covered their ears.

"Yeah, though at least they fed me and I didn't have to do any chores. It was more like a vacation for me rather than a true punishment." Harry said, shrugging off his terrible relatives' behavior against him.

"You'd excuse Morgan Le Fay for hexing off your balls, won't you?" Draco asked as Harry looked scared.

"Of course not! That would be unforgivable! I need those!" Harry said, covering the front of his trousers.

**-and Dudley had already broken his new video camera, crashed his remote control airplane, and, first time out on his racing bike, knocked down old Mrs. Figg as she crossed Privet Drive on her crutches.**

"Horrible child…" The female members muttered.

**Harry was glad school was over, but there was no escaping Dudley's gang, who visited the house every single day. Piers, Dennis, Malcolm, and Gordon were all big and stupid, but as Dudley was the biggest and stupidest of the lot, he was the leader.**

"Wait, how does that even work?" Theo asked as Harry smirked.

"Think of… Draco's gang with.. Crabbe as leader." Harry said, glancing over to Draco whose mouth was agape.

"I hate you…"

"Love you too, Sugar Plum." Harry replied as Draco's cheeks reddened and he buried his face in the couch while Ron and the other Weasleys chuckled, that was, until they all caught the cold glare Lucius was shooting at anything that moved.

**The rest of them were all quite happy to join in Dudley's favorite sport: Harry Hunting.**

More angry glares were shot at the book and animalistic growls rang out in the room as Lupin and Sirius exchanged dark looks.

"Tonight, _we_ do the hunting." Sirius said as Lupin uncharacteristically agreed for the sake of Harry. Three growls repeated and the tables cracked from the energy coming of everyone besides Harry, who was studying the patterns on the love seat. Dumbledore waved his wand and the tables fixed themselves.

"Can we please not break the nice furniture?" Dumbledore with a sigh.

**This was why Harry spent as much time as possible out of the house, wandering around and thinking about the end of the holidays, where he could see a tiny ray of hope. When September came he would be going off to secondary school and, for the first time in his life, he wouldn't be with Dudley. Dudley had been accepted at Uncle Vernon's old private school, Smeltings. Piers Polkiss was going there too. Harry, on the other hand, was going to-**

"Hogwarts!"

"_The place for witches and wizard, and magical feasts_!" Harry sang as everyone looked at him oddly, "_Hogwarts! Hogwarts_!"

"You will just never let that go…" Draco groaned as Harry beamed at him.

"We are so doing that next when we're out of here." Harry said, making Draco groan even more.

**-Stonewall High, the local public school. Dudley thought this was very funny.**

"So… no Hogwarts?" Fred asked as George shook his head sadly.

"No Hogwarts…"

**"They stuff people's heads down the toilet the first day at Stonewall," he told Harry. "Want to come upstairs and practice."**

**"No, thanks," said Harry. "The poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it - it might be sick." **

At the laughs that generated from everyone, and even a few chuckles from Lucius and Narcissa, Harry blinked.

"There's that dry wit Lily was famous for." Lupin muttered as he and Sirius smiled at Harry.

"Oh! Ten points to Harry!" Blaise said, running over to Harry and slapping him a high-five.

**Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he'd said.**

"Ten points from Harry for running like a little bit-"

"Mr. Zabini! Watch your language!"

"Yes, Ma'am…" Blaise said before mouthing the word to Harry, who politely and discretely, showed him the middle finger.

**One day in July, Aunt Petunia took Dudley to London to buy his Smeltings uniform, leaving Harry at Mrs. Figg's. Mrs. Figg wasn't as bad as usual. It turned out she'd broken her leg tripping over one of her cats, and she didn't seem quite as fond of them as before. She let Harry watch television and gave him a bit of chocolate cake that tasted as though she'd had it for several years.**

"That reminds me. In my Third Year with the Dementors…" Harry paused as everyone aside from him, Luna, and Luna's father Xenophilius, shivered, "Why did you guys keep giving me chocolate?"

"That can be answered when we get to it, I think, Harry my boy." Dumbledore said as he chuckled at Harry's pout.

"But I want to know now!" Harry whined childishly as the others chuckled at him.

**That evening, Dudley paraded around the living room for the family in his brand-new uniform. Smeltings' boys wore maroon tailcoats,-**

"I think I might be sick." Pansy said as Draco and his father nodded.

**-orange knickerbockers,- **

"Now I _know_ I'm sick." Pansy said as Draco looked a little green and the women in the room nodded while Lucius placed a hand to his mouth.

**-and flat straw hats called boaters. **

"I like their uniforms. Why can't we have those? They sound cool, and colorful." Ron said as all the women looked at him, along with most of the men.

"Pansy, catch me." Draco said dramatically, swooning as he placed the back of his hand to his forehead, "I feel faint."

Pansy caught Draco, fanning him as Narcissa did the same for her husband.

"They're _very_ fashion conscious." Narcissa explained as the twins snickered.

**They also carried knobby sticks, used for hitting each other while the teachers weren't looking. This was supposed to be good training for later life.**

"What?" exclaimed the staff members of Hogwarts that were present. Dumbledore looked highly confused while McGonagall's mouth was in a thin line, and Madam Pomfrey looked angry.

"I'll be sending a word to the Muggles authorities about this one." Madam Pomfrey muttered as she sat back with her arms crossed.

**As he looked at Dudley in his new knickerbockers, Uncle Vernon said gruffly that it was the proudest moment of his life. Aunt Petunia burst into tears and said she couldn't believe it was her Ickle Dudleykins,-**

The twins where howling in laughter as everyone else groaned at their antics.

"Now, now, Ickle _Everyone-_kins." Fred said.

"Even we need our moment." George finished as the others still groaned.

**-he looked so handsome and grown-up. Harry didn't trust himself to speak. He thought two of his ribs might already have cracked from trying not to laugh.**

There was no such restraint this time around as Harry was on the floor in tears as he finally remembered just how funny it all was.

Seeing it a second time also helped!

**There was a horrible smell in the kitchen the next morning when Harry went in for breakfast. It seemed to be coming from a large metal tub in the sink. He went to have a look. The tub was full of what looked like dirty rags swimming in gray water.**

**"What's this?" he asked Aunt Petunia. Her lips tightened as they always did if he dared to ask a question.**

**"Your new school uniform," she said.**

"Muggle woman, say what?" Lucius said, rising from his wife's lap.

"That evil old shrew…" Draco muttered with a shake of his head, "Trying to put Harry into those dreadful things. No wonder he was so timid First Year…"

**Harry looked in the bowl again.**

**"Oh," he said, "I didn't realize it had to be so wet."**

"Sarcasm doesn't work on people like _her_, Potter." Snape said from where he sat as Harry leaned forward next to Luna, "Believe me, I've tried it for years."

"You knew her?" Harry asked in surprise as Snape scoffed.

"Regrettably." Snape replied, and then fell silent as Harry shrugged.

**"Don't be stupid," snapped Aunt Petunia. "I'm dying some of Dudley's old things gray for you. It'll look just like everyone else's when I've finished." **

"Sure it will…" the twins said with a roll of their eyes as people chuckled at them.

"These Muggles take hand-me-downs to the extreme." Lucius said as he cast a look at Harry, "Not even you deserve such a detestable wardrobe, Potter. I'll have Madam Malkin add you to her express-n-proper list when I leave here."

"Umm… Thanks, I guess…" Harry said as he was a little miffed that Lucius was taking pity on him.

Boy, did he hate pity. If it had a physical form, Harry would kick it repeatedly.

"At least our family looks _good_ in our hand-me-downs." Ron muttered as Bill gave him a thumbs-up, seeing his youngest brother in his old school robes.

**Harry seriously doubted this, but thought it best not to argue. He sat down at the table and tried not to think about how he was going to look on his first day at Stonewall High - like he was wearing bits of old elephant skin, probably.**

"Oh, my stomach is ill." Draco moaned as Pansy looked sick.

"You poor thing. Exposed to all these ugly images; both here and mental." Ginny teased as she gestured the the image projected from the book while Draco nodded.

"Yes, I know. I was perfectly prepared for Weasley-ugly fashion, but this is a whole new level I wasn't even aware had existed." Draco said as Ginny growled at him.

"You and I both, son." Lucius said as Arthur growled at him.

**Dudley and Uncle Vernon came in, both with wrinkled noses because of the smell from Harry's new uniform. Uncle Vernon opened his newspaper as usual and Dudley banged his Smelting stick, which he carried everywhere, on the table.**

"Like a dog with a new bone." Ted said with a shake of his.

"More like a House Elf with a new feather-duster." Lucius replied as Ted gave him a disgusted look.

"Or perhaps a baby with a new toy." Molly joined in as all three mothers in the room nodded as one.

**They heard the click of the mail slot and flop of letters on the doormat.**

**"Get the mail, Dudley," said Uncle Vernon from behind his paper.**

"What?" everyone asked, even Harry as he forgot about that.

"He actually asked that tub-o-lard to do something?" Ron asked in wide-eyed surprise.

"I know, shocking, isn't it?" Hermione said as everyone chuckled at her humor.

**"Make Harry get it."**

**"Get the mail, Harry."**

"Oh, know that makes more, yet twisted, senses." Neville admitted as Harry nodded.

**"Make Dudley get it." **

**"Poke him with your Smelting stick, Dudley." **

"Even more twisted senses being made here." Neville said as everyone gave him a look, "What?"

"If he hit you with that, Mr. Potter, you have expressed permission from me to use Transfiguration as a punishment against him." McGonagall said as her mouth formed a thin line while Madam Pomfrey nodded.

"I thought Transfiguration couldn't be used a punishment." Harry replied as everyone blinked, "What? I pay attention sometimes. I've even been thinking about a job as a magical teacher at Hogwarts."

"Yes, well, that's normally true." McGonagall said, "He is not a student at our school, and he's barely a human being as he acts like an animal."

**Harry dodged the Smelting stick and went to get the mail. Three things lay on the doormat: a postcard from Uncle Vernon's sister Marge, who was vacationing on the Isle of Wight, a brown envelope that looked like a bill, and - a letter for Harry.**

**Harry picked it up and stared at it, his heart twanging like a giant elastic band. No one, ever, in his whole life, had written to him. Who would?**

"Me!" Ron, Ginny, and Blaise chorused as they raised their hands.

"What?" Harry asked with a quirked brow.

"Everyone wrote to you as a kid, Potter." Theodore Nott said from by Blaise, "You were like the muggle Amazman."

"_Supe_rman."

"Whatever. Stupid muggle hero names…"

"No reason to pout, Theodore dear." Blaise said as Theo scowled at him, pushing the dark-skinned boy away.

"Stop! People are going to get the wrong idea!" Theo said as Blaise smirked.

"Oh yeah? And what's that?"

"That I'm some sort of exhibitionist or something, baby." Theo said, suddenly smirking as he slapped Blaise's behind. Blaise quickly dropped the antics, knowing when he was beat.

**He had no friends, no other relatives - he didn't belong to the library, so he'd never even got rude notes asking for books back. Yet here it was, a letter, addressed so plainly there could be no mistake: **

**Mr. H. Potter**

**The Cupboard under the Stairs**

**4 Privet Drive**

**Little Whinging Surrey**

Everyone was quiet as they blinked at the book.

"… That was so damn accurate…" Sirius said as everyone nodded.

"I hope you all didn't know about him sleeping in the cupboard." Lupin said as McGonagall's mouth thinned nearly to invisibility.

"We most certainly did not!" it was Dumbledore who beat her to the punch, both of them exciting the statement.

**The envelope was thick and heavy, made of yellowish parchment, and the address was written in emerald-green ink. There was no stamp.** **Turning the envelope over, his hand trembling, Harry saw a purple wax seal bearing a coat of arms; a lion,**

"Gryffindor!"

**an eagle, **

"Ravenclaw." Luna smiled as she and her father exchanged pleased looks.

**a badger, **

"Hufflepuff!" Nymphadora exclaimed very loudly as she stood atop the couch she and her parents were sitting on and danced.

**and a snake **

"Slytherin!" Draco and his friends exclaimed, dancing.

"Draco, stop that at once!" Lucius commanded as Draco and his friends couldn't seem to stop quick enough while resuming their seats.

What? A pissed-off Lucius was never good for your health while you were acting out in front of others.

**surrounding a large letter H.**

"Hogwarts!" the teens exclaimed, slapping five.

**"Hurry up, boy!" shouted Uncle Vernon from the kitchen. "What are you doing, checking for letter bombs." He chuckled at his own joke.**

Fred and George fell into their family's arms while Ron and Ginny looked very worried.

"Quick! Someone say something funny!" Ginny said as everyone stared.

"They fainted from that? Well, this sucks major hippogriff." Harry said, crossing his arms and pouting while the twins shot up laughing.

"Hippogriff?" Fred asked between chuckles.

"Why didn't we think of that?" George asked as he and his twin shrugged in unison.

**Harry went back to the kitchen, still staring at his letter. He handed Uncle Vernon the bill and the postcard, sat down, and slowly began to open the yellow envelope.**.

**Uncle Vernon ripped open the bill, snorted in disgust, and flipped over the postcard.**

**"Marge's ill," he informed Aunt Petunia. "Ate a funny whelk. -."**

"Shame she didn't die." Harry growled darkly as everyone felt a shiver course down their spines.

Harry Potter, the epitome of love and humor, wishing death on someone? It was enough to make even Snape flinch back.

"She really that bad, bro?" Blaise asked with a raised brow.

"If these things are going by year, then you'll see for yourself in the third book… Sis…" Harry said, smirking at the end.

"I'm a boy." Blaise said firmly.

"The picture I have in my Hogwarts trunk with you in your unmentionables says otherwise." Harry replied happily as the dark-skinned Slytherin's face colored.

"You are pure evil, Harry Potter."

"Yes, the darkest of all Lords. Voldemort ain't got-"

"Mr. Potter!"

"He ain't got unicorn crap on me."

"That's it! Detention!"

"… Yes, ma'am…"

**"Dad!" said Dudley suddenly. "Dad, Harry's got something!" **

**Harry was on the point of unfolding his letter, which was written on the same heavy parchment as the envelope, when it was jerked sharply out of his hand by Uncle Vernon.**

**"That's mine!" said Harry, trying to snatch it back.**

**"Who'd be writing to you." sneered Uncle Vernon, shaking the letter open with one hand and glancing at it. His face went from red to green faster than a set of traffic lights. And it didn't stop there. Within seconds it was the grayish white of old porridge.**

**"P-P-Petunia!" he gasped.**

"Overreacting a bit, don't you think?" Lupin said as Sirius only crossed his arms and frowned.

**Dudley tried to grab the letter to read it, but Uncle Vernon held it high out of his reach. Aunt Petunia took it curiously and read the first line. For a moment it looked as though she might faint. She clutched her throat and made a choking noise.**

"Drama Queen!" Fred and George sang.

**"Vernon! Oh my goodness - Vernon!" They stared at each other, seeming to have forgotten that Harry and Dudley were still in the room. Dudley wasn't used to being ignored. He gave his father a sharp tap on the head with his Smelting stick.**

"Horrible little monster… Bent over my knee…" Madam Pomfrey muttered to herself as everyone cast her a worried glance.

**"I want to read that letter," he said loudly.**

"**I want to read it," said Harry furiously, "as it's mine." **

"Now whose temper could that be…? Hmm, I wonder…" Sirius said as he tapped his chin.

"James, defiantly." Lupin nodded, "Your dad, just like you, had repressed and pent-up anger issues."

"Your mother, however…" Snape began, though he shivered, "She would be rather cross over some of the most insignificant things."

"Good to know." Harry said, then paused a look over came him, "Hey! I don't have anger issues!"

"Sure…"

**"Get out, both of you," croaked Uncle Vernon, stuffing the letter back inside its envelope.**

**Harry didn't move.**

"That's it Harry! Fight the power, man!" Blaise said as everyone gave him a look, "What?"

**"I WANT MY LETTER!" he shouted.**

People gave Harry strange looks.

"What? Repressed childhood, remember?" Harry said, though didn't sound to caring about said abused childhood as he used it as a feeble excuse to get people to stop giving him those looks. Those looks so full of pity.

Argh! Harry wished he could summon Pity, and just hex it's bits off!

**"Let me see it!" demanded Dudley.**

**"OUT!" roared Uncle Vernon, and he took both Harry and Dudley by the scruffs of their necks and threw them into the hall, slamming the kitchen door behind them. Harry and Dudley promptly had a furious but silent fight over who would listen at the keyhole; Dudley won, so Harry, his glasses dangling from one ear, lay flat on his stomach to listen at the crack between door and floor.**

"How Slytherin of you, Potty." Theo said with a grin as Harry gave him one back.

"Thank you Theodore." Harry said sweetly as Theo blanched. He hated when Harry said his full name. Blaise grinned, however.

He now had ammo… Heh, heh…

**"Vernon," Aunt Petunia was saying in a quivering voice, "look at the address - how could they possibly know where he sleeps? You don't think they're watching the house?"**

**"Watching - spying - might be following us," muttered Uncle Vernon wildly.**

"Oh please, muggle man." Lucius said, "We've got better things to do. Like being rich and success."

**"But what should we do, Vernon? Should we write back? Tell them we don't want -" Harry could see Uncle Vernon's shiny black shoes pacing up and down the kitchen.**

**"No," he said finally. "No, we'll ignore it. If they don't get an answer... Yes, that's best... we won't do anything...**

**"But -"**

**"I'm not having one in the house, Petunia! Didn't we swear when we took him in we'd stamp out that dangerous nonsense."**

At the looks he was receiving, Harry sighed. He supposed things were going to get out anyway…

"What he _really_ meant was to keep me as down-trodden as possible. Aunt Petunia wouldn't let him hit me, so he encouraged Dudley to do it."

"You should have kicked his right fat arse, Harry." Ron said, looking disgusted.

"I was still a shrimp back in those days!" Harry defended, "He would have sat on me! And he farted a lot!"

"… Point…"

* * *

><p><strong>That evening when he got back from work, Uncle Vernon did something he'd never done before; he visited Harry in his cupboard.<strong>

**"Where's my letter," said Harry, the moment Uncle Vernon had squeezed through the door. "Who's writing to me?"**

"That's it. You demand your things and answers." Draco said, looking very approving. Even Lucius looked so, though reluctantly.

**"No one. It was addressed to you by mistake," said Uncle Vernon shortly. "I have burned it."**

**"It was not a mistake," said Harry angrily, "it had my cupboard on it."**

**"SILENCE!" yelled Uncle Vernon, and a couple of spiders fell from the ceiling. He took a few deep breaths and then forced his face into a smile, which looked quite painful.**

"I bet it was." Nymphadora grumbled, "Fat ass couldn't be bothered to work even those muscles…"

"While I don't approve of your language, dear." Andromeda said, "I do agree with your assessment. He is a _major_ fat ass."

**"Er - yes, Harry - about this cupboard. Your aunt and I have been thinking... you're really getting a bit big for it... we think it might be nice if you moved into Dudley's second bedroom.**

"This little devil spawn had a second flickin' bedroom!" Lucius belted out as he leaned forward on the couch he and his family were occupying.

"Potter, you are never going back there." McGonagall said as everyone nodded, "When this is over, you get your things, and don't you dare look back."

**"Why?" said Harry.**

**"Don't ask questions!" snapped his uncle.**

"I knew they didn't approve of questions!" McGonagall shouted, "It explains so much!"

**"Take this stuff upstairs, now."**

**The Dursleys' house had four bedrooms: one for Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia, one for visitors (usually Uncle Vernon's sister, Marge), one where Dudley slept, and one where Dudley kept all the toys and things that wouldn't fit into his first bedroom.**

"The spoiled… insipid… brat." many were muttering as Harry rolled his eyes.

**It only took Harry one trip upstairs to move everything he owned from the cupboard to this room. He sat down on the bed and stared around him. Nearly everything in here was broken. The month-old video camera was lying on top of a small, working tank Dudley had once driven over the next door neighbour's dog; in the corner was Dudley's first-ever television set, which he'd put his foot through when his favourite program had been cancelled; there was a large birdcage, which had once held a parrot that Dudley had swapped at school for a real air rifle, which was up on a shelf with the end all bent because Dudley had sat on it. Other shelves were full of books. They were the only things in the room that looked as though they'd never been touched.**

"If he can't count how can he read!" This came surprisingly from Ron, who looked highly offended for some reason before turning quickly to Hermione, "We're studying when we get out of here. Never again will I be like… like _that_!"

"Trust us, Weasley, even you aren't so low on the dumb-o-meter." Draco said as Ron gave the blond a confused look.

"I shall take that as a compliment." Ron said politely, "Thank you… Draco."

"Don't ever use my first name again, Weasley." Draco shivered, "It makes me uncomfortable." and the evil grin Ron was now sporting wasn't helping, "Harry!"

"… I'll deal with it later, sweetie." Harry said dismissively, staring at the image floating above the book.

Damn, even as a shrimp he was cute.

**From downstairs came the sound of Dudley bawling at his mother, "I don't want him in there... I need that room... make him get out..."**

"Oh, he's getting the gold level of our practice, Remus." Sirius said as Lupin nodded.

"The level pact, for spoiled brats." Lupin said as he and Sirius exchanged a secret handshake while Harry watched with a raised brow.

**Harry sighed and stretched out on the bed. Yesterday he'd have given anything to be up here. Today he'd rather be back in his cupboard with that letter than up here without it.**

"Don't think like that, Harry." Draco whined, "You could always have both if you weren't such a damn Golden Boy."

"Maybe… maybe…" Harry said, not really listening to Draco's whining.

**Next morning at breakfast, everyone was rather quiet. Dudley was in shock. He'd screamed, whacked his father with his Smelting stick, been sick on purpose, kicked his mother, and thrown his tortoise through the greenhouse roof, and he still didn't have his room back. Harry was thinking about this time yesterday and bitterly wishing he'd opened the letter in the hall. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia kept looking at each other darkly.**

**When the mail arrived, Uncle Vernon, who seemed to be trying to be nice to Harry, made Dudley go and get it. They heard him banging things with his Smelting stick all the way down the hall. Then he shouted, "There's another one! 'Mr. H. Potter, The Smallest Bedroom, 4 Privet Drive -'"**

"I hate that idiot." Theo muttered as Harry gave him a look that everyone likened to that of Dumbledore.

"Do not hate, Theodore." Harry said, his voice sounding like Dumbledore's as the old wizard chuckled, "Pity him. Pity the extremely stupid, my boy."

"Yes, sir, Headmaster Potter, sir." Theo said with a salute, "I'll pity him for the rest of his idiotic days."

"That's the ticket!" Harry said, sounding like Fudge, making everyone blink in surprise.

**With a strangled cry, Uncle Vernon leapt from his seat and ran down the hall, Harry right behind him. Uncle Vernon had to wrestle Dudley to the ground to get the letter from him, which was made difficult by the fact that Harry had grabbed Uncle Vernon around the neck from behind. **

"He has a neck!" the twins shouted in surprise as no one could deny that they were surprised either.

"I know. Shock the hell outta me to." Harry said, shaking his head.

**After a minute of confused fighting, in which everyone got hit a lot by the Smelting stick, Uncle Vernon straightened up, gasping for breath, with Harry's letter clutched in his hand.**

**"Go to your cupboard - I mean, your bedroom," he wheezed at Harry. "Dudley - go - just go."**

**Harry walked round and round his new room. Someone knew he had moved out of his cupboard and they seemed to know he hadn't received his first letter. Surely that meant they'd try again. And this time he'd make sure they didn't fail. He had a plan.**

"With your luck this won't work." Hermione commented.

"Shut up…" Harry muttered.

**The repaired alarm clock rang at six o'clock the next morning. Harry turned it off quickly and dressed silently. He mustn't wake the Dursleys. He stole downstairs without turning on any of the lights.**

**He was going to wait for the postman on the corner of Privet Drive and get the letters for number four first.**

**His heart hammered as he crept across the dark hall toward the front door - Harry leapt into the air; he'd trodden on something big and squashy on the doormat - something alive! Lights clicked on upstairs and to his horror Harry realized that the big, squashy something had been his uncle's face. **

"Yes! Good for you, Harry!" The twins cried and started to do a victory dance until Molly whacked them.

**Uncle Vernon had been lying at the foot of the front door in a sleeping bag, clearly making sure that Harry didn't do exactly what he'd been trying to do. He shouted at Harry for about half an hour and then told him to go and make a cup of tea. Harry shuffled miserably off into the kitchen and by the time he got back, the mail had arrived, right into Uncle Vernon's lap.**

**Harry could see three letters addressed in green ink.**

**"I want -" he began, but Uncle Vernon was tearing the letters into pieces before his eyes. Uncle Vernon didn't go to work that day. He stayed at home and nailed up the mail slot.**

**"See," he explained to Aunt Petunia through a mouthful of nails, "if they can't deliver them they'll just give up."**

**"I'm not sure that'll work, Vernon." **

**"Oh, these people's minds work in strange ways, Petunia, they're not like you and me," said Uncle Vernon, trying to knock in a nail with the piece of fruitcake Aunt Petunia had just brought him.**

"I'd kill myself and my family if we were, muggle man!" Lucius said firmly as Narcissa and Draco nodded just as seriously. Harry was a bit surprised, though not much so, when everyone else nodded as well.

**On Friday, no less than twelve letters arrived for Harry. As they couldn't go through the mail slot they had been pushed under the door, slotted through the sides, and a few even forced through the small window in the downstairs bathroom.**

"Wow… You guys were really determined to get Harry, weren't ya?" Ginny asked as Madam Pomfrey shrugged.

"He's Harry Potter." she said, as though that exampled everything. Which it did, Harry thought with a groan. Damn the fame…

**Uncle Vernon stayed at home again. After burning all the letters, he got out a hammer and nails and boarded up the cracks around the front and back doors so no one could go out. He hummed "Tiptoe Through the Tulips" as he worked, and jumped at small noises.**

"Mental." a few muttered as they shook their heads.

"We all thought he was cracking up by that point." Harry said with shrug.

**On Saturday, things began to get out of hand. Twenty-four letters to Harry found their way into the house, rolled up and hidden inside each of the two dozen eggs that their very confused milkman had handed Aunt Petunia through the living room window. While Uncle Vernon made furious telephone calls to the post office and the dairy trying to find someone to complain to, Aunt Petunia shredded the letters in her food processor.**

**"Who on earth wants to talk to you this badly." Dudley asked Harry in amazement.**

"The _entire_ wizarding world, _porky_!" Blaise said as the twins looked at him.

"OH! Ten points to Zabini!" they cheered as they rushed over and high-fived the Slytherin. Ron looked as though they had killed his cat at the sight… and he didn't even have a cat!

* * *

><p><strong>On Sunday morning, Uncle Vernon sat down at the breakfast table looking tired and rather ill, but happy.<strong>

**"No post on Sundays," he reminded them cheerfully as he spread marmalade on his newspapers, "no damn letters today -" Something came whizzing down the kitchen chimney as he spoke and caught him sharply on the back of the head. Next moment, thirty or forty letters came pelting out of the fireplace like bullets. The Dursleys ducked, but Harry leapt into the air trying to catch one.**

"Youngest seeker in a century." Neville said with a shy grin at Harry.

"You know it, bro." Harry said with a smile.

**"Out! OUT!" Uncle Vernon seized Harry around the waist and threw him into the hall.**

People glared at the book, seeing the image as animalistic growls rang out. Harry only rolled his eyes. They were getting a little ridiculous. It had happened years ago!

**When Aunt Petunia and Dudley had run out with their arms over their faces, Uncle Vernon slammed the door shut. They could hear the letters still streaming into the room, bouncing off the walls and floor.**

**"That does it," said Uncle Vernon, trying to speak calmly but pulling great tufts out of his moustache at the same time. "I want you all back here in five minutes ready to leave. We're going away. Just pack some clothes. No arguments!" He looked so dangerous with half his moustache missing that no one dared argue. Ten minutes later they had wrenched their way through the boarded-up doors and were in the car, speeding toward the highway.**

**Dudley was sniffling in the back seat; his father had hit him round the head for holding them up while he tried to pack his television, VCR, and computer in his sports bag.**

"He deserves much more than that…" Neville muttered as the Tonks' family nodded beside him, having heard his quiet comment.

**They drove. And they drove. Even Aunt Petunia didn't dare ask where they were going. Every now and then Uncle Vernon would take a sharp turn and drive in the opposite direction for a while. "Shake'em off... shake 'em off," he would mutter whenever he did this.**

**They didn't stop to eat or drink all day. By nightfall Dudley was howling. He'd never had such a bad day in his life. He was hungry, he'd missed five television programs he'd wanted to see, and he'd never gone so long without blowing up an alien on his computer.**

"Stupid git…" Ron and Pansy muttered in unison, then blushed and glared at one another while their friends chuckled.

"Aww, young love." Blaise sighed as three glares shot at him.

"Shut up, Zabini!" Ron, Pansy, and surprisingly (though not to Harry, the twins, or even Snape) Hermione all yelled at the dark-skinned boy.

"Where's the love…?" Blaise muttered as he curled into Theo, who patted his back while looking uncomfortable.

**Uncle Vernon stopped at last outside a gloomy-looking hotel on the outskirts of a big city. Dudley and Harry shared a room with twin beds and damp, musty sheets. Dudley snored but Harry stayed awake, sitting on the windowsill, staring down at the lights of passing cars and wondering...**

**They ate stale cornflakes and cold tinned tomatoes on toast for breakfast the next day. They had just finished when the owner of the hotel came over to their table.**

**"'Scuse me, but is one of you Mr. H. Potter. Only I got about an 'undred of these at the front desk." She held up a letter so they could read the green ink address:**

**Mr. H. Potter**

**Room 17**

**Railview Hotel**

**Cokeworth**

**Harry made a grab for the letter but Uncle Vernon knocked his hand out of the way. The woman stared.**

"Probably in shock." Ted Tonks said with a shake of his head, "Because in the normal world; wizard or muggle, people don't hit their children so openly with such distain."

**"I'll take them," said Uncle Vernon, standing up quickly and following her from the dining room.**

**"Wouldn't it be better just to go home, dear." Aunt Petunia suggested timidly, hours later, but Uncle Vernon didn't seem to hear her. Exactly what he was looking for, none of them knew. He drove them into the middle of a forest, got out, looked around, shook his head, got back in the car, and off they went again. The same thing happened in the middle of a plowed field, halfway across a suspension bridge, and at the top of a multilevel parking garage.**

**"Daddy's gone mad, hasn't he." Dudley asked Aunt Petunia dully late that afternoon.**

"If fatty finally noticed, then it must have really gotten bad." Blaise commented as several nods were seen in the room.

**Uncle Vernon had parked at the coast, locked them all inside the car, and disappeared.**

**It started to rain. Great drops beat on the roof of the car. Dudley sniveled.**

**"It's Monday," he told his mother. "The Great Humberto's on tonight. I want to stay somewhere with a television. "**

**Monday. This reminded Harry of something. If it was Monday - and you could usually count on Dudley to know the days the week, because of television - then tomorrow, Tuesday, was Harry's eleventh birthday.**

After a pause everyone looked at Harry, who groaned when he realized what was about to happen. They all broke out into a merry chorus of Happy Birthday, making Harry's face turn scarlet with embarrassment, especially at seeing the Lucius and Snape were also in the mix muttering the song under their breaths even while they glared at him.

**Of course, his birthdays were never exactly fun - last year, the Dursleys had given him a coat hanger and a pair of Uncle Vernon's old socks.**

"Well… at least they gave him something." Hermione said, trying for the very thin silver lining.

**Still, you weren't eleven every day.**

**Uncle Vernon was back and he was smiling. He was also carrying a long, thin package and didn't answer Aunt Petunia when she asked what he'd bought.**

**"Found the perfect place!" he said. "Come on! Everyone out!" It was very cold outside the car. Uncle Vernon was pointing at what looked like a large rock way out at sea. Perched on top of the rock was the most miserable little shack you could imagine. One thing was certain, there was no television in there.**

**"Storm forecast for tonight!" said Uncle Vernon gleefully, clapping his hands together. "And this gentleman's kindly agreed to lend us his boat!" A toothless old man came ambling up to them, pointing, with a rather wicked grin, at an old row boat bobbing in the iron-gray water below them.**

**"I've already got us some rations," said Uncle Vernon, "so all aboard!" It was freezing in the boat. Icy sea spray and rain crept down their necks and a chilly wind whipped their faces. After what seemed like hours they reached the rock, where Uncle Vernon, slipping and sliding, led the way to the broken-down house.**

**The inside was horrible; it smelled strongly of seaweed, the wind whistled through the gaps in the wooden walls, and the fireplace was damp and empty. There were only two rooms.**

**Uncle Vernon's rations turned out to be a bag of chips each and four bananas.**

"Those are not rations in any way, shape, or form, you disgustingly oafish man." Madam Pomfrey hissed as many backed away from her.

**He tried to start a fire but the empty chip bags just smoked and shriveled up.**

**"Could do with some of those letters now, eh." he said cheerfully.**

"You muggle fuc***-"

"Ron!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Ronald Weasley!" Molly exclaimed as well as Ron looked to enraged to care.

"He's gonna pay." Ron said darkly as his siblings glanced at him in concern.

When messing with Ron's friends, things got serious.

**He was in a very good mood. Obviously he thought nobody stood a chance of reaching them here in a storm to deliver mail. Harry privately agreed, though the thought didn't cheer him up at all.**

"We hunt muggle tonight." Sirius said, baring his teeth as Lupin rolled his eyes.

**As night fell, the promised storm blew up around them. Spray from the high waves splattered the walls of the hut and a fierce wind rattled the filthy windows. Aunt Petunia found a few moldy blankets in the second room and made up a bed for Dudley on the moth-eaten sofa. She and Uncle Vernon went off to the lumpy bed next door, and Harry was left to find the softest bit of floor he could and to curl up under the thinnest, most ragged blanket.**

Dumbledore had to admit that even his temper was beginning to peak at the muggle's treatment of Harry.

"Harry… Can you ever forgive this old fool for his blind folly to have faith that people would do better when given the chance to?" Dumbledore asked as Harry waved him off.

"Give me a few books, and we'll see." Harry said, though the grin he had said that no hard feelings were had.

* * *

><p><strong>The storm raged more and more ferociously as the night went on. Harry couldn't sleep. He shivered and turned over, trying to get comfortable, his stomach rumbling with hunger. Dudley's snores were drowned by the low rolls of thunder that started near midnight. The lighted dial of Dudley's watch, which was dangling over the edge of the sofa on his fat wrist, told Harry he'd be eleven in ten minutes' time. He lay and watched his birthday tick nearer, wondering if the Dursleys would remember at all, wondering where the letter writer was now.<strong>

"I was in my office." McGonagall said, "Though I don't do the addresses. Magic does that. I just had to keep copying the fourth letter I send out."

**Five minutes to go. Harry heard something creak outside. He hoped the roof wasn't going to fall in, although he might be warmer if it did.**

"Isn't he our favorite little pessimist?" Hermione grinned as everyone chuckled.

"Shut up, 'Mione…" Harry muttered, though he had a faint grin on his face.

**Four minutes to go. Maybe the house in Privet Drive would be so full of letters when they got back that he'd be able to steal one somehow.**

**Three minutes to go. Was that the sea, slapping hard on the rock like that? And (two minutes to go) what was that funny crunching noise? Was the rock crumbling into the sea?**

"You could hear that with the storm outside?" Arthur asked as he and the others looked to Harry. Nymphadora seemed especially interested.

"Yeah, why?" Harry asked as though it was not a big deal.

"Harry, you have superior senses. Almost like an animal." Luna said beside him.

"Or a highly trained Auror." Nymphadora said, "You should join the force when you grow up a bit."

"No thanks." Harry replied, scowling lightly as he figured Aurors were like the wizard police from the way the young woman was talking, "I've kinda had my fill with the Ministry. Besides, I think that once I get Voldemort out of the way, I'll have my fill of bad guys."

**One minute to go and he'd be eleven. Thirty seconds... twenty... ten... nine - maybe he'd wake Dudley up, just to annoy him**

**- three... two... one...**

**BOOM.**

Everyone jumped, glaring at the book for spooking them as they heard a faint chuckle from somewhere.

**The whole shack shivered and Harry sat bolt upright, staring at the door. Someone was outside, knocking to come in.**

"I wonder who that is." Pansy mused as Harry grinned.

"You'll never guess." Harry promised as he stood up and stretched before he walked away from the room, "Well, that was exciting. Now I have to take a wizarding wizz. Be right back."

"So do I." Ron said, "I think that pumpkin juice went right through me." and with that, he hurried after Harry.


End file.
